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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask - WTAF? (Not light-hearted, sorry). Concerns cancer. *title edited by MNHQ with OP's agreement*

64 replies

IHeartKingThistle · 30/01/2020 23:21

Can I just put this here? I've got nowhere to put it in RL and in RL I am very breezy and positive indeed.

I'd lost 3 friends to cancer before I was 35. I'm 40 now. This year, my friend's breast cancer has returned, savagely. A much-loved relative has terminal lung cancer, out of the blue. And today I found out that my sister isn't responding to chemo in the way they'd hoped.

WTAF? Just what the fuck?

Just need someone to tell me not everyone who gets cancer dies. Because everyone has so far and I can't lose her.

OP posts:
Paleninteresting · 30/01/2020 23:24

I’m so so sorry. I’m not up to speed on cancer but I am listening.

QuestionableMouse · 30/01/2020 23:25

There are always survivors. Really hoping that your loved ones are in that group.

BlackeyedSusan · 30/01/2020 23:26

Bloody hell, that is an awful run of bad luck.

BlackeyedSusan · 30/01/2020 23:27

So sorry.

JustHavinABreak · 30/01/2020 23:27

I'm so sorry. Not everyone though. Don't give up. My sister is still with us. Kicked cancer at the age of 32. I have a family member with lung cancer having immunotherapy at the moment. Don't give up. Cry and scream and rant and then dust yourself down and get up again Flowers

hibiscuswater · 30/01/2020 23:27
Thanks
LadyGAgain · 30/01/2020 23:28

Thanks for you. So sorry. This totally sucks and isn't fair at all. I am sorry that so many people you care about are dealing with cancer which is a fucker.

Not everyone dies. I have two happy stories. One is my mums best friend diagnosed with breast cancer when she was 45. She's just about to turn 72. The other is my best friend. Diagnosed nearly 5 years ago at 37 years old.

I wish yours a full return to health for many many years to come.

HairyFloppins · 30/01/2020 23:28

So sorry OP.

PickAChew · 30/01/2020 23:28

So sorry. I know people who survived many years longer than expected but luck is still too great a factor.

TARSCOUT · 30/01/2020 23:30

Me (47) friend (52) and mum (79) all had cancer and still here to tell the tale. I have one friend who didn't make it sadly. Lifes a fucking bitch isn't it! You lose your temper, hit a wall, cry, wail and get it out as much as you can so you're the best you can be for your loved ones.

AmelieTaylor · 30/01/2020 23:36

Not everyone dies from cancer.

Survival rates are better than ever.

I really hope your sister is one of the survivors- you certainly deserve to catch a break!🌷

2018SoFarSoGreat · 30/01/2020 23:38

Bloody hell, that is more than your fair share of loss already. So, so sorry OP. Cancer is a bitch. A fucking bitch.

Sending a hug, if you'd like it, and best of best wishes for your loved ones. Flowers

Monty27 · 30/01/2020 23:47

OP listening here too. It's shit. I've lost close friends and acquaintances.
This year I lost a wonderful brother.
It's a very painful time.
I've also known several survivors. You need to balance on hope.
Much empathy Flowers

Spanglybangles · 30/01/2020 23:49

That’s just horrendous OP, I’m so sorry for the losses you have suffered so far. Cancer is shit, indiscriminate. Not everyone dies. I had a colleague who has survived cancer twice, as has her husband, friends mum survived cancer, other friends mum survived cancer twice, sister in law survived cancer.

On the other hand, grandparent died of cancer, friend has secondary terminal cancer, still living life though 3 years after terminal diagnosis. Sadly there is no rhyme nor reason to it, which is why it’s so incredibly cruel.

Wishing better positive times for your loved ones.

Original poster
IHeartKingThistle · 30/01/2020 23:49

Thank you so much. I can't get my head round any of it. Thank you for all the stories. Thanks

OP posts:
dubmumof2 · 30/01/2020 23:54

So sorry OP Flowers you really have experienced terrible losses to cancer already. Wishing your friend, relative and sister the best of luck and care in beating it.

Yes, I do know survivors, thankfully more than I know victims. I even know people who have survived being diagnosed twice and are now over ten years clear. I'm sure that I heard last year that the world had reached a point where more people survived following a diagnosis than didn't. I hope that is reassuring and counteracts (even a little) the pessimism that is only natural given your direct experience Sad

cakeandchampagne · 30/01/2020 23:57

I’m so sorry. It must be heartbreaking.
Flowers

cafenoirbiscuit · 30/01/2020 23:58

I have 2 mates who have breast cancer and both are stable. One has been for 6 years, and although she has secondaries they aren’t growing atm. I have fingers and toes crossed for you and yours

Littlemeadow123 · 30/01/2020 23:59

My friend's mum had breast cancer and survived it.

Another friend's little sister got brain cancer as a child. She survived. Amazingly, when surgeons opened her up to remove the tumour, it had detached itself from her brain.

My grandmother had breast cancer twice and survived back when it was harder to treat. She lived into her early eighties before dying a non- cancer related death.

An acquaintance got cancer in every one of her lymph nodes and was told she had six months left to live. It miraculously vanished a few weeks later.

There is always hope. I'll be praying for a full recovery for your friends.

MadCattery · 31/01/2020 00:00

DH had Stage 4 lymphoma-been in remission almost 5 years now. Best friend's mother, had breast cancer in her 60's, long before current treatments were available. She is 98 now! Loads of people survive, and many many don't. Don't worry too much, but enjoy every day you have with the people you love.

Beebumble2 · 31/01/2020 00:02

Sending hugs and Flowers.

I found out today that my friend of 48 years, who has beaten cancer twice, now has lung cancer.
It’s absolute s*t. She’s the kindest person who walked the earth. Doesn’t deserve this.

managedmis · 31/01/2020 00:03

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/life_limiting_illness

^

There are some very supportive people over there, kingthistle

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 31/01/2020 00:11

So sorry to read of all your losses and current friends and family dealing with the Bastard C.
When I was a kid, I didn't think we had any cancer in our family - since then, we lost a grandfather to lung cancer (Smoker though) and my mum to colon cancer; but had a great aunt who survived breast cancer into her 80s (she'd had it much younger), my Dad who was successfully treated for prostate cancer, a friend who is currently clear of malignant melanoma, and my niece who is still surviving from a brain tumour when she was a toddler (now 15).

So yes, some people DO survive and I hope that your sister responds better to the treatment, and that something can be done for your friend and your other relative.

Big (((hugs))) to you though - it's fucking horrible, all of it. Thanks

mathanxiety · 31/01/2020 00:15

So sorry Flowers

stellabelle · 31/01/2020 00:23

I'm a survivor of ovarian cancer. 80% of women who get this horrible disease, don't make it. So I'm one of the very lucky ones. I work as a telephone counsellor for women who are going through treatment - sometimes I feel guilty because I'm fully cured but they are not.

Cancer is horrible - I hope your sister has good news soon.