DH holding hands with another woman

[windinglane]

At a recent party DH was sitting holding hands with a woman who is a family friend. I spoke to him afterwards about it. He says she got hold of his hand and he did not want to throw it off. She was being quite open about it. He has promised to keep his distance from her. AIBU to mind the hand holding? She is not in a relationship.

...I think he is flattered by her - she follows him about a lot - and she is very attractive. I think my DH has boundary issues and needs telling what’s what sometimes.

It sounds like they have history for ego-boosting each other. Perhaps a connection has been simmering.

This woman (not your friend) made a brazen move to humiliate you in public, and she must have been pretty sure your H would not shut her down by removing his hand. Why is that I wonder?

He valued pleasing her over his loyalty to you, and was willing to disrespect you in your presence and in front of your friends.

Keep a close eye on this situation.

As it doesn’t appear to have been reciprocated by DH and no linked fingers, I’d be happy with his word he wouldn’t allow it again and would steer clear of her to be honest. Sounds very one sided on her part.

Completely inappropriate

Did your dh tell you what they were talking about? I would reach out and hold someone's hand if the conversation was very emotional and/or they were visibly upset.

I think she is showing you that she can "get any man she wants !"This sort of woman is toxic ,and likes to show off basically .Do you have to see her at many occasions? I would try and see other people or meet some new ones if poss. Maybe your DH felt embarrassed and didnt know what to do ,or was just taken unawares .

I think I'm in the minority but wouldnt have a problem but I dont see holding hands as sexual, I'm happy with physical contact from friends, colleagues ect I would hug someone who was upset. I think you have an issue with her in general so are putting alot of thought into this when perhaps if it was another person you may not read so much into it.

People will have totally different opinions on this and that’s clear from the responses you have received. The only thing that matters is how it’s made you feel and what is right for you. The fact that you posted this tells me you are unhappy with what happened and the response you received from him.

However, you did the right thing by raising an issue that concerned you instead of letting it fester and he did give you a response. Something tells me however that your gut is sending you warning signs and talking from experience I would say always listen to your gut. If it’s telling you this woman is a danger then listen and keep her at arms length.

Has he ever exhibited bad judgement before in this way? If so then that is a worry and you need to put a stop to it and if he continues then he is showing you total disrespect and you need to look after no 1.

I made the mistake of allowing my ex far too much leeway and even when I knew he was up to no good I ignored my gut and believed his lies to my eternal regret.

If the hairs on the back of your neck are standing up over this then listen to them.

It pisses me right off how so many men are fucking cowards and just don't have the courage to say no...I mean, for ffs, all he had to do was let go/stand up. "Oh, I didn't want to hurt her fweelings" - aw, diddums.