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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to give up exes pets

102 replies

Betty1119 · 04/02/2020 23:02

Ex and I split up six years ago. He moved out and due to his job , had no way of taking the two cats he had decided we should have the year before.

I've never really been a pet person but agreed to have them and didn't really have a choice but to keep them when we split.

Fast forward and I've now moved house, married and have two young DC.
For a few years the cats were never really a problem, I quite enjoyed having them around but the past year they have become unbearable.

My DH doesn't like pets full stop but tolerates them. But it comes down to him to clean up when they constantly bring in dead - or usually alive - vermin.

Since our DC2 was born 8 months ago they seem to have got so much worse. I'm starting most days by moving dead mice from the hallway and mopping up blood before our toddler comes downstairs! I'm always greeted by the remains of something or sick, furballs etc!

The worst thing is, now they have started spraying indoors! It absolutely stinks and I'm so embarrassed to have anyone visit.

It's stressing me out so much, I'm constantly cleaning.

I think I want to rehome them but worried they wouldnt go together or would end up in the wrong hands.
I'm feeling incredibly guilty over wanting to let them go, but yesterday I found one of them had sprayed on my DC highchair and it's a final straw!

AIBU to rehome them?

OP posts:
Booboostwo · 05/02/2020 08:46

Oh yes, do clean the accidents with an enzyme cleaner. It makes a huge difference.

JKScot4 · 05/02/2020 08:48

Contact your local Cats Protection, do not rehome privately, rescue is the safest way to protect them.

SnuggyBuggy · 05/02/2020 08:51

There is only so much you can martyr yourselves. No one wants a house that stinks of cat piss. They maybe need a calmer home as it sounds like small children make them stressed.

Honeyroar · 05/02/2020 08:57

How are they getting the mice inside? My cats would be the same given the chance, so we don’t have a cat flap and we don’t leave downstairs windows open.

Honeyroar · 05/02/2020 08:59

Bells wouldn’t make the slightest difference on a collar. On a dog hunting it would, but cats sit and observe then pounce. The bell wouldn’t ring until it was too late. My cat sits on fence posts for hours observing from above before pouncing.

Itwasntme1 · 05/02/2020 09:05

agree Bells won’t solve the presents.

I gave my cat a curfew - she is now inside during prime hunting time and we haven’t had anything in months. Of course it’s winter - things will probably start again in the spring.

I was going to ask about number of litter trays (should be at least three) but don’t think here is any point offering solutions. OP had made her mind up.

WeHaveSnowdrops · 05/02/2020 09:06

How can you think that putting down two otherwise healthy cats is the best course of action, just because they're showing signs of stress.

If they are pissing all over the place they will be impossible to rehome, surely. No one can put up with the smell and mess.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 05/02/2020 09:07

You are distancing yourself from them and dissembling by calling them your ex’s pets. But after 6 years they are YOUR pets. Your pets are no longer convenient. I disapprove of re-homing pets in all but the most dire of circumstances. Where every other option has been tried. So yes, I think you are unreasonable. But I anticipate you will do it anyway.

Beamur · 05/02/2020 09:09

If the cats are reasonably young and healthy, then they will get new homes. As long as you go through a reputable rescue they will be fine. Cats are less attached to their owners generally than dogs for example and can be rehomed quite successfully.
Pets and small children can be stressful. You won't be the first person to have given up a pet when a baby comes along.

WaterSheep · 05/02/2020 09:10

If they are pissing all over the place they will be impossible to rehome, surely.

If the spaying / weeing is stress related, and it seems like it might be in the OPs situation. Then there's a good chance it will reduce or stop altogether if the cause of the stress is removed.

WaterSheep · 05/02/2020 09:10

Spraying not spaying.

AtLeastThreeDrinks · 05/02/2020 09:19

Apparently cats with bells on their collars just learn to be stealthier!

Yes to trying Feliway and the cleaning products mentioned above. If they're hunting at night, keep them in the utility room with cat puzzles/toys to keep them occupied.

Cats are hugely emotionally intelligent –they pick up on your moods, so if you're stressed and unhappy with them they'll know. It sounds like a vicious cycle. Do you spend much time petting/fussing over them?

You're right to be concerned that they won't be rehomed together, if at all, unless you work to resolve the urinating problems first. Would you be open to keeping them if that stopped?

just5morepeas · 05/02/2020 09:40

Re-home them - your life is more important than an animals and they weren't even your choice to get. You should have got rid of them when your ex first abandoned them but I wouldn't spend time feeling too guilty about it.

