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Original poster

To just rant at you about how much of a FUCKING PRICK my husband is

84 replies

GetOutOfTheCookieJar · 04/02/2020 20:33

Long story short, he's stressed with work. He's come home tonight in a fucking foul mood and made me his verbal punching bag.

Everything I do he's moaned at. He was trying to sort something and asked me to hold his torch for him so I did, he then gets wound up with said thing and turns to storm off shouting at me to 'GET OUT HIS WAY' like a piece of shit.

Calms down a bit after tea (that I've cooked) and resumes doing thing in the porch only to start getting pissed off again. Meanwhile he's asked me to wrap something up for him to send to the post office tomorrow which I'm doing in the living room. Comes in, in a strop, and sarcastically starts going on at me 'did you mean to wrap this up like shit?' blah blah speaking to me like a fucking child.

I've come out to the car to literally scream my head off. I wanted to tell him to fuck himself, to look after his own kids (my step kids) when he needs to do overtime (I do this all the time because he's so busy), to make his own fucking meals and to wash his own stupid fucking clothes and do all his own admin for his business, I want to scream at him that he'd have gone under a long bloody time ago if it weren't for me doing all accounts, HMRC, dealing with website etc... For his business because he can't handle it.

Instead I've left the house and am parked in my car in a layby because my step kids were home (who I'd been looking after before he got home from work) and I didn't want to cause any more of a scene than when id shouted at him to stop being horrid.

Rant over. I am FUMING. And yes in typical MN fashion, I am pregnant Smile (and now worried because I've literally just screamed my head off in absolute hormonal rage - it won't do any harm will it?)

OP posts:
Original poster
GetOutOfTheCookieJar · 04/02/2020 21:04

who the fuck do you think you're talking to

This is what I said but I wanted to say a lot more but the kids are in the house so I had to leave because I can't have them hearing me go crazy.

OP posts:
Ellie56 · 04/02/2020 21:04

I wanted to tell him to fuck himself, to look after his own kids (my step kids) when he needs to do overtime (I do this all the time because he's so busy), to make his own fucking meals and to wash his own stupid fucking clothes and do all his own admin for his business, I want to scream at him that he'd have gone under a long bloody time ago if it weren't for me doing all accounts, HMRC, dealing with website etc... For his business because he can't handle it.

You don't necessarily have to scream at him but I think you should tell him all of this very firmly and make it clear you aren't going to put up with his crap any longer. He sounds like a complete twat.

mbosnz · 04/02/2020 21:05

I'd go for a hotel tonight too.

At least (if you can afford it) go be comfortable, get a good night's sleep, get a decent meal via room service and leave the little prick to contend with his own life that he's made for himself, without you picking up the pieces for him.

TheReef · 04/02/2020 21:07

I think you need to have a serious thing about what life will be like when you've got a small baby in the house, added to that fort her money worries and lack of sleep

Tistheseason17 · 04/02/2020 21:07

How often is he like this, OP?

Butterymuffin · 04/02/2020 21:10

It's admirable that you don't want to shout at him with the kids around. Notice though that he doesn't care about that. He's fine with shouting at you and upsetting his kids in the process.

LisBethSalander07 · 04/02/2020 21:11

He's not worried about acting like a prick in front of his kids, though, is he? Don't think you're protecting them because they will see exactly what's going on.

Stop making excuses for him.

My DH runs his own business, we've had times when we've been seriously threatened with losing our home but DH has never ever been allowed to take it out on me.

Why on earth are you having a child with someone who can talk to you like that? There is no excuse. Ever.

TatianaLarina · 04/02/2020 21:12

Are you being paid for the work on his business?

billy1966 · 04/02/2020 21:12

If I were you I most certainly would not return home.

He sounds absolutely awful.
What sort of a pig speaks to anyone like that, his pregnant wife in front of his children.

You are bringing a child into a terrible environment.

I am nearly 30 years married and it would never occur to either of us to speak to each other like this.

This is not normal.

Have a good think OP.
You are not in a nice safe environment.
He is not a nice man.
He sounds like a bully.

I would fully absent myself from that house and have a good think.

Sounds like he good himself a multitasking employee who also looks after children and home!Hmm

category12 · 04/02/2020 21:13

I think, when things have calmed down, you should have a conversation with him about whether he fancies a second (presumably) divorce or whether he's going to stop behaving like this. And mean it.

user14928465 · 04/02/2020 21:14

This behaviour won't be hidden from his kids and it won't be hidden when your baby arrives.

slipperywhensparticus · 04/02/2020 21:16

Grab your purse and go yes stress can harm a baby screaming not so much because its releasing the stress but tonight you should just go consider your options elsewhere

MsPavlichenko · 04/02/2020 21:17

But the DC can hear him speak to you like you are shit?

