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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this woman had no business being at a toddler group?

99 replies

LondonUnited · 31/01/2020 12:20

Took my baby and toddler to a local Leisure Centre group this morning - basically soft play and some gymnastics kit. Also there and sitting next to us was a mum, toddler and older child wearing the uniform of the local school.

I overheard the mum telling someone that the older child had been sick in the playground and wasn’t allowed to go to school because of the 48 hour rule. She added that her toddler ‘didn’t want to miss out’ so they had decided to come anyway! The older child then sat there looking peaky.

We’ve previously had two ambulance trips due to vomiting bugs so I may be prone to overreact but really - taking a vomity 5 year old to a toddler group? AIBU to think they should have just gone home?

OP posts:

halcyondays · 31/01/2020 14:20

There’s no need to jump on people. I’m sure if you call 999 about a vomiting bug they’ll ask questions to see if you really need an ambulance and won’t send one out to you without good reason. So it’s fairly obvious that if the op had an ambulance come and take her dc to hospital then the paramedics must have thought it was necessary.

Op, of course yanbu, some people are incredibly selfish. I caught a stomach bug nearly eight years ago and most likely caught it from going to a toddler group a day or two before. I developed ME/CFS after the bug and have had it ever since.

Crunchymum · 31/01/2020 14:22

Selfish, selfish woman. And she probably didn't tell the playgroup people why her school age child was with her (if they did ask?)

The OP was rather misleading though. Why should other people have to read between the lines / make assumptions about the OP's situation, when the OP could have caveated the post with ambulances were deemed necessary by HCP or something similar.

Making assumptions / reading between the lines is what usually causes threads to go awry!!

halcyondays · 31/01/2020 14:22

I’m guessing the woman probably didn’t tell the group leaders on the way in that the child had been sick.

Willow2017 · 31/01/2020 14:25

She should have been clear on why an ambulance was called. You can’t blame pp for there comments when the op didn’t explain the situation.
Why should she?
I and probably others automatically assumed that the ambulance was for a good reason. No need for sarcasm and accusations of wasting nhs resources when Obviously op was worried about her children getting another d&v bug for a reason. Its not rocket science.

The thread was about the selfish mother not ops kids medical conditions.

Even if my kids had no history of being rushed to hosp i would gave been bloody annoyed too and told the leader to tell her to get the hell out.

Crunchymum · 31/01/2020 14:26

@halcyondays

In my trust - If a child is under 2 and an ambulance attends, you have to go to A&E regardless of what the paramedics deem necessary.

Just saying it's not always the paramedics call.

CoolcoolcoolcoolcoolNoDoubt · 31/01/2020 14:27

I think it's a fair assumption that people don't call an ambulance for vomiting unless the person suffering has other severe health issues. But as always, you get those being deliberately obtuse.

YANBU OP - it's unfair to bring an older child to a toddler group, never mind an ill child!

Crunchymum · 31/01/2020 14:30

I also don't think anyone is disagreeing with the OP's AIBU.

I imagine its one of the very rare and totally unanimous verdicts on AIBU, hence us all having to pick the OP and her "ambulances for sickness bugs" statement apart

MintyMabel · 31/01/2020 14:36

Because of the above I have horrendous anxiety about these bugs and coming into contact with them

Wouldn't have thought soft play was a good idea for you in any event.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 31/01/2020 14:38

Knew this thread would be full of posters jumping on the op about the ambulance part 🙄

Nanny0gg · 31/01/2020 14:40

It's not rocket science, is it? If my DC are infectious, they come shopping with me so we have food in the house, apart from that, they stay at home.

Eh?

Really? You can't do online? No-one can pick up for you?

CakeandCustard28 · 31/01/2020 14:41

I’d be furious. In fact I would of told the group leader and made a point of taking my DC home early to avoid catching it. Total selfish fuckery that is!

NotALurker2 · 31/01/2020 14:47

Gross. I was at a toddler playgroup once and a child suddenly laid down on the bench. The mom explained he had a fever and was taking a rest, then sweetly asked him if he wanted to go home or keep playing.

WTF, you're asking a preschooler what he'd prefer?

YANBU

Willow2017 · 31/01/2020 14:53

Wouldn't have thought soft play was a good idea for you in any event.

What??
So op has to give in to her fears and never take her kids outside where other people are?
As opposed to conquering them and allowing her kids a normal life?

