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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

soooo, your 15yo wants to meet

68 replies

z2020 · 02/02/2020 00:24

with a friend they've met "on the internet", can't remember their name so had to ask for a prompt.

you do some digging and ascertain it's a 13yo girl who seems a bit edgy. I. e asking for nudes "for a laugh,
she's bored" and thankfully this request was denied.

how would you handle this as a parent.

OP posts:

Winter2020 · 02/02/2020 07:52

There have also been cases where youngsters have been blackmailed having carried out nudity or acts and then told if you don't do x I'll show your family and friends. Kids have killed themselves over this and teenagers need to be aware.

Mandarinfish · 02/02/2020 07:55

It's good your DC (I assume DD?) denied the nude request, but the person should have been blocked at that point.

EvaHarknessRose · 02/02/2020 07:58

Say glad you brought it up, let's think about this together. Show them one of the ceop videos or even a news story from the papers about paedophile hunters meeting paedophiles who think they are meeting a 15 year old. Say didn't want to have to tell you about this darker side of the world but you need to be streetwise. And if you have sent any messages you're worried about please don't be, you won't be in trouble, just talk it over with me please.

Winter2020 · 02/02/2020 07:59

The person that murdered Breck Bednar after befriending him on the internet was only 19. Just a reminder that not all paedophiles are 50+ and wear an anorak.

IgnoranceIsStrength · 02/02/2020 08:01

The Breck and Kayleigh videos are distressing but show the reality well.

Whatsername177 · 02/02/2020 08:08

Exactly what @lyralalala said. Just say no and you risk being labelled the 'bad guy" and your child doing it behind your back. If it is an adult, this falls right into their grooming tactics - no one understands, the secret makes us grown up, it's so exciting etc. Your kid telling you and asking you first is huge - they trust you completely. That is wonderful.

Classof66 · 02/02/2020 08:14

Keep the messages and call the police

Lovemornings · 02/02/2020 08:43

I would definitely use the opportunity to sit down with your child to discuss internet safety and I agree it's great that your DC has spoken with you about it. If all sounded ok then I personally would agree to a meet up in a public place, but I would be with them or shadow them, for sure. Getting the other mum's agreement to meet up is a great idea.

www.childnet.com has some really useful information about online safety which would be worth talking through together. It goes beyond sexting and online predators to talk about protecting your online reputation.

Remember the police/youth ambassador that had to quit following the revelation that she had posted dodgy things when she was aged 14-18 years old? (www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-22083032. These things can follow you around and affect career choices for a lifetime. It's really important to talk to your kids about all of these things.

Good luck, OP! I hope the new friend turns out to be as your DC hopes.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/02/2020 09:03

Gosh what a worry. It’s great your ds has such a good relationship with you. You definitely need to meet this “girl” with your ds in a busy place. Either she’s a vulnerable young teen or a predator.

FizzyIce · 02/02/2020 09:55

@Bluerussian that’s what you got from this? Ffs

Mulledwineinajug · 02/02/2020 10:01

@bluerussian you must feel so big and clever.

YouJustDoYou · 02/02/2020 10:04

Notify the police as your child is underage and whomever it is is trying to solicit nude photos from a minor who is ALSO trying to meet up with them.

ILoveAScotchEggMe · 02/02/2020 10:26

I would take shots of the evidence and call the police.

GenuineKlatchianPottery · 02/02/2020 10:34

Definitely show the chat logs to the police.
Thank goodness your DS spoke to you.

Classof66 · 02/02/2020 18:54

This topic is the reason why children should not be allowed on social media.

mortforya · 02/02/2020 18:59

Seriously??? Why even the need for all the info, your child wants to meet someone off the Internet, what part of your brain is not wanting to keep your child safe??? No No No is final answer, no negotiation whatsoever and a major discussion on Internet safety and maybe a parent lesson on Internet safety. Massive red flags here, please monitor your child's use of Internet and restrict appropriately, why have you even to think about your answer is my concern

Booboostwo · 02/02/2020 20:20

mortforya did you miss the part where the OP said her DS is 15yo?! What would such a heavy handed and controlling approach teach a teenager, other than to keep secrets and lie?

mathanxiety · 03/02/2020 05:57

RevolutionofourTime, my cousin's boys go there..

GiveHerHellFromUs · 03/02/2020 06:01

You report it to the police and teach your child about internet safety which you should have done as soon as they were old enough to use the internet.

lyralalala · 03/02/2020 06:05

You report it to the police and teach your child about internet safety which you should have done as soon as they were old enough to use the internet.

Because 15yos always follow the rules...

And of the OP hadn’t taught her child about internet safety they wouldn’t have spoken to her before considering meeting the online person

pilates · 03/02/2020 06:06

I cannot believe you are asking the question.

Of course not.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 03/02/2020 06:07

@lyralalala oh that's ok then if the child doesn't want to follow the rules...

lyralalala · 03/02/2020 06:14

Where did I say that? @GiveHerHellFromUs

The fact a 15yo may not follow the rules doesn’t mean they’ve not been taught them

Plus they clearly have been taught interet safety as they didn’t just go off and do it

Did the snide little jive at the OP’s parenting make you feel superior?

GiveHerHellFromUs · 03/02/2020 06:27

@lyralalala I'm not having a snide little jibe. This parent is literally asking what they should do when a '13 year old' stranger has asked their child for nudes. Do you not think that's ridiculous?

ItWillBeBetterinAugust · 03/02/2020 06:27

Winter2020 's point is important I think. We all think of internet predators as the stereotypical unattractive middle aged man, but how much more dangerous is an ordinary looking or good looking younger man, because there's more risk the child will not be frightened off if the predator is young and / or charming and talks their way out of it/ pretends to be the 13 year old girl's cool big brother or whatever...

Even if it was a 13 year old girl something is very wrong in her life if she's asking strangers to send nudes and even if there were a real girl she's probably either being used by someone as a front or out to gather blackmail material.

mortforya are you the parent if a baby or preschool child by any chance? If you parent teens that way it's pretty much guaranteed they're either doing everything you disapprove of behind your back or are going to get into very hot water at some point due to extreme nativity. It's not being a good parent to simply lock your child away from the world and brick up the window to keep them from harm, you have to educate and guide them so they cope when they're out on their own - the child in the OP could be away at university in 3 years, could even in extreme cases leave home in under a year if he doesn't want to live by his mum's rules. He needs guidance not bans, restrictions and a refusal to have a conversation! Crazy unless you misread the 15 year old's age as 5!

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