Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about dp fathers comments

55 replies

furrybadger · 04/02/2020 15:09

Absolutely raging right now, so my partners just said his dad keeps asking when we’re having a baby, he’s told his dad that we’ve been trying for about 5 years and apparently his dad has said the reason I can’t get pregnant is because I’m too fat and need to loose weight, like what the actual fuck ! I’m so fucking angry I’m crying and my partner can’t understand what the big deal is I know I need to loose weight I’ve lost 20lb so far but I just don’t get what the fuck my weight has to do with his dad, AIBU to have sat and cried for the last 3 hours 😔

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 04/02/2020 15:13

Ok take a step back here op. How exactly did he phrase it? How overweight are you? Yes if someone is seriously over weight it can sometimes impact on ability to conceive. I don't know obviously if this could be the case with you or not.

His dad could be being mean or he could have been stating a possible reason. Why and how did your partner tell you?

Louise91417 · 04/02/2020 15:15

Why did your partner feel the need to repeat this comment to youConfused

bigchris · 04/02/2020 15:21

That was really mean of your partner to tell you that , was it in the heat of an argument ?

Congratulations on your weight loss

AryaStarkWolf · 04/02/2020 15:23

yeah tend to agree with others that it seems worse that your DP told you than his dad actually saying that

Brazi103 · 04/02/2020 15:24

Agree with Bluntness. How did this all come about.

In any case, how does the dad know the problem is you and not his son? Or neither of you.

LochJessMonster · 04/02/2020 15:24

His dad could be being mean or he could have been stating a possible reason. Why and how did your partner tell you?
this

Obviously it's a really upsetting thing to hear, both if you are overweight and also struggling to conceive. I think the context is important.

Either way, well done on your weight loss and good luck ttc.

GabriellaMontez · 04/02/2020 15:27

It was unkind of your partner to pass this on. Is he mean in other ways?

Halestorm · 04/02/2020 15:33

Your partner is the dickhead here. He shouldn't have a) told your father jackshit about your private medical difficulties and b) should know better than to repeat back to you the armchair diagnosis.

Look, infertility is shit. It really is. I was a size 8 and it didn't make a difference. Friends of mine who were bigger sizes were getting pregnant at the drop of a pair of trousers hat.

So just focus on what your specialist tells you. If they say your weight is the issue, listen. Otherwise just ignore every fucker like your FIL. I'd send your DP to stay with FIL for a couple of nights as well to drive the point home that your fertility issues are private.

I nearly punched my aunt when she told me that a certain novena would definitely get me pregnant. My mother had told her entire side of the family. I tell her nothing now.

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/02/2020 15:37

Even if it’s true it’s unkind. Did your partner tell you as a way of expressing his own feelings about your weight?

I’m sorry for your struggles ttc, it’s so tough. What you don’t need is negative shit other people have said in your head.

Fairyliz · 04/02/2020 15:39

The real question is why you are trying to have a baby with a man who deliberately tells you something that will upset you?

NearlyGranny · 04/02/2020 15:49

Unless DP's DF is a gynae specialist, how on earth would he know? And even if he were, he'd need to have examined and run a battery of tests on OP. I don't know which is worse: the ignorant armchair diagnosis or the DP's insensitivity in reporting it. Yes, actually I do; it's the latter.

We had 7 years of infertility and I heard every stupid 'cure' under the sun, including MiL sending a tiny plastic packet of sand from the side of her street because, "...it's a very fertile street, everyone who lives here gets pregnant." Though frankly some of the professional advice was not of a much higher order.

When I was finally diagnosed, it was endometriosis with both ovaries solidly glued to the uterus with adhesions and fallopian tubes stretched tight over the whole mass.

So much for the GP's frequent recommendation/prescription of wine at bedtime and a relaxing holiday to ensure conception!

Ignore, push for proper investigation and pester until they diagnose and treat the cause. Just don't name any of your babies after this jerk!

dottypotter · 04/02/2020 15:50

partner is at fault how insensitive telling you.

Some people are awful.

NomDeDieu · 04/02/2020 15:51

@furrybadger, have a look at that book here- Fat and fertile
I think you’ll like it.

SandyY2K · 04/02/2020 16:00

Your DP shouldn't have mentioned it to you. He's the one at fault.

On another note, I presume you're okay with having a baby and not being married? Just that it's usually the woman who is impacted most and you don't have the security of marriage.

As long as you're happy with the situation.

SandyY2K · 04/02/2020 16:04

I just don’t get what the fuck my weight has to do with his dad,
It doesn't have anything to with him, but if he thinks this is a reason you haven't had a baby, he may see the relevance.

I've seen morbidly obese women get pregnant... although doctors will advise you to lose weight if you have trouble conceiving and are overweight.

Winterwoollies · 04/02/2020 16:06

Your partner is a prick for repeating that to you. And your FIL is a prick for A.) involving himself in your reproductive cycle, which is none of his fucking business, and B.) thinking he’s an authority on it. Ugh. I have an overly-involved, judgemental ill-informed FIL, I feel your pain...

Keep doing what you’re doing. Don’t let people’s cruel words bring you down.

SoloMummy · 04/02/2020 16:15

Reality is that being overweight is one of the major causes of not getting pregnant, so though you may not like it stated in this manner, there could well be truth in what he said!

NRPDad · 04/02/2020 16:18

Depends on how DPs father said it. Did he very much literally say you're "too fat" and "need to lose weight"? Was it stated as fact or a potential reason (of which there is research backing it up)? Is it a factor that medical professionals have already mentioned, your DP is aware of and may have shared with his father who has echoed it back later.

Lots of context missing.

Regardless good luck with the weight loss and TTC

flouncyfanny · 04/02/2020 16:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HopeYouStepOnALego · 04/02/2020 16:20

I'm shocked that your partner felt it reasonable to relay that message to you. He should not be telling his father your personal business and certainly shouldn't be passing on hurtful messages.

Are you sure you want to have children with this man?

Jellycatfox · 04/02/2020 16:21

Oh yes, FIL told us they struggled to conceive because she couldn’t get pregnant. Truth is they never did test to see if it was her or him who needed a bit of help.
But of course, blame the mother without evidence, how very Henry the VIII

WorraLiberty · 04/02/2020 16:21

Lots of things can affect fertility and being overweight happens to be one of them.

Like PPs, I'm not sure why your DP chose to tell you what his dad said though?

NameChangeNugget · 04/02/2020 16:22

He could actually be right on this as @SoloMummy said however, I think your DP should’ve filtered this info and talked about it in a constructive manner

flouncyfanny · 04/02/2020 16:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Amanduh · 04/02/2020 16:26

His dad doesn’t ‘need to mind his own business’ because his son has specifically discussed his problems conceiving with him.
Nothing wrong with that.
The way it was said is the problem, and the fact your other half felt the need to convey it to you and in what manner.

Swipe left for the next trending thread