Sorry...this got long!
My boyfriend and I got engaged at Christmas, and I've not heard from my MIL-to be. I’ve been stewing over it – is this normal?
My partner told her that he was planning to propose on Christmas day. We were away, so there was a big time difference, and when she video called him on the day she was in the middle of cooking so we ended up mostly speaking to her husband (not my partner’s dad) and his son and partner. She said hi, then walked off to the kitchen, bobbing in a few times to chat about the turkey and to say she was stressed about the cooking. We didn't say we'd got engaged for this reason, plus it had only happened about 15 minutes earlier!
When he spoke to her when we got back about five days later she just said that she was really upset that he hadn't told her, that she had been really worried etc. That she'd told her husband, his son and partner that he planned to propose and that it had put a dampener on things when we didn't say anything. We didn’t tell anyone we’d got engaged until we got back. I am very close to my family, but still didn’t want to tell them until we returned.
Since then, my family have all texted my partner a lot, sent cards / gifts / generally made a huge fuss. He has made reference to the excitement from my side, how lovely it has been, how he likes feeling part of the family etc. Then said sorry there’s nothing from my side, I know my mum is excited, though.
I don’t want gifts etc, but just think a text would have been nice?! And I think it’s weird that she hasn’t contacted me AT ALL.
For background, we don't see her that much due to distance, but for the first couple of years we were together I would text her semi-regularly, just to share news about our house / send her pics of my partner next to DIY, that kind of thing. Or to acknowledge life events / say have a nice holiday etc. She would generally reply, but never asked anything. She would never initiate a chat with me.
I cooled off on the texting after she didn’t acknowledge my nana’s passing, despite it happening three days after we visited MIL and I’d discussed my nana’s illnesses with her. There have been a few other incidents that have made me a bit wary of her – but she doesn’t know I know about them, if you see what I mean. I still say happy birthday / mothers day / Christmas and send cards, and I’m always very friendly and welcoming when she does come to stay – I don’t sit in the corner in a sulk and we’ve not had words. I don't want to make things difficult for my partner, although he is aware of my feelings.
It's not like she's not a texter - she sends very long messages to my partner regularly, probably once a week if not more. And she calls with about the same frequency. He will often say "mum said thanks for the birthday card / mum said to say hi etc. She has my number, she can call or text me herself.
She is insisting we go on holiday with them in the summer, which we have had to agree to. She has told my partner I will have to drive a hire car as there are too many people to fit in one vehicle and my partner won’t drive, she keeps asking him if I’ve booked the car yet. Why can’t she ask me? She's not even asked me if I mind driving the car. In fact. she's not spoken to me about the holiday at all.
I don’t understand why she cuts me out like this.