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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask for the PFB/newborn panics & preciousness that you look back and laugh on now?

126 replies

Dennisreynoldsduster · 01/02/2020 00:42

As a first time mum I’ve been a bundle of neurotic anxieties, and found myself warming wipes, worrying that DS has a million things wrong with him, studying the contents of nappies with rather more attention that I’d expected..

So as I’m about to do the night shift with a rather awake baby, can I ask you to share the precious first born behaviours and anxieties that you look back on rather fondly or laugh about now?

OP posts:
InglouriousBasterd · 01/02/2020 12:55

Not me but my mum with DD - when we stayed over she insisted on having a movement monitor under her sheet and a stair gate locked whenever she was in bed.

DD started questioning it at 7 Grin

She also can’t bear the weaning stage as she’s determined they will choke, so stands over them and stares as they eat. both DD and DN have had food pulled out of their mouth as ‘they’re choking’ (chewing) and I did lost it on one occasion where DD DID nearly choke - because mum screamed that she wasn’t chewing properly, and the shock made her jump.

MimsyBorogroves · 01/02/2020 13:02

I became obsessed with routines. When he slept, when he had a nappy change, when he fed, which breast, how long each of these took desperate to see a routine in my non-routined baby. Drove myself mad. Did it for a month then swore never to do it again.

Which was interesting, as I did exactly the same with DS2. Ffs.

HoppingPavlova · 01/02/2020 13:06

Toffeecakes no, there is a difference between a new parent who is struggling and parents who are nuts. A big difference. I have seen both sorts over the years and it’s a valid comment.

I’ve seen and on-referred new mums with post-partum psychosis. I would never say they were nuts, they have a genuine neurobiological disorder. Other mums have genuine post-partum issues that require assistance. Other parents are just nuts.

Also, A&E, no idea what E&E is....

Winterwoollies · 01/02/2020 13:26

@LisaSimpsonsbff so I’m a massive smug twat? Yeah, thanks for that.

My parents simply weren’t like that. We were utterly free range as children and the older ones looked after the much younger ones. It was very carefree and something I would hope to emulate. Apart from burdening older kids too much with the younger ones. Although as this pregnancy has been difficult, it may be my only attempt.

curiousierandcouriser · 01/02/2020 14:54

One day morning, I was finishing getting ready for work in the living room when my DW ran in crying and screaming. She said that a man had climbed through the window and stabbed our 2 month old DD. I calmed her down and went to check - DD was sleeping peacefully in her crib. It turned out that DW had a very vivid dream and was sleep deprived/stressed. I took some more time off work to give her some rest.

We can laugh about it now (DD is 6) but at the time, it was quite worrying.

ByeFeliciaa · 01/02/2020 15:00

@Winterwoollies Ha I'm the opposite! Reading these I'm very shocked at the lengths people have gone to protect their children.
I'm that parent from years ago that doesn't freak out over the smallest thing and doesn't worry Grin

Winterwoollies · 01/02/2020 15:11

Felicia, I think I’m the same as you. I’ve grown up free range and I anticipate my kid will be the same. I’ve not paid much heed to any of the ‘rules’ surrounding pregnancy so far, I just think it’s all bollocks. I drink coffee, I do hardcore workouts like I did before and I eat soft cheese and sushi. I only avoid liver because of the defects. I anticipate being relaxed into motherhood, just like my mum, my sisters, my aunts....

LisaSimpsonsbff · 01/02/2020 15:23

Ok, I'm sure you'll be so much better at the rest of us at something you haven't actually done yet Hmm

cologne4711 · 01/02/2020 15:24

I don't laugh at it so much but ds was really really slow at learning to chew. He really struggled with anything remotely lumpy and would retch and be sick. It was Russian Roulette with vomit rather than bullets every time you fed him. This lasted until he was nearly 2, and I was really beginning to wonder whether he would ever learn to chew and also wondering how kids learn to chew!

Then he went from eating mashed banana, to slices of banana to a half banana in the space of a week and suddenly he could chew.

And of course kids learn how to chew!

cologne4711 · 01/02/2020 15:25

I also became a bit obsessed with routines.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 01/02/2020 15:25

Also I feel a bit sorry for OP that her nice, light-hearted but also reassuring thread has been hijacked by the 'much better mum than you' crowd!

firstimemamma · 01/02/2020 15:27

You might enjoy this thread op Smile

Your most batshit parenting moments? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/3750569-Your-most-batshit-parenting-moments

Original poster
Dennisreynoldsduster · 01/02/2020 15:32

Woah, this was supposed to be a lighthearted thread, not a competition about different types of parenting.

Truth be told @Winterwoollies I thought exactly the same when I was pregnant, and despite a complicated pregnancy I was quite relaxed. Even for the first week I was very relaxed about everything but then the anxieties kicked in. The problem is when it happens you don't know it's mad, it seems perfectly normal and even laid back! I'm not saying it will happen to you, I'm just saying there's no point coming on a thread where people are sharing their stories and acting like they've done something wrong, or that they aren't good parents because of these bonkers moments we've all had, when you haven't even been through the experience yet!
You might be perfectly laid back :) or you might have a few bonkers moments of your own, who knows! Hope your pregnancy and birth goes well for you.