TeddyIsaHe · 31/01/2020 14:55

@Willow2017 softplay isn’t the same as anything else though, it’s a germ-ridden soup of infections. One of the many reasons I don’t take dd.

TeaAndCake321 · 31/01/2020 14:56

This sort of thing really annoys me and I’m not anxious about germs or getting sick, more a case of who the hell wants a vomiting bug?! A good friend of mine pays an eye watering amount in nursery fees, she will happily send her kids in if they’ve been sick that morning, she’s paying for the day either way and her theory is if they are fine she hasn’t wasted 2 days holiday staying off with them (48 hour rule). It really really annoys me as she works for the nhs too so it isn’t like she doesn’t know what she’s doing.

People are very selfish when it comes to stuff like this.

Willow2017 · 31/01/2020 15:00

In my trust - If a child is under 2 and an ambulance attends, you have to go to A&E regardless of what the paramedics deem necessary.

Same here and i was told that about an older child when mine had developed possible symptoms of asthma. When its a kid with possibly serious symptoms they always send an ambulance.

longtimelurkerhelen · 31/01/2020 15:03

What a stupid selfish woman, she should have stayed home. What is it with these people who cannot say no to their child, be a parent ffs.

Lots of people died before modern medicine from severe diarrhea, so I can well understand a child needing hospital to rehydrate via a drip.

You did the right thing leaving, I hope none of the others caught whatever bug she had.

Iwantacookie · 31/01/2020 15:07

I possible would of done this when my oldest 2 were little. I was a single parent and was lonely and it would of been the only bit of adult company I would of got all week.
I'm not saying what she did was in any way acceptable but just trying to give another point of view.
I agree that most people who do this are utterly selfish and only think about how it impacts themselves.

Adviceplease1234 · 31/01/2020 15:11

OP- people like her drive me nuts. It's so selfish.

I'm not sure why people jumped to the conclusion that you had previously wasted NHS resources! There seems to be a hysteria on here about ambulance use and it could be dangerous as could make someone not call when they really need one!

Rumnraisin · 31/01/2020 15:19

Some people really haven’t got the ability to think of others - they see the 48 hour rule as: the school won’t have them so I’ll take them somewhere else. I’ll give the childminder a call, or maybe my friend down the road might have them. The example in this thread is incredible though - the parent wasn’t even working! They seriously don’t get it.

Evilspiritgin · 31/01/2020 15:41

@TeaAndCake321

So all the other parents paying eye watering amounts of fees have to take time off?

I hope she’s got some redeeming features as that’s not a good trait

GEEpEe · 31/01/2020 15:50

I will say honestly that I sometimes flout the 48hr rule because not every case of vomiting or diarrhoea is due to a contagious infection.

One of my children is sickly in that she vomits when stressed, upset or in pain. If it is clearly that and she isn't generally unwell then I wouldn't mention it.

The times she has had a tummy bug, the vomiting has been repeated and she will have other viral symptoms.

"Toddler diarrhoea" is also common. Again, with my little girl she always shits for England when there's a busy day like a wedding or family party. One might argue it's the food but she often doesnt eat much because she's playing all the time and then what she does eat will shoot through her undigested. This could go on for a whole weekend we are away. She's just excitable I reckon.

hibiscuswater · 31/01/2020 15:55

Why on earth you would read the OP and think she rang an ambulance for your typical puking child and not automatically think there was something more serious going on is completely beyond me.

Because there are people out there who call 999 for ridiculous reasons, unlikely the OP who had a good reason to.

www.itv.com/news/westcountry/2019-12-12/police-share-ridiculous-999-calls-in-bid-to-reduce-number-of-inappropriate-calls/

Honestface78 · 31/01/2020 16:08

How dare people call out the OP's ambulance trips. Who knows more about the situation, you or them??

Irrespective of that OP, YANU to think their child should be tucked up in bed. 1) it's how germs are spread 2) poor child is suffering. I find it selfish of any parent. Careless too.

Durgasarrow · 31/01/2020 16:27

Honest to god, what is wrong with this mother. She brings her child, who I will name Vector for these purposes, to a soft play establishment? So that Vector can drool upon every piece of equipment that every other child is going to touch, thereby infecting every other child possible? Has the woman never heard of the Germ Theory?

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