to want to move my partner and toddler to Scotland for a better quality of life and give my son a chance of being an EU citizen one day?

[mimeartist]

Hi everyone. Me, DP and 18 month old DS are based in SW England at the moment in a small market town. Has been ok for 3 years, we bought a house here last year just after my son was born. However I have always hoped that one day I'd be able to go back to Scotland where I grew up. This is largely because I think it's a beautiful city (edinburgh), much nicer quality of life, great place to raise kids and he'd have a lot of the opportunities I had growing up there which I loved. Also my Mum and sister are there and I feel I want to be closer to them. I find life quite boring in our current little town, especially since I being on mat leave and hence not having work to keep me busy. I love having a good cultural life as well and find it kind of lacklustre here from that point of view.

DP's family are a couple hours away in the Midlands, and most of our friends as a couple are scattered around London/South East predominantly. We are both doctors so we have been tied down here for work purposes until quite recently, and now we have the opportunity to move, either now or in 2-3 years before DS starts school.

I'm finding my DP's objections very selfish. He likes Edinburgh a lot as a city, but told me I'd be asking him "to turn his back on his friends and family". I just don't see it that way as Edinburgh is better connected if anything than where we are now. I'd miss my friends in the south too, but honestly, the priority as I see it is to move somewhere that gives us a better quality of life as a family overall, good schools, etc.

It doesn't help that I don't like DPs family on the whole, and think they are quite right wing and rude. I find DP is defending his wanting to be close to them, over my legitimately wanting to be closer to my folks, when I'm the mother and therefore I think that should be the greater consideration.

Every major life decision we've made together has been on the back of this kind of major reluctance/intransigence on his part, he calls it being "cautious" but to me it's a very "glass half full" attitude to everything. He worries about scots nationalism turning "nasty" if independence happens (like, English nationalism hasn't already turned nasty!?!?) and comes up with excuses as to why he'd never do it. He even said to me recently maybe I should move up there on my own with DS if I want it so much.

I've offered for us just to go and stay up there for a bit on an exploratory basis to see if we think it could work, but he doesn't seem open to that either. I don't really want my son to grow up in a small town/village particularly when he's older, and have to drive him everywhere to boot. But as soon as I say that, DP (who grew up in a village) says DS would be perfectly happy in a village.

Can anyone tell me what they make of this situation? Growing increasingly frustrated with him digging his heels in.

potentially if scotland becomes independent then there's at least a chance of it rejoining the EU

There really isn't. If I were you I would leave this argument out. It just makes your whole aide sound invalid.
But! Yanbu to want a different lifestyle and quality of life!

Speaking as someone who grew up in the countryside, lived in a city for a few years and swiftly exited for village life again it might be the city thing rather than Edinburgh. I felt so claustrophobic surrounded by pavement and buildings all the time. Could you compromise on a smaller town outside the actual city?

Well, I'm a Scot but have an RP accent so I'm usually taken for English, and I've not heard any kind of anti-English abuse. There's even an independence group called English Scots for Yes.

Yes, I pay extra in tax but I am happy to do so in order for the government to be able to eleviate some of the suffering caused by Westminster's programme of screwing the poor and giving tax cuts to their rich pals. The free prescriptions have been a godsend.

At least once we stop subsidising the SE of England and get to keep our own tax (exports of Scotch are classed as English for tax, for example) we will have a chance of being a better country, able to set our own way in the world. We're a similar size to Ireland and Denmark so we're not too wee to go it alone for a kinder future.

Scotland is a divided country, has been for hundreds of years - that won’t ever change.

Having said that I live in Edinburgh and wouldn’t live anywhere else! It’s seriously bloody expensive though!

I'm from Edinburgh. It's beautiful but unfriendly and expensive. I might move to Glasgow if things turn bad here in Middle England Good luck to you.

I don't know if this has been mentioned ( I haven't read the posts) but the EU have previously stated they wouldn't let Scotland rejoin without taking the Euro. I am not sure if this is still the case but makes it more unlikely.