PersephoneandHades · 05/02/2020 09:52

@just5morepeas I sincerely hope you don't have pets and are never trusted with any!

What you fail to see is that OP is a fully grown adult and made the decision to agree to the animals being adopted, so she is 100% responsible for them.

@Itwasntme1 I so wish that register existed! The amount of time, money and recourses that would be saved if shelters didn't have to clean up other people's messes when they can no longer be arsed with their pets!

Onthebrink87 · 05/02/2020 10:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Zenithbear · 05/02/2020 10:08

I am absolutely sick to death of these threads. Poor animals.

PersephoneandHades · 05/02/2020 10:40

@Onthebrink87 having children is not a circumstance which requires you to give up your pets, it is a highly stressful time for both parents and animals but it's simply not an excuse for abandonment - if you plan on chucking your pets out as soon as any life change happens, simply save shelters, volunteers and yourself energy and DON'T GET THEM AT ALL.

Tombliwho · 05/02/2020 10:44

People are batshit over animals.
Kill them to eat them - absolutely
Rehome them - you're a fucking monster.

Onthebrink87 · 05/02/2020 10:56

How do you know that having a baby isn't worthy of rehoming a pet? Everyone's circumstances and situations are different! Bloody ridiculous. I had someone dump a shitzhu on me (housetrained of course!) I took him on gave him lots of love etc etc because I hated the thought of him just landing in the lap of someone who wouldn't look after him properly. He of course was not house trained at all and would wait to get home after a walk (twice a day and free use of the garden) to then shit all over my house. I tried hard, got advice from vets/trainers etc, I even took 2 weeks unpaid leave to try and get on top of it as I'd discovered I was pregnant and wanted to get things sorted before baby arrived and didn't have any annual leave left. I percerviered until my baby was around 18months old and the last straw was leaving the loo to discover my toddler smeared in dog feceas! I cried out of guilt for my child and also out of guilt knowing that despite the amount of love time and money put into training woody (as we called him) I would have to rehome him. I got in touch with a registered breeder who helped me find a good loving home for him, I even got to meet the couple, the wife did not work so was willing to keep on putting in the work. I was also suffering post natal depression so I wasn't coping well. I sent woody on to a new home, he is happy, healthy and treat like the ladies child and I even get to pop in and see him from time to time. Yet here I am chalked up as some repulsive animal abuser. I think all these high horses must leave people with altitude sickness leading to an apparent lack of rational thought.

namechanger2019 · 05/02/2020 10:57

Some people are crazy on here. No sensible mother would keep a pet that was pissing on their baby's stuff.

WeHaveSnowdrops · 05/02/2020 10:58

You aren't allowed to say people are crazy, @namechanger2019. Someone whines to mummy and gets your post deleted.

Urkiddingright · 05/02/2020 11:09

I rehomed my cat a couple of years ago due to spraying and peeing constantly in the house. I was pregnant and the stench/constant cleaning just became unbearable. It would spray or pee on rugs, door mats, bath mats, carpet, DC‘s clothes and toys, curtains, paperwork and books etc. It was fucking horrendous to live with. I had to buy a grate for the letterbox because it used to piss on my post...

I took it to the vets numerous times but they never offered up any real solution. Tried medications, feliway plug ins, catnip, used different litters and litter trays but nothing stopped it so I rehomed it. Felt like the kindest solution.

OverthinkingThis · 05/02/2020 11:10

Sounds like it worth talking to CP and getting their thoughts on the likelihood of rehoming them to a good home based on age, temperament etc

In the meantime, lock the cat flap! Assume you must have one if they are bringing presents in the house. We don't have a cat flap, DCat has to ask to be let in and out, and he doesn't get to come in if we can see he has a 'present' in his mouth.

For the pissing , enzyme cleaner on anything they pissing, then as far as possible segregate them from it for at least a week so they can't try to 'top up' their scent. Also try more litter trays/ different litter/different tray placement so they feel more secure peeing where they are meant to. Shut them out if DC room and keep stuff like bumbo, car seat etc in there.

Urkiddingright · 05/02/2020 11:10

The final straw for me actually was when it pissed on the Christmas presents on Christmas Eve so some of the presents stunk of cat pee. I was fucking enraged. Sometimes cats don’t belong in certain households and it’s kinder to rehome.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 05/02/2020 11:16

Is your ex in a different position now? If he is, could he take them back? After all, he was the one who wanted them.

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