to feel frustrated by DH's lack of stable employment?

[Yolo89]

Hi all,
So DH contracts and gets paid very well for it. He would far less in a perm role, so it is not really an option as we almost can't afford for him only to work perm.

Problem is - DH has periods without contracts and it is causing us huge financial stress. This has been going on for 2012. If he was working all the time, we would be in a great position, but then he has these periods between contracts,

At the moment he has 4 interviews but not sure what will happen. I have told him many times he needs to find a way to make this work, but I just dont know how he will ever make it work. He can't put money aside as he has to pay off debt from when he wasnt in work. I am studying at the moment so will be working in about 18 months. I have used a considerable amount of my inheritance.

Thing is, no matter whether I am working or not, I want him to have a regular, steady job. I want to know what is coming in each month not just living like this. I am not in control of his job but I peronsally couldnt do what he does. I have contracted before but only had a month here and there. I made it work.

I have asked if he can upskill or what he could do but he is in a good niche role at the moment which is sought after. Niche in his industry is a good thing.

Suggestions please as I cant keep living like this!!!!

if your studies only run to June (2020 or 2021), can your partner take responsibility for childcare if 'between contracts', enabling you to work?

I’d be very hmm to be told to work more by a partner who was not working at all and had no plans to for some time.

But the OP is working: doing a master's is bloody hard work and an innvestment in the family's future, plus she's still supporting the family financially, through her inheritance.

He, meanwhile, is an abusive, feckless soak who won't take financial responsibility for his family and still wants to live like a single man: work when he feels like it and piss the money up against the wall, without a thought for his family's wellbeing.

This would be a deal breaker for me OP. I can't see that you can do much about it now, but I'd be out of there as soon as I was working and had enough put by to rent somewhere.

If (and it's a big if) he was prepared to seek help for his drinking and let you manage all the finances OP, plus possibly seek counselling for himself and possibly for you as a couple, I might be prepared to give it a go, but it really doesn't sound like he wants to change.

My DP mostly does contract work, and even when he's employed he has been known to get hacked off and leave before he's found a job to go to, BUT we have no kids, no mortgage and he always saves so has money put by to cover half the bills and to live on.

As he turns into an older alcoholic he is going to win less contracts. Plan for your future. It might not be what you intended but maybe can be better than now.

Several thoughts come to mind.

You day he is now debt free. He isn't. He owes his parents.

You are paying for childcare while he doesn't work.

You shouldn't be trying to budget based on your income. You should be calculating your basic outgoings then make sure you have the income to cover it. Extra income is for luxuries.

Is he being treated for his alcoholism?

He doesn't respect you. And I don't think you respect him (understandably).

Surely you'd be happier and better off financially if you split? Why won't you do this? It's not because you don't want to, because you've said you "can't".

Tell him to man up and stop going to his parents for money. An adult male should be self supporting.
Contracting obviously isn't working. He needs the security of being an employee.
Get him down to your local CAB for advice on addressing his debts.

Agree - contracting isn't working. I have told him over and over that he needs to find a way to make it work.

He has just been to his counsellor this evening but because I asked hin how it went and what was said he went off at me and told me that is his time. I asked how we can talk together - how I can support him and how we can work through this together. Then he just goes on how it is all about me. I dont get it. I have no support and he wont talk, or if he does he blames me.

Two nights ago the power went off and he needed to wait for the power company to call. He went to charge his phone - at the pub. Never comes back. I call 4 times and then he answers, asks if i have power then says he has met a mate. goes out til 2am. I dont sleep well as I wonder when he will come home. I think he has been drinking most days and I tried to tell him just now that alcohol affects me. I brought up sleep and he said as i often fall asleep on the sofa and then come to bed, I wake him. Not quite the same as wondering whether your partner wont make it home. I said it is affecting the whole family (alcohol) and overshadowing everything, but he just says I'm blaming everything on him. The alcohol is causing major problems and nothing else can get better until this does. We were fine and could be again - if he stops. What shall I do. PLease dont say leave as it really is financially impossible at the moment and things could get better - maybe if he stopped drinking. I just have no one to turn to.

No tax bill should come as a surprise, especially not £26k worth. You earn the money you owe the tax

The CCJ and debt could really impact his chance of future contracts and the associated credit checks

Contracting is good but you have to be disciplined, you can have a good life on it, but it clearly isn’t working for your DH

Oh and please ignore the posters saying you shouldn’t be looking to better your life and career. Keep studying and make a great life for you and your kids

My husband contracted for 23 years and the last 7/8 were really unstable. The stress this caused was awful it really takes it's toll, I understand how you feel. He's now in a permanent role. IR35 is really killing the contract market so it's not going to get any easier. When we weighed it up although he's earning half of what he did contracting the gaps were getting longer and longer and was becoming unsustainable. We can now budget better with a regular income and I sleep better at night. I do hope things improve for you, money worries are awful without everything else you have going on.