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AIBU?

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Original poster

To just rant at you about how much of a FUCKING PRICK my husband is

84 replies

GetOutOfTheCookieJar · 04/02/2020 20:33

Long story short, he's stressed with work. He's come home tonight in a fucking foul mood and made me his verbal punching bag.

Everything I do he's moaned at. He was trying to sort something and asked me to hold his torch for him so I did, he then gets wound up with said thing and turns to storm off shouting at me to 'GET OUT HIS WAY' like a piece of shit.

Calms down a bit after tea (that I've cooked) and resumes doing thing in the porch only to start getting pissed off again. Meanwhile he's asked me to wrap something up for him to send to the post office tomorrow which I'm doing in the living room. Comes in, in a strop, and sarcastically starts going on at me 'did you mean to wrap this up like shit?' blah blah speaking to me like a fucking child.

I've come out to the car to literally scream my head off. I wanted to tell him to fuck himself, to look after his own kids (my step kids) when he needs to do overtime (I do this all the time because he's so busy), to make his own fucking meals and to wash his own stupid fucking clothes and do all his own admin for his business, I want to scream at him that he'd have gone under a long bloody time ago if it weren't for me doing all accounts, HMRC, dealing with website etc... For his business because he can't handle it.

Instead I've left the house and am parked in my car in a layby because my step kids were home (who I'd been looking after before he got home from work) and I didn't want to cause any more of a scene than when id shouted at him to stop being horrid.

Rant over. I am FUMING. And yes in typical MN fashion, I am pregnant Smile (and now worried because I've literally just screamed my head off in absolute hormonal rage - it won't do any harm will it?)

OP posts:
recrudescence · 04/02/2020 21:34

Every day I’m shocked what some people are expected to put up with from their partners.

ohfourfoxache · 04/02/2020 21:35

What do you think you’re demonstrating to your step kids, and your dc, if you put up with this?

cuparfull · 04/02/2020 21:36

He's obvoiusly not coping and has anger management issues.

You can't let him treat you like this, it's undermining for you if you let him get away with it, and potentially will perpetuate the behaviour in the children when they're adults. Not a healthy environment for them to be in.
Did you jointly decide to have a child or is he resentful with you getting pregnant? Either way, think carefully about your future together unless he agrees to shape up.

We all need support at time of stress, but you're not his punchbag or skivy so demand better of him.
Screaming won't have hurt your unborn, please don't add that to your woes. Take time out if you can tonight.

potbellend · 04/02/2020 21:36

Honestly I get it but you need to show your stance here. Book yourself into an hotel. Ignore all his messages / calls.

Tomorrow explain that is he ever treats you like his PA again you'll be gone for good. You are not his scivvy

Snowfalling20 · 04/02/2020 21:38

No, he's usually lovely... until he gets really stressed like this.

You need to draw a line. He absolutely cannot take this out on you whatever the issue and however nice he is at other times.

Don’t get into an argument or discussion about the topic. Clearly tell him by text or phone or whatever that his screaming and verbal abuse has to stop and never happen again.

I’m worried, you look after his step kids and he’s started shouting at you while you are pregnant. I had the exact same. He too was a lovely guy in between, but the verbal abuse did escalate, never to violence but enough for me to walk out for good.

Christmadtree · 04/02/2020 21:39

Get yourself to a hotel tonight, nice dinner and relaxing bath etc.

Tomorrow or when you feel up to it, sit him down and have a frank conversation about him not coping and taking it out on you, which is not acceptable. Therapy /CBT or just changing jobs might reduce his stress and give him better coping techniques. If he doesn't engage in this and doesn't see an issue with how he's been, you need to seriously consider your future Flowers

TryingToBeBold · 04/02/2020 21:49

Why did you leave?!

I'd have told him to fuck off out and come back when he's calmed down.

SmallChickBilly · 04/02/2020 21:54

No one should behave like that but when they do and aren’t pulled up on it they are hardly going to spontaneously change are they

On the odd occasion that I act like a dick because I'm stressed, I feel awful and apologise spontaneously to anyone that has been caught in the crossfire. I think most people would. The fact that he doesn't isn't because he's not a mind-reader who doesn't know that he's behaving appallingly, it's because he's a cunt.

Nat6999 · 04/02/2020 21:59

I have a sticker in my car, I've had it in every car since I got divorced, it says" Any woman looking for a husband has obviously never had one" Open the front door, boot him hard in the backside, shut & lock the door, job done.

TooManyPaws · 04/02/2020 22:02

Sounds like my father. A wonderful man except when he was screaming and yelling at both us and inanimate objects. Nothing like growing up living on eggshells and for him to explode. Don't let your child grow up to lifelong mental health issues due to his behaviour; at least your stepchildren aren't there all the time.