He is showing you what to expect. And he thinks you are stuck because you are pregnant. You don't have to be. Think on.

fedup21 · 04/02/2020 21:17

Do not put up with this

whiskersonkittenss · 04/02/2020 21:20

He's only like this when stressed....wonder what he'll be like when the new baby won't settle.

Eckhart · 04/02/2020 21:20

Stay away tonight if you can. Give the little one inside a chance to chill out for a bit, and give yourself some time to think.
You don't owe him any of the things you're doing for him, and he's not behaving in a way that makes you want to keep doing them.

What is he doing for you that you would miss if you left?

What are you doing for him that he would miss if you left?

Are these things balanced?

TheyDoDoThat · 04/02/2020 21:21

Out of internet op how does he talk about the mother of his kids? Is she mental/unreasonable/crazy/bitch?

starlight86 · 04/02/2020 21:21

I think some perspective is needed here.

Me and DH love each other and I’d say 95% are happy. Sometimes we bicker, sometimes he gets stressed and acts like a dick, sometimes I get stressed and act like a dick.

People saying leave him and don’t put up with this, yes if it’s every day then of course this is abusive and would cause OP to have a miserable life.

But OP has said this is a one off and he is generally lovely.

People slip up, people are arseholes and sometimes we are arseholes to the ones we love.

Is it acceptable no, does it happen in an otherwise loving and normal relationship from time to time, yes.

TheyDoDoThat · 04/02/2020 21:21

Interest not internet

Flupibass · 04/02/2020 21:22

Hopefully you leaving will show him his behaviour is out of order. But stop enabling, don’t let him speak to you or treat you like that - at all- ever.
As soon as this kind of behaviour starts , down tools and go. Of course this will be much harder with a baby in tow so teach him now. If you can’t then maybe leave permanently.
It’s also showing his dc bad behaviour just gets put up with which is not on.

user14928465 · 04/02/2020 21:24

Every time he's "stressed" isn't a one off.

Arguments and disagreements are normal. Treating people like your emotional punching bag is not.

SouthernComforts · 04/02/2020 21:25

How often is he using being stressed as an excuse to give you a load of shit OP?

7salmonswimming · 04/02/2020 21:27

For years, when our children were babies and toddlers, my DH was in a job that stressed him so much he’d use me as a verbal punching bag. Those are exactly the words I used.

I was very firm with him. I understood his stress (his job at the time was critical, like air traffic control but not actually that), and as he was otherwise a good man I allowed him to vent at home. But not once did I let it happen without telling him his actions would have consequences in the medium and longer term. In quieter moments (weekends, holidays etc) we’d talk about how the job was high paying but we as a family were also paying a high price.

It took him a few years to accept that he just couldn’t manage that job and being a decent person at home, to look for a new job in a new industry, and secure it. But he did. And he’s in therapy now for all that his old job put him through. It was tough and hard work for him, and for me. Therapy is hard work for him now.

Nowadays life is calm and stable, we are all much, much happier. He looks back on that time as having robbed him of the chance to enjoy his kids when they were very young, and with full appreciation of what I put up with as his wife.

Neither of us were perfect people when we met, and we still aren’t now. But he’s learning and so am I. It’s a partnership.

I would have LTB if he’d taken me for granted. That’s not what a wife is for. If I’d had even a sniff of that from him I’d have walked and taken the children with me.

Rant away to protect the SDC, but he needs to understand what he’s doing to you as his partner. It’s not good enough if he makes no effort.

7salmonswimming · 04/02/2020 21:31

Have to say, my DH never once spoke to me like a child, swore at me or bossed me around. Perhaps it’s what different people are used to, but personally I couldn’t stand for that type of disrespect from anyone under any circumstances. But then I think “shut up” is rude, so I may be what MN would call a prude or a snowflake.

ShesGotBetteDavisEyes · 04/02/2020 21:31

My dh works 12 hour days running his own business. It’s very stressful and there have been times it’s nearly gone under. Lots of people rely on him for their wage. He sometimes is a bit moody/snappy and I know when he’s under stress or a bit distracted with a work problem.
But - he would never ever speak to me like that. Never has in 20 years. Being stressed is not an excuse. I bet he uses that as his go-to excuse - and then you can’t be upset because he’s “stressed” and you have to be understanding right? If it’s not stress it will be something else.
And you’re pregnant too? I’m sorry, he’s an arsehole and if he treats you like this now when your carrying his child god knows how bad it’ll get when the child is born.
Sorry Op.

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