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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To now drop this person as a friend?

96 replies

Drowningmysorroes · 02/02/2020 11:18

Invited a friend to brunch, it had already been paid for and wouldn’t have cost them anything.

I asked them multiple times to confirm they were still going, said if you’re not then that’s fine but let me know as I can ask someone else.

They didn’t even bother to show up or let me know. I text them and they read it and didn’t even respond.

OP posts:
FuzzyAtmosphere · 02/02/2020 12:02

I agree that they have already dropped you as a friend. Perhaps they only ever considered you a colleague anyway but I do think they have been unacceptably rude and would minimise what contact I needed with them at work from now.

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2020 12:03

I'm guessing by the way you said they didn't show up, that you went alone?

I wouldn't have done that. I would have invited someone else and gone with them.

If they showed up, it'd be their own fault for not answering the texts.

Tellingitlikeitisnt · 02/02/2020 12:03

I would have nothing whatsoever to do with this person

Rude and nasty

Don’t waste another second of your time on them

BlueStocking007 · 02/02/2020 12:04

When you say invited, did they initially accept and then decline? Or did you say I've booked a brunch for me & you on Sunday and then kept asking them to confirm?
When you repeatedly asked at work to confirm what did she say?
The first one is rude and I would dump.
If a colleague said I've booked brunch for us, so you're coming, I'd ignore also.

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2020 12:05

Also, as you keep referring to this friend as 'them', does it mean they're male?

If so, could they have a girlfriend or wife who's got the wrong end of the stick and 'banned' them from replying?

PhilCornwall1 · 02/02/2020 12:09

Also, as you keep referring to this friend as 'them', does it mean they're male?

I thought it was "gender neutral" or whatever the term is these days.

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2020 12:16

Phil, as a rule MNetters only use the term 'them' when they want to disguise the fact the person is male or female, as they feel it might influence the replies.

However, sometimes it's important imo.

Drum2018 · 02/02/2020 12:16

Very rude of them. However I'd say nothing and see if they bother to make excuses tomorrow. Even if they do refer to it I'd be very cool with them and just say "it's fine, I know not to ask you again."

Original poster
Drowningmysorroes · 02/02/2020 12:17

Me and a (different but mutual) friend were given a complimentary brunch and there was another space so I asked Jennifer if she’d like to come.

She said yes, I sent her the menu etc and asked her a few more times inbetween are you definitely coming. I also said it’s fine if you don’t want to but let me know as I can invite someone else. As it was already paid for then it seemed wasteful to not.

Then yesterday she didn’t show up or text either of us.

OP posts:
PhilCornwall1 · 02/02/2020 12:18

@WorraLiberty god it gets difficult sometimes doesn't it, but totally get what you mean.

ButtonMoonLoon · 02/02/2020 12:19

How rude!
Short of being hospitalised I can’t imagine an excuse that would be acceptable. I’d definitely ditch her.

MRex · 02/02/2020 12:21

I'd wait for an explanation, in case something serious happened. If not, obviously she's not a friend and is rude too, so don't invite her anywhere again.

itsgettingweird · 02/02/2020 12:23

Yep ignore and don't contact again.

I have a friend who always did this sort of thing and only contacted me with her problems. I do respond to her texts now but they are very short and don't initiate them.

Original poster
Drowningmysorroes · 02/02/2020 12:26

If so, could they have a girlfriend or wife who's got the wrong end of the stick and 'banned' them from replying?

Not the case, but even if it was it doesn’t excuse the not sending a quick text saying you can’t make it.

OP posts:
Formermousemat · 02/02/2020 12:30

I agree with others who say give her a chance to explain herself just in case something has happened that has prevented her from replying.

unlikelytobe · 02/02/2020 12:32

Bad form. Unless she apologises and gives an ironclad excuse for not showing and not letting you know then have nothing more to do with her.

TheNewSchmoo · 02/02/2020 12:37

I'm wondering why you kept feeling the need to ask her if she was still coming? Once I accept an invite, it's accepted unless I cancel. Does she have form for this then?

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2020 12:42

I also said it’s fine if you don’t want to but let me know as I can invite someone else. As it was already paid for then it seemed wasteful to not.

So why didn't you? I mean when she didn't reply the second time?

redcarbluecar · 02/02/2020 12:45

I don’t know if I’d drop her as a friend/friendly acquaintance, particularly if you work with her, but obviously don’t invite her to anything again.

Oxfordnono12 · 02/02/2020 12:50

No excuse for her behaviour. Even she didn't messages before hand the fact she has replied at all would suggest she not very respectful of your time.

ddl1 · 02/02/2020 12:50

I'd wait to know the full story, as it's just possible that they had an emergency or lost their phone. But if there was no good reason, I wouldn't ask them to anything again.

Legoandloldolls · 02/02/2020 12:53

If she has read but no replied then that's who she is. Take that onboard and dont engaged with her outside of a work capacity.

As I get older I drop people like faster. I had someone I had been out to coffee with quite a few times. Shes nice, I like her. I messaged her one day after not seeing her for a few weeks. She read and ignored it. I chased her up a month later and she said she was sorry she didnt reply before as she had a busy time ( turns out it was her adult son and his divorce) why not just a quick two second "sorry busy with life and stress. Will talk later"? Its simply rude. I dont want to be friends with people like that. Plus they will keep letting you down. Once is meh, but when they do it three, four, six times you start feeling like shit. Dont give them the chance.

Unless her thumbs fell off, but hoe did she read it? Using her nose? Anything less, bottom line. Rude selfish twat

Smotheroffive · 02/02/2020 12:55

I would definitely point out their inability to function on a basic social level when in front of many work colleagues!

Its not hard to just say, no, sorry, can't make it, have a nice time...whether you are someone's friend or not. Its just ignorant to be so ignorant.

Cheesypea · 02/02/2020 13:01

I was suppost to go for drinks on friday and forgot- hopefully im forgiven.

CrazyToast · 02/02/2020 13:06

Hmm it depends on what you know about her. That sounds like the actions of someone with depression/anxiety problems. Sometimes you feel awful and so mortified that you can't make the event that you just hide away. Just another consideration.

If there isnt a reason for it, then it is rude and I wouldnt bother again.

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