to wonder if rapists ever feel sorry?

[Iwonder777]

As a rape victim in my teens, whom challenged her rapist by letter once years later (with no reply), I often wonder do you ever think rapists ever feel even a little bit sorry?

Likely not, but I do wonder sometimes as human nature is both bad and good.

Is there anything anyone else wonders, that's not something they routinely share?

Sunnyjac I meant more in a bad way - it’s incredible how people can manage themselves when they have a carrot dangled in front of them how well they can play the system even with hours of psychological and other interventions - that is not to say that these don’t work for many they do

For some get their freedom and even though that are not yet truly free to do as they please it’s then we often see their true selves - the remorse becomes for themselves

Britney Your feelings are justified and legitimate and completely understandable. It is not fair at all.

I agree that many fit into the prison system because they know they have to play that game. You just have to hope they’re on long sentences that need a parole hearing!

If they're not caught and are not forced to examine their actions, then no, not many will feel any remorse.
And the ones feeling some kind of remorse due to being caught.. well it's not genuine and it's only about them.

My attacker (a stranger in a ladies toilets) was aggressive, calculating, thrilled and brazen. He wanted what he wanted and nothing else mattered. He didn't get charged for his crime.

My husband is a prison officer and has a lot of rapists in his prison. He obviously can't share too many details, but it's far more common for them to proclaim their innocence than it is for them to admit regret. Some do though apparently, if that give you any hope. They attend reform programs but I assume many don't engage. More shockingly is how many rapists still get visits from their wives and families.

Britney I don’t think anyone would expect you to feel different

I dislike this notion that we should forgive or can only move on if we forgive -

It’s not fair it’s terribly unfair and that should be acknowledged

You're right, no one should be expected to forgive the unforgivable and it's totally possible to move on and not forgive them or their actions.

Fuck forgiveness

IWonder - have you heard of Thordis Elva?

She was raped when she was 16 by her boyfriend, who was 18. Years later, she emailed him and the consequences of that turned into her TED talk and the book that the two of them collaborated on, South of Forgiveness. It's an extraordinary story which has really divided opinion on how she went about making peace with herself and what happened to her.

Her instagram is pretty inspiring.

Mine doesn’t.
He would still swear blind that he wasn’t responsible for his actions.
Maybe the only time he felt sorry was when he was questioned by the police and his wife found out and then it was feeling sorry for himself.

I'd think that in the vast majority of cases they don't. Rapists are often repeat offenders, they've raped, and do so again.

In my own case, I think back to sometimes when I was mean or thoughtless to other people (as a teenager). If I think back there are a few things I wish I had not done, but I don't reflect on these, they are something a long time ago that I never think about.

My experience was strange rape, and I do sometimes wonder how/why that person did what they did. I really can't understand it.

However, it seems most people on this thread have been raped by people they know.