to wonder if rapists ever feel sorry?

[Iwonder777]

As a rape victim in my teens, whom challenged her rapist by letter once years later (with no reply), I often wonder do you ever think rapists ever feel even a little bit sorry?

Likely not, but I do wonder sometimes as human nature is both bad and good.

Is there anything anyone else wonders, that's not something they routinely share?

I think rape completely transcends class.
The only thing all rapists have in common is the fact that they are men.

When they get caught, absolutely. For themselves.

If they’re that happy to rape someone at the time, I don’t give a flying fuck if they’re sorry about it afterwards.

Some are just lust fuelled men.

I don't believe it was about power for my rapist, more about him being gratified sexually.

I've often disagreed with the unanimous 'it's not about the sex it's about the power' theme in rape: mine I didn't feel was.

I agree op that a lot of the time is is about sex. They just want to get their end away.

I guess for me, I have moved on but some remorse for defiling me would have made me feel less invisible.

Can't articulate it correctly.

As I said, only an inner musing,

I'm glad you agree - as it was totally lust fuelled. Not about power.

Some will, some won't.

Some will believe the encounter was consensual and won't even think there's anything wrong.

Some will know it was wrong or at least know something is off and feel guilty.

Some will know it was rape and won't give a damn.

I'm divided about porn as a result.

In his case, I felt it defaced women as he stopped seeing the women - all writhing in supposed bliss - as someone's daughter. It fuelled his fantasies and objectified women as 'pussys for the taking'.

Except I never consented.

The physical shock passes; the emotional - less quickly. I still partially blame myself for my naivety. But then I was a kid. An uneducated in these matters kid. How WAS I to know?

@Iwonder777
I've often disagreed with the unanimous it's not about the sex it's about the power'

I really agree with this. I have been raped (I am a man btw) and this is often said and I can understand it but honestly, I don’t see it as a power thing in my situation and it sometimes it isn’t frustrating as it was about sex and lust and want. I would and will never comment against the “it’s about power” thing because for people it is about that but I don’t like when people put it down to purely because of that.

Maybe a few not many

Have worked with sex offenders and work with people who have years of experience working with sex offenders - rarely do their attitudes change but they are often very good at convincing people they have changed (they slip up at some point)

It’s not about getting their leg over it’s about control and the demeaning of their victims

But yes the majority have been sexually abused or raped themselves would they be different people of they hadn’t had been victims of course but that doesn’t ever excuse their actions

I think this is such an awful crime - for the obvious reasons - but also because it causes so much shame to the victim, shame that they shouldn’t feel, shame that is encouraged by the court system and society as a whole. Like this this whole narrative that you must have wanted it, or encouraged it, that you then have to disprove, and this must cause so much doubt and internal turmoil in yourself. No other crime is treated like this - ‘oh, you were wandering around in your expensive clothes/living in your mansion you must have wanted somebody to steal from you.’ Why is it acceptable to treat people like this who have done nothing wrong? It makes me feel so cross and also that equality for women hasn’t come as far as we’d like to think at all. I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through

typos ^

I don’t see it as a power thing in my situation and it sometimes isn’t is frustrating

I would wouldn’t and will never comment

I think the power argument comes from the fact that as the rapist you have the power. Meaning that before the rape, before the act- you were the more powerful, to be able to carry out the deed, you have to be more powerful than the victim- either mentally, physically, hold emotional power, financial , etc. I think that people who hold that power feel a lust that the powerless can't. In that- I couldn't rape someone. I would t have the physical power, the mental power or emotional capacity to do it. Id feel afraid, I'd feel disgusted and would lose my lust. The power is in the ability to maintain list despite the other person

I think they do when they get caught.

I think this whole idea that the woman must have done something that has caused her to be raped - bullshit that makes me very angry - is the thing that would help the rapist to absolve responsibility and feel he’s done nothing wrong

Lust not list of course

I think the power argument comes from the fact that as the rapist you have the power.

I agree, but the OP has pointed out, and this is a valid point, that many people say, rape isn’t about sex, it’s about power. Which may be true in some cases, but in others (most, the majority IMO), it is purely for sexual gratification. I understand why people say it, but I disagree with it.

Britney- yes I agree with you. But we don't like to accept that sex fuels, sex sells, and sex drives a lot of humanity. It leaves us without control. Whereas the answer of power suggests that if we could only take the power, we could avoid being raped! We can't. Sadly rape is inevitable. I think so anyway. I wish it were otherwise. But I fear not.

Sexual gratification can be achieved without someone else

The argument about lust is unfortunately one that many rapists will use and also supports the conditioned belief of many (supported by religion) that men have to have sex that tips into to its their right to have sex

I imagine some do feel regret. Many won't.
A lot would rewrite the situation to paint themselves in a better light.

I work with sex offenders in a prison. Some are genuinely remorseful. A lot struggle to fully acknowledge what they’ve done because it’s too huge a thing. Some are not remorseful. I would say that the greater majority do in some way regret what they’ve done and the impact it had.

@Waitingforadulthood
I get you but I still disagree. Every time I see “rape isn’t about sex, it’s about power” I just want to scream loudly (and do internally) and say “it wasn’t about fucking power, the bastard wanted to fuck me and I didn’t consent but he did it anyway”. I get what you mean but it just makes me upset when people... not normalise it, as that’s the wrong word... maybe, simplify(?) it to being just about power. I don’t know. I’m sorry for mentioning it

waiting I understand completely

My friend is so sad, I’m trying to get him to re think around what’s happened and focus on his teens recovery, it’s so tricky

I think they do when they get caught

My sister's rapist apologised in court and hung his head in shame. Then attacked another woman within a week of being released.