AIBU to send him to Nursery with a Virus?

[meelamo]

I probably am BU. DS came down with a temperature on Sunday night, (between 38 and 39). Had a bit of a rash and seemed generally unwell. Kept him home Monday and today. He still has a temperature. He's usually very active and playful. Hates cuddles and sitting still. But all he's done today and yesterday is sit down on my lap mostly, cuddling up with his blanket. Unheard of for him. So, clearly feeling rubbish fighting whatever he's caught.

Have taken him to the GP. They think he's fighting some kind of viral illness and if he doesn't improve by Thursday to bring him back just in case.

So, wibu to send him to Nursery tomorrow? DH thinks we should. I don't. I also think I'm catching whatever DS has as I've felt generally unwell today. I only started my job at the beginning of January so feel bad having already taken two days off, tomorrow will be day three but it makes more sense for me to have the time off than DH because he also started a new job in January. It pays a lot more than my job. And if I am catching what DS has then obviously it makes sense for me to stay home with him rather than healthy DH. I don't think DS should be going when he's clearly poorly, needing rest and has a temperature higher than 38.

He needs to be kept off, he clearly isn’t well and it also isn’t fair to spread it to other children

@rumandbiscuits Colds/snot/sneezing etc fine! Can't be helped! But not a child who has a temperature even with calpol, that is clearly unwell and wants to just cuddle with mummy, No. unfair to the poor child and everyone else.

Definitely keep him home, he’s not well and needs you. Anyway it would be massively selfish to send him in and pass it round to everyone else.

How old is your DS?

My DS14 has rarely been poorly but a couple years ago he was kept off school with a temp that was high and feeling sleepy and poorly. And that was a 12 year old. Your child is obviously under 5 years old if at nursery so no way would I force a pre schooler into nursery when he's clearly unwell. Not to mention the risk of infecting others especially as you seem to have caught it off him.

Your husband is a dick and irresponsible

Your dh is a selfish arsehole. I would be telling him where to go.

Our (none uk) school also had the guidance of 24hrs fever free, without paracetamol, before returning to school. If he has been on the calpol all day, hes not fit for nursery tomorrow.

My daughters school nursery almost had to close at the end of last year when the staff were hit with some kind of noro virus type bug. When they got the parents together to let them know that a temporary closure might be on the cars - “dickhead mum”(who will forever now be called this by some of the parents) stated loudly “oh wow I hope you didn’t all catch what XX had. She was throwing up all weekend but what can I do I had to send her back on Monday cos I need to work”.

Seriously. Your DH is being such an idiot about this. Poorly children belong at home, not at nursery infecting other people. 😡😡

Don’t give him a choice. Don’t ask him what he thinks, just tell him you and your child will be staying at home

Ugh. Your dh is an arsehole.
Last year ds caught a fairly typical virus in school and gave it to me, then I developed sepsis and almost died. Was in hospital for weeks and it was shit. (I was immunocompromised.)
I know you can't avoid everything, but Jesus Christ don't knowingly send your sick child in to infect others. Plus, how could you? If he's sick, he needs taken care of at home by a parent.

If his temperature is that high then you'll probably be called to collect him if you send him in anyway. At our nursery once their temperature goes above 38 you have to go and pick them up.

So basically DH doesn’t care about making everyone else’s kid sick. Or the families they’ll then infect. Huh.

We have this problem at school, no-one is observing the 48hrs off after vomiting rule, so huge numbers are getting the vomiting bug when a lot of it could have been avoided if people would stop putting their careers before the health of other people’s children.

Your son is clearly poorly, why on Earth would you send him to nursery and spread his virus that could be spread to anyone who is physically vulnerable?

DS is 18 months old for those that asked. I agree he should stay home tomorrow and he will be. Still feel terrible about work though. Already stressing about what I'm going to say. I get the impression, or maybe I've just had bad experiences, that most work places really aren't tolerant of time off, whether it be your own or your child's sickness. I know where I am currently, I'd be expected in work with this virus, so telling them I think I've caught it would be pointless! The easiest thing to tell them is that the nursery won't take DS whilst he's sick so I don't have a choice but to stay home to look after him but I also feel like by day three they probably expect me to have got someone else to help, ie. DH or a family member. Employer even asked me at interview about what I'd do in the event of DS being poorly and whether I could actually be 100% dedicated with a young child.

Aside from spreading the virus, your son is clearly unwell and feeling rubbish. He'll just want to be in the comfort of his own home vs the hustle of nursery.

Ridiculous logic- they can call you if he's ill? You know he's ill! Why not cut out the middle man?

This is exactly why viruses spread as easily as they do. Your DH has a point in that at some point you do need to do that but

(a) not at that age
(b) not at this stage of illness with a temp and the doctor saying keep an eye

Yes you are pushing it your DH has to accept this as part of being a parent to be honest and take his day. You either need to call in sick because you are or go in

Also, next time your DH is ill, hand him a long list of jobs to do in order to make himself feel better.

As a side note, I don’t think employers are legally allowed to ask that, OP.

I’d start keeping a diary if I was you because some things aren’t adding up regarding your workplace.

Your dh is being an arse, whoever interviewed you was being an arse. Together, you are going to be so stressed. Unfortunately balancing work and poorly children is so hard. Your son is far too poorly to be in nursery and your husband sounds horribly cold and unfeeling about a poorly little boy. That does not show him in a good light.

Most children that age bounce back quickly when they are well enough. The fact that is just wants cuddles is enough to show you he’s poorly. As an example, my 2 year old was really sick with noro. She was borderline for admission as she was so lethargic. She wasn’t talking, sitting and was basically a zombie. And then suddenly she was running around like nothing had happened. They just don’t do things in the same way an adult would.

I also feel like by day three they probably expect me to have got someone else to help, ie. DH or a family member. Employer even asked me at interview about what I'd do in the event of DS being poorly and whether I could actually be 100% dedicated with a young child.

Well yes, like I said upthread this is exactly what holds women back in the workplace. You say that yours is 'just a job' but your employers pay you because they need you, they don't care that to you it's just a job. Your DH needs to step up and it shouldn't all be on you and your employer to have to pick up the slack every time your child is ill.

I would only send a child into nursery with a virus if it was an absolute emergency and I had no other options. And I'd feel really bad about it because it's a dick thing to do.

Just read your updates OP.

• Your employer isn't legally allowed to ask you about your childcare or who will look after your child if they are sick. Unfortunately, they do as they expect you to have other people to help you look after your child particularly the child's father. (Or if you can work from home they expect you to work from home on those days.)
• Your OH is an a-hole. An 18 month is too young to manipulate their parents/caregivers into not going to nursery. If your child didn't like nursery he would show it without being ill.

I would also point this out to your -idiot- dh - if your dc has a virus & is under the weather he is highly likely to catch another infection on top & become really sick - & that would be his fault -assorted insulting words describing his lack of intelligence, lack of empathy & just plain insulting him in general-