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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to offer my daughter money incentives for good gcse grades?

283 replies

Whatsmyname26 · 04/02/2020 21:13

My daughter is just starting to do some GCSEs with her first exam later this year. She is sitting them early and achieving well (looking at a level 5/6 atm) but I would like to encourage her to reach for the higher grades and remember children being given money incentives for different grades when I did my exams. Has anyone done this? Did it help encourage them to work harder to achieve higher marks? If so how much per top grade? She is only sitting one gcse this year and currently looking to sit another either November this year or next June.

Does a reward help incentivise them or should they just work because they should? I should point out she is autistic too.

OP posts:
MRex · 05/02/2020 07:17

My Dad thought it would incentivise my DS, so I got financial rewards under the "treat them equally" approach. It did make her work a bit harder I think, and I appreciated the money. Then I got nothing extra for A level results because DS didn't do them. You know your own child better than anybody, get ideas but follow your instincts.

LizzieBananas · 05/02/2020 07:29

£50 per A/A* was commonly when I was in Y11. I just got a present after my final exam.

Would be interested to know which subject it is. The normal option would be native language GCSE but you may just be spreading the load over a couple of years. As you HE, I suppose it would be like those schools who give book tokens for best in subject.

HelgaHere1 · 05/02/2020 07:31

I read that DCs will do the minimum required to achieve the gift - this is what my DD did so poor results but passed. I didn't know about the former phrase then.

CaptainMyCaptain · 05/02/2020 07:32

I gave my daughter rewards, tables tests etc. at Primary school for motivation. When it came to GCSE's I gave her a gift for all her hard work before the exams but told her the qualifications themselves were hers to keep and no one could ever take them away. She did them for their own sake.

MarshaBradyo · 05/02/2020 07:33

I’m not against it I don’t think it would work with ds though, he’s not motivated by rewards. And I wouldn’t have needed it as I was keen to get the best grades anyway.

MercedesDeMonteChristo · 05/02/2020 07:36

I’m of the reward effort not grades camp. In our house, I would struggle with the fairness of rewarding grades because DS1 is naturally likely to get higher grades than the other two and I would hate for them to feel as if they failed because he made more money than them. I want them all to be the best that they can, get to where they want to go and open as many doors as they can.

cologne4711 · 05/02/2020 07:39

I don't see why not if you think it works. My son is not really motivated by money, so it would not have worked for him. I wanted money to spend when I was 16 so it would have worked for me.

TeenPlusTwenties · 05/02/2020 07:45

I reward effort not grades.
I personally think y8 is way too early, even for a 'practice', but understand that HomeEd people do things differently.

xdestarx · 05/02/2020 08:06

I got £20 for an A*, £15 A, £10 B, and £5 C. It was more of a reward for doing well and revising for months, rather than an incentive, the incentive for me was wanting to go to university! Had a job by A-levels so didn't do it for them.

BlueChangeling · 05/02/2020 08:15

My parents offered to buy me a car if I got enough passes to get back to do A-Levels. It was a massive deal as they didn't even own a car themselves back then, but 16 year old me knew best and preferred to party instead of going to School.

I think if the kids going to put the effort in they will. Maybe you could offer to take her out somewhere nice when her results come in?

Glassio · 05/02/2020 08:20

my parents did this for me -it worked as I am money focused (as I was saving for travelling after school) . do whatever you think may help :)

LolaSmiles · 05/02/2020 08:38

I'm not a fan of financial incentives in advance for GCSEs and A levels for most circumstances.

My preferred approach would be to reward the effort and attitude and results when the results come in.

Malbecfan · 05/02/2020 08:47

I did it. Cost me a fortune! DD1 had target grades of 12 As at GCSE but was feeling really despondent in my subject (I didn't teach her). She really wanted a tenor saxophone to go with her alto so we said if she got all 12 at A, she could have one. If she didn't get all 12, we would negotiate. That cost me & DH £750 each. To be fair, she has done quite a few shows & concerts since then and earned money playing it so it was a sort of investment.

We didn't bother for A levels and DD2 knew she wouldn't get all A*s at GCSE so we bought her a big treat for her efforts.

