to wonder if rapists ever feel sorry?

[Iwonder777]

As a rape victim in my teens, whom challenged her rapist by letter once years later (with no reply), I often wonder do you ever think rapists ever feel even a little bit sorry?

Likely not, but I do wonder sometimes as human nature is both bad and good.

Is there anything anyone else wonders, that's not something they routinely share?

I actually wonder if rapists even understand they've committed rape. The sociopathic narcissism seems to run so deep in them, I can't imagine that they actually believe that somebody "really" didn't want to sleep with them (aka that they raped somebody)

That’s interesting Sunnyjac as I work further down the line in rehabilitation once moved on form prison or secure units

What we are often informed by reports (which as you know are very detailed) within a few months we see quite a different person to what we were expecting

The rapists and murderers I met through work thoroughly convinced themselves they were innocent of anything

Macca84
I actually wonder if rapists even understand they've committed rape. The sociopathic narcissism seems to run so deep in them, I can't imagine that they actually believe that somebody "really" didn't want to sleep with them (aka that they raped somebody)

I understand your point but wholeheartedly disagree, especially as ‘rape’ can be described as anything from drunken behaviour gone too far and deliberately pinning someone down and having forced, unwanted sex with them, with the full knowledge that the victim DIDN’T want it and they knew that. I don’t want to make excuses or apologies for rapists. No means no, and will always mean no. Furthermore, unless there is a definite ‘yes’ then it’s a default ‘no’ as no consent has been given.

@Macca84
I honestly KNOW that this was NOT your intention but your post (to me) came across as a little “well, they don’t know what they’re doing really, do they”?

Again, I know that’s probably not what you meant but it just ties into the thing the OP addressed, for me

@Sunnyjac You say some of them are remorseful.

How do you know they are remorseful? How do you know that they are not preforming remorse? Genuine questions, not rhetorical.

Most of the ones I've worked with are pretty tortured by it.

A small % are not, have no recognition of their crime but are largely very damaged personalities that fall into psychopathy or anti social PD spectrums.

Enthusiasm- I'm sorry but sexual gratification in many ways can not be achieved alone. I can orgasm alone, faster and more efficiently than any other way- it is not the same as sex. Its why we have fwb etc. It's different with another person.

Brittany- I really appreciate your point re the belittling of experience, of the victim, in stating it's just a power move. Like a pissing contest- except we are the human fodder- it's not a good enough explanation , or reasoning , for what has been taken from us. In the same way that thieves aren't always accused of poverty - some people steal because they can't afford to buy, many steal for ego and other reasons - it would be wrong to say all thieves are poor and need to steal, or all thieves are egomaniacs who enjoy the thrill. The reality is a spectrum of multitudes between the two

Those posters who work with rapists who show remorse- I'd assume those are the very very few who get caught/ even fewer who are convicted. They no where near represent the majority.

I am not saying that masturbation is the same as sex or replaces sex but the very ingrained view that if men (and it’s not women) are not able to sexually gratify themselves unless they have sex isn’t true they can sex isn’t a right

In the same way that thieves aren't always accused of poverty - some people steal because they can't afford to buy, many steal for ego and other reasons - it would be wrong to say all thieves are poor and need to steal, or all thieves are egomaniacs who enjoy the thrill. The reality is a spectrum of multitudes between the two

Hear, hear @Waitingforadulthood excellent post and thank you for putting it across better than I ever could

Apologies brittany and you're absolutely right, on reading my post back, it does appear that I'm excusing it. Absolutely not how it meant to come across. It's hard to explain, and I speak from experience, it's like they're shocked when accused of such a thing. But I 100% believe they know exactly what they're doing at the time.

Again, apologies for coming across like I was excusing them, pretty disgusted with myself for allowing myself to come across like that now Should have checked what I'd wrote

@Macca84 PLEASE don’t feel like you have to apologise. I know what you meant and I know what you were trying to say. I feel bad now for bringing it up and for being fucking pissed off that we’re apologising to each other about things that have happened which were out of our control whilst the person who did the act got off without any punishment (mine did, although I hope yours didn’t).

No.
I appreciate good people make mistakes, bad judgement calls etc but no I don't think someone who not only attempts but carry out an action such as vulgar as rape is not capable of remorse.

Gosh this has really generated much food for thought.

I so wish I could know if my rapist regretted raping me. That's stupid I know; but I do.

I'm whole now but it's taken a long long time of feeling dirty and alone....

And it's hurt me deeply that whilst I have carried wounds - he has built what looks to be an empire of wealth and love and wholesome family living. What's more, I don't even wish him harm.I've forgiven him, I just wish I could forget

And it's hurt me deeply that whilst I have carried wounds - he has built what looks to be an empire of wealth and love and wholesome family living

Mine looks to be loving life. Whilst I feel fucking broken. I don’t want to sound like a child but it’s not fair, it fucking isn’t. He’s got everything and I have nothing and yet he still took something away from me and I’m bitter and angry and hate him for it. I know it might make me a horrible person but if he died tomorrow, I wouldn’t feel upset, I would actually feel glad. If that warrants me being banned on this site for saying it, I actually don’t care tbh

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed that’s intriguing, what do you mean about seeing a different person to what you expected? Good way or bad way?

Wereallsquare it’s difficult to explain really, just experience (I’ve been in the job 12 years now). It’s what they say, how they say it, whether their behaviour with us is repeated on their wing, at their workplace, with other staff, or whether they’re one way with us (saying the ‘right’ things) but present differently to everyone else. The connections they make between the material we cover and their own behaviour, and whether changes in their behaviour are seen by the officers. How open and reflective they are. You tune into the ones who are backing up their words with actions, and see the ones who just talk the talk. Sorry that’s not particularly helpful.

But agree with a PP that it’s a small proportion overall because so few are convicted.

We have a department dedicated to this at work, so I would say yeah but absolutely not all. I also agree that some wouldn’t even class themselves as rapists.
I worked in it for 6 months and I honk ya pretty easy to tell who’s engaging out of remorse and who’s engaging out of boredom.

I think its* not I honk ya wtf?
Why would my phone assume I was trying to say that?

And to all you amazing ladies on here, you are NOT TO BLAME. You did NOTHING to deserve it or make it happen. It is completely 100% on the offender every time. I hope you can all find a path to peace. for you all

I don’t think for a second mine does, I don’t think he even thinks he did. And it gives me the absolute white heat rage that the police basically validated him by dropping the case, even though he was so violent I couldn’t walk for weeks and had tears all over my body. Because, BDSM is a ok (even though I’m not into it).

So no, I don’t think they are ever sorry and most are never made to be by the law.

Britney

You're right it's not fair and I'm really really sorry you were so hurt. It's not the man thing per say it I'm leaning in to give you a metaphorical wee hug x

*MN

And to everyone else whose been torn up by rape.