GabsAlot · 04/02/2020 22:04

Smallchick thats exactly what i do its not an excuse but i feel bad and apologise for my behavio9ur if he doesnt hes an arsejole

AcrossthePond55 · 04/02/2020 22:07

Did his children hear the way he spoke to you? I can't imagine he said it in a 'hissing whisper'. If so, then saying "You will NOT speak to me like that" in an equal volume (but without anger) is no bad thing.

I agree, if you can go to a hotel or to a friend's for the night. Tomorrow tell him that he either goes for counseling to learn ways to express his stress/anger in a healthy manner or you will be GONE. But you have to mean it.

Do you really want to spend the next 20, 30, 40 years of your precious, only life as someone's verbal punching bag every time they get upset? Think very carefully before you answer that. And 'he's not always like that is not an answer. Obvs it's often enough and bad enough to make you rage and leave the house.

AcrossthePond55 · 04/02/2020 22:10

Gabs and Small , apologizing for your bad behavior is bullshit unless you take serious steps to see that it stops happening. You shouldn't do it in the first place.

If every time you walked by me I kicked you in the shins, would you be ok if I just apologized? Of course not!

NormaLouiseBates · 04/02/2020 22:14

Christ, it's so depressing the absolute bullshit that some women will put up with. Why? Where's your self respect?

littlealexhorne · 04/02/2020 22:20

Speaking as somebody whose 'mother' treated my poor Dad like this for years, please get away from this now. Don't doubt that he could easily treat your child in the same way too, they and you deserve better.

Satsuma2 · 04/02/2020 22:23

My friend was in an abusive marriage. She said the only reason he beat seven types of shit out of her was because 'he was stressed '. Don't let that be you, you and the baby deserve more. It starts small and gets worse.

SmallChickBilly · 04/02/2020 22:23

I was responding to a poster who said that the OP's husband isn't a mind-reader and won't spontaneously change unless she confronts him about it. The point was that it shouldn't take a confrontation to change his ways - he should recognise that he's been a dick and address it himself, not wait for her to spell it out for him.

Vancouver86 · 04/02/2020 22:29

Give yourself a break. If it’s a once off - leave it at that. Don’t stress about it. Set your alarm and no harm done

Vancouver86 · 04/02/2020 22:31

Sort replied to wrong thread. So to reply to this thread - don’t stand for it. Why should you.

Campurp · 04/02/2020 22:32

So it’s ok for him to talk to you like shit in front of the children, but you have to drive away and type to strangers your retort? No! You should have told him the truth there and then . He doesn’t get to treat you like shit and not get it given right back to him!

Stress is no excuse to talk to you this was OP, you should not have to accept this treatment.

He will continue doing this and those children will grow up thinking this is ok. It’s not.

lottiegarbanzo · 04/02/2020 22:38

Aside from the immediate issue, are you properly acknowledged and paid for all that work for his company? Are you a shareholder? It sounds like you do a vast amount and that, unless you're really happy about that arrangement, he needs to contract out and pay properly for all this work.

Would his business be viable if he did? Or are you propping up something teetering on the edge of viability?

From what you've said, it sounds like he needs some business advice and to face facts about the true state and viability of hid business. Maybe he'd be better off, and less stressed, employed.

looondonn · 04/02/2020 22:39

Gosh this does not sound good

How dare he speak that way to anyone
Who dare he do this to his DP
You do so much for him

Oh and you are pregnant
He should be spoiling you and giving you extra support

This is really bad
I would tell my midwife

Don't go back there for a while and think through what he has done
Maybe do t even go bloody back

CustomerCervixDepartment · 04/02/2020 22:51

You should not be providing childcare for his offspring, they are there to have contact with their shit father, if he’s unavailable he needs to find childcare. Forcing another kid to have this nasty, shit male as a father is really sad 😔
If he manages to not not abuse people in the street or at work, he can manage his anger fine, and just enjoys abusing his vulnerable wife. The only acceptable level of abuse is ZERO. He only abuses you sometimes-still abhorrent and unacceptable. I hate seeing posts where kids are being forced to endure the shit I had to as a kid.

DinosApple · 04/02/2020 23:06

Running your own business is incredibly difficult and can put a massive strain on a relationship, especially with children in the equation. (Been there, done that.)

When things have calmed down have a civilised chat and tell him exactly what he has done, how much he has hurt you and how unacceptable it is. Seek support for yourself too.

Discuss ways to reduce the stress. It could be him being more organised or out sourcing various other jobs. Bookkeeping and accounting for a start!

Genuinely the toughest 5 years were before we sold our business. Life is so much better now.

serialtester · 04/02/2020 23:07

I was with someone like that once. Was lovely unless they were stressed. And over time the stresses involved being abusive towards me if we ran out of toilet roll. Leave now.

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