With music/dance exams, I paid the fee. If they got a pass, good. If they failed, they had to refund me the fee. If they got a merit, I gave them half the fee as a bonus/reward. For a distinction, they got the full fee. The last set of exams that both took together cost me loads - 2 grade 8s in ballet with merit, a grade 6 singing with merit and a grade 8 sax with distinction. However, especially with the music exams, they suddenly felt motivated to practise their scales.

TeenPlusTwenties · 05/02/2020 08:58

I have a few issues with rewarding results.

  1. A child could work really hard and be unlucky or be stressed/unwell. Then on results day, not only have they done worse than expected, they don't get the bonus from you either.
  2. It is hard to make it fair if you have children of differing ability.
  3. Different teachers have differing policies over predicted/target grades. Some go for stretch to motivate, some go for realistic.

I prefer to give regular rewards for working hard in the revision / exam period to help keep the motivation going.

Boredisboring · 05/02/2020 09:11

If a child is already motivated then why pile on extra incentives/stress?

Remember that you are not just rewarding success with this scheme, but potentially punishing failure. As posters have already said, it's better to reward the effort rather than the result.

Notcool1984 · 05/02/2020 09:15

My parents did for me and I got As, the money was a huge incentive!

hoorayforharoldlloyd · 05/02/2020 09:30

Don't do it. What's the message if she doesn't hit the top grades? She should be ashamed of that achievement? You haven't seen her through an exams stage yet - they can be very stressful. Also, some children would be put off by this - fuck it, didn't get the best, not worth the effort. What kind of lesson is that?

Do regular treats to keep her going and help her have weekly targets on revison etc as these are easy to focus on.

adviceneededon · 05/02/2020 09:31

I too didn't need an incentive as I wanted to do well. I think if your child wants to succeed, they will knuckle down to do so. My parents weren't exactly rich, but agreed to give me £20 for every A* and £10 for every A. I the end it would have meant them giving me money they really couldn't afford, so we settled for a day at the coast instead to celebrate my results. Can't you offer something like that, which the whole family can benefit from?

Pukkatea · 05/02/2020 09:35

I'm bitter about the concept, mostly because all my richer lazy friends' parents all did this for them at school and they got hundreds of pounds for their entirely average results before then flunking A Levels, but I was poor and remained poor despite revising all day every day for my 12 A*s.

ddraigygoch · 05/02/2020 09:37

I haven't RTFT but @mumtomaxwell in my job I get finically incentives for achieving my quarterly targets. So my employer basically does what OP is suggesting.

It works be try be try well throughout the company.

OP. I plan on doing this but on a sliding scale as one of my friends parents did.
X for A*
Y for A
Z for B etc etc.

ddraigygoch · 05/02/2020 09:38

FFs I wish MN would instal a bloody edit button.

NearLifeExperience · 05/02/2020 09:40

We did this for our older three DC. It did help a bit: DC2 and DC3 were going to do well anyway, but DC1 was at least a bit more incentivised.

They had slightly different incentives to be in line with their abilities and potentially achievable results.

BeardieWeirdie · 05/02/2020 09:41

My mum suggested doing this and I remember thinking it weird because, as much as I liked the idea of some extra cash, I wanted to do well in exams for me/my future and didn’t need bribing to study. Maybe discuss what she wants to do after her GCSEs and what grades she’ll need so that she can motivate herself.

Weezy7 · 05/02/2020 09:43

I think it's fine, depending on the circumstances. My dd is also due to take her GCSE's this year. Last parents evening she was predicted top grades which we thought was great, but also dangerous as could lead to complacency. My dd has a lot of plans to travel to gain relevant work experience before uni, so we have devised a payment scheme. linked to her grades which will pay for one of her trips. She's a hard worker, totally focused on her future and we see this as a well deserved reward for her hard work.

nocluewhattodoo · 05/02/2020 09:48

It was normal at my school, it definitely incentivised trying a bit harder for those who were complacent like me I bought a fancy camera with the money I was given for my results. My university also offered a £1000 grant to those who achieved three As or above at a level. I hadn't known about it and was very annoyed that I'd got AABB after not really trying with my revision as I had unconditional offers.