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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

soooo, your 15yo wants to meet

68 replies

z2020 · 02/02/2020 00:24

with a friend they've met "on the internet", can't remember their name so had to ask for a prompt.

you do some digging and ascertain it's a 13yo girl who seems a bit edgy. I. e asking for nudes "for a laugh,
she's bored" and thankfully this request was denied.

how would you handle this as a parent.

OP posts:
Cinammoncake · 02/02/2020 00:28

How sure are you it's a 13 year old girl? sounds dodgy as anything

CSIblonde · 02/02/2020 00:35

It's not a 13year old girl. You need long chat about people who pose as other people online:it's called catfishing (& a couple of murders of teens have happened that way in last few years). I'd add my neighbours 15 yr old lied about her age to get on a dating site for under 25's.It was full of men with pictures, who were obviosly 25+, pretending they were '21'. I texted her Mum as soon as she'd left my house, I'm afraid. Horrifying.

8paws8legs · 02/02/2020 00:37

Not a chance would I be letting them meet, I'd probably report it a 13 year old should not be asking g for nudes and it would definitely make me doubt if it really was a 13 year old girl.

HarrietSchulenberg · 02/02/2020 00:46

Nope, not a hope that I'd be letting them meet. If it really IS a 13yo girl, I'd be hoping her parents found out what she was up to before she met someone who wasn't the 15yo boy she thought she was talking to.

I speak as the mother of a ds who, at 14, was arranging to meet internet strangers on a school trip. Thankfully his teachers weren't daft enough to leave the front door of the venue entirely unmonitored and managed to apprehend him on his way out.

NewtonPulsifer · 02/02/2020 00:46

Youtube Leicestershire Police videos Kayleighs Love Story and Breck.

lyralalala · 02/02/2020 00:46

I've had this situation twice - without the nudes request though

Both times spoke to my child about internet safety and catfishing. Had a good look at the two profiles then said we could arrange to meet the other child and their Mum in the foot court at the local shopping centre.

First time it was another child from a sport one of mine does. They'd met at a schools competition and ended up friends on Facebook. They were genuine, the other Mum was delighted by my approach because she hadn't realised her child was planning to meet someone, and we all met at the food court. They now regularly see each other as friends.

The second time the other 'child' tried to persuade my child to meet without adults and as soon as my child said "No, we have to bring our Mums" they were blocked. We reported the other 'child' to the SM provider, but probably nothing happened. My DD is much more cautious online now as she realised when we discussed it after that there were a few hints she'd missed previously

The reason I took that approach is that given the troubles my child was having at the time (health, bullying) I had concerns if I said an outright no they'd become more secretive about things and potentially meet alone because she was desperate for friends (when she hit her mid teens several friends she thought were close started to find her narcolepsy embarassing)

differentnameforthis · 02/02/2020 04:20

HELL NO!

differentnameforthis · 02/02/2020 04:23

You need to keep an eye on your dd's internet usage. What if she had said yes and sent a pic of herself?

FishCanFly · 02/02/2020 04:56

As someone who had my share of dates off internet, lay some ground rules.

  1. daytime and public place, like a shopping mall or city centre.
  2. no going into cars or houses.
  3. you have the contact details of that girl.
  4. he should bring a friend.
FrockFrockFrockityFrock · 02/02/2020 05:06

Did your DD not wonder why another girl, and a 13 y/o at that wants nudes of her? Did that not ring some alarm bells? She might need to be supervised more online.

FrockFrockFrockityFrock · 02/02/2020 05:07

Also screenshot all that and get in touch with someone at the SM platform.

Purpleartichoke · 02/02/2020 05:10

The request for nudes means I call the police.

GeeUnit · 02/02/2020 05:11

Is your DC male?

mnthrowaway202020 · 02/02/2020 05:13

How much digging have you done? How do you know it’s a genuine 13 year old and not a catfish? Or at worst a predator?

Does he know her personally? Do they go to the same school and have lots of mutual friends? Because an out of the blue social media request asking for nudes is likely to be dodgy

mathanxiety · 02/02/2020 05:21

I would screenshot it and notify the police, as a parent.

No way is this a 13 yo girl. It would be anyone, looking for photos of either girls or boys.

Has your child actually sent pics?
Ask for the truth and assure there won't be a punishment.

RevolutionofourTime · 02/02/2020 05:25

This is what this rowing coach was doing, at one of the best schools in the country. www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2018/07/08/teacher-leading-boys-school-arrested-suspicion-sexual-misconduct/

YicketyYackMamasBack · 02/02/2020 05:29

Go with him, then if she turns up tell her if she asks for nudes again you’ll run her down with your car.

Fucking hate it.

nuttymoon · 02/02/2020 05:34

Report to the police.

Bluerussian · 02/02/2020 05:39

I've no idea but wouldn't have started a thread with 'Soooo'. Did you not go to school?

curiousierandcouriser · 02/02/2020 05:50

Echoing PPs, I'd allow them to meet as long as I was their too. I would also share my concerns of catfishing with my DC to explain this decision. Telling a teen "no" can result in them being secretive and I'd want my DC feeling comfortable enough to bring any future questions/issues to me.

curiousierandcouriser · 02/02/2020 05:52

Oh Lord!

"there" not "their" [facepalm]

Booboostwo · 02/02/2020 06:14

Firstly tell him well done for not sending the photos and for approaching you when he felt he needed help. Clever lad!

Then ask him what he thinks you should do. Offer to go along to a meet up in a public place. You can sit at the table next to your DS so he can have a certain degree of independence should the other child turn up.

I suspect this is not a child though and I suspect that contact will be stopped as soon as your DS suggests a public meet up.

Notsosimple · 02/02/2020 07:09

Recently a friend of mine caught her 15 DD chatting to a supposedly “16year old boy” the friend had her suspicions and spoke to the police on 101 for advice, police looked into it and turned out the “16 year old” was a 57 year old man.

Jomarchsburntskirt · 02/02/2020 07:46

It’s probably a 50 odd year old man called Derek. There’s absolutely no way I would allow this. You have no idea who this person is.

Winter2020 · 02/02/2020 07:50

A big no to meeting up unless you want to do the adults accompany in a public place thing but even if this person was who they say they are getting friendly with a 13 year old girl as a 15 year old boy could bring it's own problems:

  • person is actually a grown up and a paedophile - unthinkable for them to meet.
  • your son receives indecent images from 13 year old and is in trouble for receiving child porn/ sharing it if he shows anyone.
  • your son sends images and is in trouble for sending child porn/ the (girl?) posts images of him all over the internet/shares with paedophiles.
  • your son meets a legitimate 13 year old girl but is bullied and ganged up on and called a paedophile himself due to her age.

Talk these dangers through. He needs to really understand each of them. This online friendship is best left or at least put on the back burner until (she?) is 16+ and can meet in a public place with families.