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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To use Dad's debit card online to buy him things

65 replies

Orangeblossom78 · 01/02/2020 13:09

Dad is elderly but still has capacity. My dad said I could buy him some things he can't get easily online. I have Amazon prime so it means free delivery to his address. Anyway I don't have P oA for dad, but he does have capacity (at present) Is it Ok for me to use his bank card to order him some stuff on Amazon and get it delivered, given that he has given me permission? It is stuff like socks and incontinence pants etc

OP posts:

bridgetreilly · 01/02/2020 13:12

Yes.

lpchill · 01/02/2020 13:12

We have been doing it for my mum for years. Mostly for Amazon as we have prime but she will order stuff from other shops to deliver to us.

I do have POA but don't use it as she's fine. She trusts us with her details (as I sort her bank and al l money stuff anyway)

HirplesWithHaggis · 01/02/2020 13:13

Yes, no problems at all.

Original poster

Orangeblossom78 · 01/02/2020 13:13

OK I thought so. I mentioned it to my brother and he seemed a bit quiet about it. Wondered if it was OK.

Amazon is very good with recording past orders etc if there are any concerns. It has saved the address and card which makes it very easy

OP posts:

yeraballoon · 01/02/2020 13:14

Of course it is

Original poster

Orangeblossom78 · 01/02/2020 13:15

My brother is doing P o A for my dad, if Dad loses capacity would it have to be him did this then or should I still I wonder. I hope it is still Ok, I was asked to be a P o A too and said no.

OP posts:

LIZS · 01/02/2020 13:16

You need to get poa while he has capacity. If these are genuinely items for him it seems a non issue though.

gamerwidow · 01/02/2020 13:16

Yes I do this all the time for my mum. I have her bank details in Amazon to order stuff like knitting wool and order her shopping every week from Sainsburys. She is mentally fully competent but has no idea about online security and it's safer for me to buy things for her.

Freshprincess · 01/02/2020 13:19

If he's asking you to then no problem.

However I would advise you to keep a paper trail so that you can't be accused of using it for yourself at a later date. I have a friend who when dealing with her grandmothers estate found that other family members had been using the debit card for stuff For stuff unlikely to be for the GM. It was all, apparently with permission, the GM couldn't confirm this. It caused a huge family bust up.

Original poster

Orangeblossom78 · 01/02/2020 13:19

Yes it is all stuff for him. Dad is getting a bit iller and also might be going for memory tests too.

I have done a 'wish list' to share with brother it is all things like pyjamas, shoes for him, those pants things like that and also an art set he wanted. He ives remotely and can't get this stuff normally.

Hope there isn't any issue. I have my own card saved for anything I buy for myself

OP posts:

Original poster

Orangeblossom78 · 01/02/2020 13:21

Ok yes can see how that would cause family rows!

I can easily print off the orders and card details etc if anyone asks. I will need to take care as it can default to a certain card so will check my own one is that one so no mistakes.

OP posts:

FinallyHere · 01/02/2020 13:23

While you are doing POA, it is just as easy to have two 'attorneys' as one, so make sure your brother includes you both, jointly and severally so you can each act for your father.

My sister and I used my mothers card (on her behalf) with no issues long before we sorted the POA.

Get POA anyway, it makes life so much easier as parents age.

FinallyHere · 01/02/2020 13:24

If you feel it necessary, you could keep a log of the orders and what they contained.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 01/02/2020 13:26

Get POA while your Dad is still with capacity in case you need it in an emergency or your brother is unwell etc. You also need it in case you need to check up on your brother.

yeraballoon · 01/02/2020 13:27

Why did you say no to poa? It sounds like you're the one that's doing more for your dad?

Original poster

Orangeblossom78 · 01/02/2020 13:28

Ok my brother did ask if I wanted to do joint, I said no due to certain things such as I live far away, also I came PIP and thought they might query it perhaps, not sure.

Does anyone know if you have to sign it locally as I live miles away. Also would they consider you if you are on PIP (and therefore in need of support yourself)

OP posts:

Original poster

Orangeblossom78 · 01/02/2020 13:29

I am scared DWP might see I was an attorney and take away PIP or something (I get quite anxious)- I qualified for the PIP area about support with finances due to anxiety,

OP posts:

Original poster

Orangeblossom78 · 01/02/2020 13:32

Think I will just leave it as it is, if any problems I'll just let brother take over, I trust him and he's very sensible.

OP posts:

yeraballoon · 01/02/2020 13:32

The DWP have nothing to do with you being poa for your dad. Don't worry about that

HeronLanyon · 01/02/2020 13:33

No problem at all but if your brother is hesitant then be open and keep careful note of what (and why) you used his card.

Alternatively - I (at her request/my suggestion - we jointly thought it sensible) got my lovely old late ma online banking for her accounts. At her request she never knew the logins (might have gone very wrong!). I used to order things to her address and buy things at her request myself on my own cards. Then logged on when with her to transfer to me or my sister or whoever. Also helped her pay bills etc online. Only ever logged in when with her or when she was on phone to me asking me to sort something out - I always then emailed to confirm what I’d done if I wasn’t with her.
I also had poa for her which wasn’t needed as she died with full capacity out of the blue.
As executor it was incredibly helpful that her accounts were online as I was then able to pay some estate expenses and transfer balances to probate solicitor client account etc. Just made it so much easier.

No matter what/how you do purchase things definitely keep a paper trail so that everything can be identified when it needs to be !

PoohBearsHole · 01/02/2020 13:35

If you and brother are concerned, could you set up an amazon account for your dad but linked to your prime? (It is possible) then you can order specific things to him on his card and your brother can do likewise? Would that make him more comfortable?

Tippexy · 01/02/2020 13:35

Are you often quite anxious OP?

Original poster

Orangeblossom78 · 01/02/2020 13:37

Yes I do struggle with anxiety so might not be a good issue for the P o A.

OP posts:

crustycrab · 01/02/2020 13:37

No, the dwp have nothing to do with it

Original poster

Orangeblossom78 · 01/02/2020 13:39

Thank you for saying about the DWP. I will have a think about it. Thank you for the replies. It is stressful having elderly parents anyway and all this can add to it.

OP posts:

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