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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

soooo, your 15yo wants to meet

68 replies

z2020 · 02/02/2020 00:24

with a friend they've met "on the internet", can't remember their name so had to ask for a prompt.

you do some digging and ascertain it's a 13yo girl who seems a bit edgy. I. e asking for nudes "for a laugh,
she's bored" and thankfully this request was denied.

how would you handle this as a parent.

OP posts:
AufderAutobahn · 03/02/2020 07:37

@Bluerussian yes because that's the important thing about this thread isn't it? Hmm Jesus wept.

Original poster
z2020 · 03/02/2020 08:52

Thankyou everyone for your constructive input.

We've had a weekend of mini chats about this situation, and my DS agrees it's not a wise idea to meet up. He says was caught up in the excitement of it without thinking it through. I'm proud that he recognises this and also proud that he's been open to discussion about it.

He's kept the communication open on the lines of its a better idea to just continue chatting and, for now, I havent insisted he block her. She's definitely who she says she us, they've FaceTimed a couple of times and from what I've read, she seems to be lonely and splits her time between parents.

He shouldn't be arranging to meet a 13yo, especially ones who barrage him for nudes - whether or not it's under the guize of a misjudged joke.. I am proud how he steadfastly refused to send any or to ask for any.

OP posts:
JRUIN · 03/02/2020 09:02

I'm sorry OP but why is your 15yr old DS entertaining a 13yr old stranger? Especially given the girl's precociousness, I would be very worried if I were you.

CharlotteMD · 03/02/2020 09:11

Absolutely not.

Oysterbabe · 03/02/2020 09:12

I immediately thought of Breck too.

GrannyBags · 03/02/2020 09:13

Well done to your DS for being level headed about this. I’m not sure why people think a 15 year old and a 13 year old chatting online is odd? Did they meet through a game or something? My DS is only 11 so is not allowed to have any game chat on his games but many teens use this sort of thing.

LetsPlayDarts · 03/02/2020 09:17

I'd be insisting he block her. Nothing good would ever become of this.

ItWillBeBetterinAugust · 03/02/2020 09:20

GrannyBags I think it's the requests for nude photos which have made people assume either this is a catfish or predator, or a very troubled/ mixed up young teen indeed. 13 year old girls don't typically ask 15 year old boys to send them nudes, and one who does probably has some tricky issues going on which a 15 year old boy should stay well away from!

karencantobe · 03/02/2020 09:29

Ask for her phone number to talk to her parents.

ginandgingers92 · 03/02/2020 09:36

Good to see he's understanding that it's a dodgy situation.

Just FYI for anyone with teen kids- unfortunately all this 'send nudes' shit is rife these days, but it IS against the law in the UK to send any indecent images of anyone under the age of 18 years, including images of yourself. Granted, kids sending pictures of themselves are very unlikely to get arrested, but they ARE likely to get a police visit and unfortunately when sending these pictures, they risk those pictures getting 'out there' on the web, into the hands of one of the many wrong'uns who live in this world. It's just not worth it.

PicaK · 03/02/2020 09:40

He seems a smart lad, with a great relationship with you. There should be an "excellent parenting" emoji we could award you.

karencantobe · 03/02/2020 09:43

It is far more common for young teenagers to ask for nudes than I think many parents realise. But yes it is also common from adult predators. But no one should ever send a nude.

lyralalala · 03/02/2020 12:24

@GiveHerHellFromUs No I don’t think it’s ridiculous

15 is a tricky age to balance. The OP can’t just say “no” because in less than 12 months her child can officially go do what they like. She has to balance their wishes to meet the other ‘child’ with safety in a way that doesn’t close communication between her and her teen so that she can guide her kid through it

How is asking for advice on a situation she’s never encountered at a tricky time for parenting ridiculous?

GrapesAreMyJam · 03/02/2020 12:53

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

dontgobaconmyheart · 03/02/2020 13:40

Er OP, not sure you're doing enough here to be honest. Have you seen her on facetime personally? Why does he NEED to speak to her, he doesn't know her and allowing it to continue likely means at some point it will escalate. He is older than her and it is inappropriate in the extreme for him to be chatting to a 13 year old girl about her 'nudes'. She is a child and that would be something that will potentially secure him a swift trip to the sex offenders register later on. If he were as cogent and mature as you say, then he will understand why it shouldn't continue.

Just tell him to block her, report the situation to the police as a safeguarding concern for the poor girl, who is clearly troubled,and have him get on with real, healthy friendships. As PP have said, nothing good will come of this continuing.

Original poster
z2020 · 03/02/2020 17:55

Rest assured, I am doing more stuff but behind the scenes, I just don't want to say everything on this forum (sorry).

If I go in all guns blazing then I will just make this situation more attractive to him and he will shut me down.

OP posts:
DecemberSnow · 03/02/2020 17:58

This has got to be a joke right?

You cant possibly think this is a 13 year old who is "edgy"

DecemberSnow · 03/02/2020 17:59

She has deep problems....

Please keep a very close eye on him, especially if he is closer to 16

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