I've posted about this before, but the most CF person I've ever known is a mom from the school who I was introduced to at the school gates by another mom who, now that I think about it, couldn't get away fast enough. At first it was hard to see the CF because it seemed like we would be great friends. I realised later that one of her eccentricities is mimicking people, basically becoming what she thinks you want her to be, even down to using language that spunds weird coming from an american (using all my british terms and phrases as though they were her own)... anyhow, at this first meeting we got on well and we were going to get together for coffee. She mentioned she didn't have a washing machine in her new apartment and I said why didn't she bring a load over and do it at my condo while we have a coffee?
Next day, a Friday, she shows up on my doostep with both her kids and more than 20 binbags of washing. Her mother had driven her over with every single fabric thing she owned and dumped it on my doorstep... it occurred to me that if she lives in the same area as her mother, why wasn't she using her washing machine??
Anyhow, being British and young and kind of gobsmacked I ushered them all inside and I said "I don't think you can do all this washing while we have coffee" "oh thats fine" she says "I bought our pjs, we can just stay over till it is done"...
Sure enough, she did. I didn't have a good excuse to throw them out and she couldn't have walked back to her apartment with both kids and more than one sack.
She loaded wash after wash into my poor machine, then my drier. About 40 washes before she finally left on the Sunday. She was even doing loads all night long. In the evening I tried to get her to go home by offering to just do the rest myself and have my husband drive it to her when it was done. But by this point she knew he was away for the weekend so she just said no, it would ve really fun for us to have a sleepover while the kids played. I just couldn't see a way out of it without being rude and at that point I was never rude to anyone.
I tried suggesting I didn't have enough food in for everyone, she said no worries she would watch the kids while I walked to the store to buy more food! I wasnt comfortable doing that so ended up ordering chinese. She didn't offer anything towards cost. Next day I said I really couldn't afford to feed them all again and she said it was fine we could order a pizza, it would be cheaper.
She finally left when my husband came home and drove them all on the sunday. We lived on the third floor and it took about 10 trips to get all her stuff down to the car and two trips driving it, so god knows how her mother managed to sneak it all outside my door without me noticing.
She is still in my life 11 years on. There have veen many more CF moments. Sometimes she can be a good friend and I am not good at ditching people. She has mental health issues and lost custody of her kids so I ended up a lot more embroiled in her dramas than I would ever have wanted to be. She isnt3a bad person, she just doesn't realise how outrageous she can be, because if she had money or a washing machine or anything she would totally be willing to let anyone stay with her and use her stuff. She doesnt understand privacy and personal space and not taking advantage.
Another example that stands out... I drove her to get her Toys For tots gifts for her kids. It was a snowstormy day, also my birthday, but she had no other means to get to the other town for her collection time. We passed dozens of cars at the sides of the freeway that had minor crashes because of the weather. It was an intensely stressful journey, but we made it after 2 hours to do a 30 min journey. Get to the building and they had cancelled because of the weather. She says "oh well, it's your birthday and we've come all this way, I'll treat you to lunch" and she persuaded me to go to a diner she liked that I had never been to. I wasn't even hungey because of the stressful drove, so I had a coffee and a slice of pie. She had a full meal, several drinks and dessert. We were there for ages while she consumed everything she fancied. Kept repeating she wanted to treat me as it was my birthday.
The bill comes and she pushes it at me and says "thankyou. Like I said, I definitely want to treat you for your birthday. When I have money". She didn't even bring her purse and had bo money to pay! It was pure chance I had money with me, I ended up using my limited funds to pay for a meal I didn't want in the first place.
She has done some nice things for me over the years. Helped me clean my house, shaved my long haired cat's butt when he was getting matted, watched my kids overnight once when we had no sitter... I do consider her a friend. But I also learned better about how to make boundaries. When she was homeless and asked to stay on our sofa for a night or two, I kicked her out after 3 weeks. We don't live nearby anymore which helps keep things friendly without the drama.