OP posts:
Winterwoollies · 01/02/2020 15:38

@Dennisreynoldsduster I most certainly wasn’t looking down on anyone or criticising them! As I said, it comes from a place of love and protection. Though I don’t think anyone will deny some of this stuff is a bit bonkers. Because it is. However, I was riled by @LisaSimpsonsbff calling me a smug twat...

I’ll bow out. Not having had my baby yet I’m obviously not qualified to join in. Wish me luck.

ChainsawBear · 01/02/2020 15:43

honestly you’ll look back on your newborn days and realise you did similar things.

I didn't. I was a bit anxious about feeding and SIDS to begin with, but I never did anything like these threads and I never lost my ability to use common sense to assess the relative size of threats. I absolutely sympathise with people who struggle with their MH, and I had some dark days myself, but I do have concerns that these threads normalise the abnormal.

TeddyIsaHe · 01/02/2020 15:46

It’s not abnormal as a new mother that has no idea wtf they’re doing to think not going over cobbles, or disinfecting all toys every day is protecting their baby.

Great that you didn’t feel the need to do anything, but it’s not a MH issue if you do! Unless of course it’s PND or PNP.

TeddyIsaHe · 01/02/2020 15:47

Tbh I’d much rather do silly things when dd was a newborn and look back and laugh now, than come onto a forum aimed at parents and call them abnormal Confused

Zilla1 · 01/02/2020 15:49

Are they breathing? still breathing? still breathing?

LisaSimpsonsbff · 01/02/2020 15:54

To be honest I was riled by you coming onto a thread that you had no experience to contribute to to explain why you'll be so much better than us. So I called you a smug twat, which wasn't my finest moment I will admit!

AnneElliott · 01/02/2020 15:54

I wouldn't put DS on vests for the first couple of days because he didn't like his arms being moved up to get them in, and I was worried I'd break his arms if I forced it Blush

In my defence he was small, and every healthcare professional kept commenting on it.

Beautyoftheirdreams · 01/02/2020 16:03

My youngest was a preemie and had to stay in the special care baby unit for a month. I'd visit during the day when my eldest was at school and DP visited in the evening after work. One evening he came home telling me that DS had been having breathing problems. I had to get up every couple of hours to express through the night and spent the whole night crying convinced he was going to die. When I got to the hospital the next day, the nurse was confused about what I was talking about and then calmly informed me he'd just had a huge bogey which they had suctioned out that morning x

Jess827 · 01/02/2020 16:04

It scares me, when I think back, how completely mental I had gone, and how no one really seemed to notice.

This. With bells on.

Even hallucinations about who was in the room, me asking who all the men around us were, after I'd given birth and was so sleep deprived I was seeing things.. it sort of got brushed aside, I assume one of the clinical staff seeing us that was in the room assessed me and realised it was lack of sleep.. but who knows?

It was only after a few days of getting more sleep then talking to DH about "all the people around the bed after the birth" that I realized none of them could have been real, they were dressed in suits and top hats and didn't have facial features... Confused

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 01/02/2020 16:06

Felicia, I think I’m the same as you. I’ve grown up free range and I anticipate my kid will be the same. I’ve not paid much heed to any of the ‘rules’ surrounding pregnancy so far, I just think it’s all bollocks. I drink coffee, I do hardcore workouts like I did before and I eat soft cheese and sushi. I only avoid liver because of the defects. I anticipate being relaxed into motherhood, just like my mum, my sisters, my aunts....

So said my friend... then baby came along and she turned around completely, she is massively over protective, doesn’t leave her dd out of her sight, all her life and that of her husband revolve around the needs Of her DD, friend is still sitting by her DD’s bed waiting for her to fall asleep after reading her a bedtime story.

The only bonkers thing of all the above is that the baby is now 12 years old and in secondary school —and behaving as a 6 yr old sadly—

EllieQ · 01/02/2020 16:10

Everyone says shower while the baby naps, but you’re also told the baby should sleep (including naps) in the same room as you. Plus I was worried the cat would jump into the Moses basket (unlikely, she was very unimpressed by the baby). So I used to take DD into the bathroom with me and leave her on her changing mat on the floor while I showered, even if it meant taking a sleeping DD out of her Moses basket to bring into the bathroom Hmm

When she got to two months, I very bravely left her asleep in her Moses basket while I had a shower. I’m sure she enjoyed not getting splashed during her nap for once!

DesLynamsMoustache · 01/02/2020 16:16

Poor DD, she isn't really treated much like a PFB on reading this. Although I do sit next to her in the back on long journeys in case she gets bored so I can entertain her Grin Oh and I did save a dirty nappy to show the HV who was like 'Yes that's just what baby poo looks like'. Oh and we do have an Owlet sock for her which I suppose is a bit PFB Grin

It's weird actually, pre-pregnancy I was quite an anxious person and a bit of a catastrophiser and I expected the worse (and I think DH was worried about how I might be with a baby!) but since DD arrived I have chilled out massively and the HV said we were the most relaxed parents she'd seen in ages (no surprises for DH, he's so laid back he's almost horizontal, but it's definitely not how I would have expected myself to be!) I do wonder if it's been hormonal as pregnancy and post-partum seem to have really evened me out emotionally.

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