My second point is that my husband and I have moved to Canada and I'm now pregnant with twins. Our babies will not be EU citizens. Do I feel I am doing them a disservice? Actually no , the local schools still do exchanges , it'll still be easy for them to visit Europe and they'll actually be attending a French immersion school.

I personally wouldn't choose a place to live based on being an EU citizen....

Your mother is a star. How does DH help with childcare? Or does that fall all on you to arrange?
I'd move up to Scotland, with or without DH, as you've got a supportive family there that are worth their weight in gold and your child is incredibly lucky to have that.

I find DP is defending his wanting to be close to them, over my legitimately wanting to be closer to my folks, when I'm the mother and therefore I think that should be the greater consideration.

I know others have picked up on this, but really? You are in a relationship with someone who lived in a different part of the country to you, you do have the right to a greater consideration on virtue of being the mother.

I live nearly 200miles from my parents. I spent many years longing to go 'home' but what changed my outlook was whilst here isn't my 'home' it is that of my DH and DC. All those feelings you have about not living near your family, will be the same your partner has.

Growing increasingly frustrated with him digging his heels in.

What you actually mean is 'not letting me have it my way'. There isn't really a compromise to this, so either he will dig his heels in and you won't move or you will get your own way and move.

I still would prefer to live closer to my parents, but I can't and therefore it is about accepting that I live where I do.

If you want your child to be a EU citizen, why not move to Ireland instead? The referendum in Scotland resulted in a NO vote, and we may be waiting a very long time for another referendum on the same issue. It is not reasonable to assume a) there will be another referendum b) the result of this hypothetical referendum would be YES, c) that the EU would accept an independent Scotland into the EU in anything like the near future.

Love Edinburgh beautiful place.
My advice OP is to drop the whole brexit thing. It is an excuse you are using to score points. To many ifs. Deal with the here and now. The real reason is after having your child you want to be closer to your own family and are not particularly fond of his. Which happens for a lot of people(me included)

See it from his side. You bought a house and had a child together. He assumed that meant a commitment to living where you are now. Now that is not what you want which is perfectly fine. Things change. You can go through the whole this place VS that place but neither of you can win because you both want different things.

I don't agree because you are the mother you have more of a say. It's 50/50. The big red flag for me is him saying you go with your Son. If looks like he is not even willing to try. So instead of wasting your time trying to talk him around you need to listen to what he is saying and now it is your turn to make your decision.

I am in the middle of the same thing. We are both from Ireland and live in Australia. Once our DC came along the pull for home has become even stronger. It is a extremely hard place to be.

Best of luck.

The SNP are pushing for a second "once in a lifetime" referendum. The request has already been rejected. Say the mood swings ( further?) in favour in a second Indy ref, might be a few more years campaigning, then a future date eventually agreed, say in ten years?
Then another couple of years to negotiate the t's and c's. A couple more years, as per Brexit, to deal with extensions and delays, then independence happens. Then establishing the new country, negotiating trade deals etc. Independence does NOT guarantee EU membership. Certain criteria would have to be met, then the process to apply begins etc etc

So too many ifs and buts. Probably happen sometime, but possibly not in our lifetime.

So I wouldn't focus on Brexit and Scotland re-entering EU as a reason to live in Scotland. Far too tentative.

However Edinburgh is fab. Love living here. Small, multicultural city, easy to navigate, fab festivals enjoyed by locals as much as tourists, good restaurants and shops. Plenty of opportunities in the medical
Field, good transport links...

Op, you stating your main reason for wanting to move to Scotland is to be near your family doesn’t really stand up when in another post you say you would love to move abroad. Maybe your DP notes the discrepancy here. It sounds like maybe the real main reason you want to move is because you’re more of a city loving person - as opposed to the quieter pace of life in the smaller towns. That’s understandable as a lot of people prefer to be where there is more going on, and the vibrancy and culture on offer in cities. Maybe pick somewhere which is between the two locations of your families, but which offers something for both of you in terms of being near enough to a city to not make you feel cut off, but also offering him a little bit of a slower pace that he seems to prefer?