To ask - WTAF? (Not light-hearted, sorry). Concerns cancer. *title edited by MNHQ with OP's agreement*

[IHeartKingThistle]

Can I just put this here? I've got nowhere to put it in RL and in RL I am very breezy and positive indeed.

I'd lost 3 friends to cancer before I was 35. I'm 40 now. This year, my friend's breast cancer has returned, savagely. A much-loved relative has terminal lung cancer, out of the blue. And today I found out that my sister isn't responding to chemo in the way they'd hoped.

WTAF? Just what the fuck?

Just need someone to tell me not everyone who gets cancer dies. Because everyone has so far and I can't lose her.

Jeez. I'm with you. Currently losing my brother to terminal cancer (imminent @ 53) and my mum to Alzheimer's at 84 (still going strong and a very different challenge). It's all fucking crap. But am also visiting a friend every few days who is now in remission from breast cancer and have another who has the 'all clear'. Hugs to all dealing with all this kind of shit xx

My mom and I had cancer at the same time. We both survived. I’m 20 years out at this point.

Cancer isn’t just hard on the patients. It’s very hard to watch someone you love going through so much.

I'm so sorry, OP.

I live in Mexico and all the people I know who have had cancer young, even very aggressive cancer, are still here to tell the tale. The only people I know who have died of it were over eighty.

I'm so, so sorry to hear about your difficult times xxx. 2018/2019 was difficult for me, I lost three sisters, two (one?) of them, twins. Sadly, I have no useful advice. Stay strong xx thinking of you xxoo

OP I’ve got two friends who had cancer in their early 30s and 40s

Still here, fighting fit, years later. Much like Kylie Minogue.

All good wishes to you and yours

That is bloody awful OP I am so sorry,cancer is a fucking cunt it really is.

Positive storys my Lovely lovely FIL had prostate cancer,he was in his 60's and we think had left any worries he'd had for a while but thankfully once he had gone to the Dr's he was diagnosed and treated and he's still with us thankfully.

My Auntie had breast cancer,she was in her 70's,she finished all of her treatment a couple of years ago,the cancer went and she's doing well.

A cousin of mine in his 50's got very very ill very quickly and had to have part of his large bowel removed,he's finished all of his treatment and he's back at work.

An old friend of mine in her 40's had cervical cancer,she got so ill and so quickly(that really fucking scared me how ill she got and how quickly)she had to have alot of treatment for ages and despite that she kept on working in a really physical,emotional and mentally exhausting job but she recovered and she is doing amazingly.

I bumped into an old friend of my parents last week and he told me he'd had cancer 3 times,he's in his 70's and he's just beaten the last lot of cancer and he looks so well and so happy.

There is so much anger,heartache and sadness left in cancers wake but there are alot of happier endings as well OP and I hope those you love start getting more of the happier endings.

In October 2018 my 6 year old daughter was diagnosed with a rare ‘orphan disease’ that is treated by oncologists and is grouped with cancer for funding, research and charitable purposes (there are weird international politics around classifying rare conditions, who knew?).
This particular condition affects less the 2 people per million worldwide with 40 percent of sufferers dying within 3 months of diagnosis.

She’s been in remission for almost a year and is back at school full time.

Life can be horribly unfair, but it can also be beautiful.

‘Keep Hoping Machine Running’ (Woody Guthrie 1943)

Cancer is just bloody awful, at 36 I have lost a dear uni friend and my MIL to the beast. However people can and do survive - my Grandmother had breast cancer in her 40s and is now one of the most capable 93 year olds I have ever met. My best friend's dad had bone marrow cancer about 10 years ago and you would never know it to see him now.

I hope your loved ones are able to keep fighting.

never give up op.just when you think you cant go on or cope anything can happen.the fight is there but its one you and your sister can win.i dont know how or what makes that happen but dont give up.
if the worst happens you have plenty of people to hold you tight.im so sorry youve been dealt this hand.its just not fair.this illness like others never is.and its not choosy.its nothing in your family or the people you love.its just a sick fuck of an illness.

So sorry, OP.
My cousin survived cancer 13 years ago--hodgkins lymphoma.
My other cousin survived throat cancer two years ago (doctors don't expect it to return)
One of my dear friends was diagnosed with stage 4 skin cancer and given a couple of years to live. She's now four years on and immunotherapy has gotten her into remission.
From everything I have read, treatments are getting better and better. Immunotherapy is groundbreaking, giving better survival rates and a less awful treatment experience. I think there is much to hope for.
Sending you and all your loved ones the best wishes.

OP you might find this TED talk helpful. It's about emotional first aid and also contains a story about a cancer survivor www.ted.com/talks/guy_winch_why_we_all_need_to_practice_emotional_first_aid?language=en

I didn't die! I'm 10 years on this year. The whole experience was utterly life changing and the treatment was brutal, physically and mentally. But I survived and have been for and healthy since, even went on to have my 2 boys. It's such a horrid thing to go through, and in some ways I think it's even harder to watch someone else go through it. Just keep being an amazing friend and sister. Hugs to you.

Really sorry, those are all young deaths and it’s tragic.
I do know younger and older people who have survived cancer or who are ‘living with’ it.
I also know people who have died from it, mainly people over 40.
Someone we all thought would pass away quickly is still with us over 5 years later.
My mum died quickly from lung cancer but she was obviously older - although not that old.
I see cancer as very ‘random’ in terms of who dies, lives with it for a few years, and who survives. I suppose it’s a combination of how early it’s caught, and how your body responds. There is an element of luck in that.

I am so sorry .

I have a friend a relative and a relative by marriage who all had cancer at different ages. My friend who had cancer in her twenties is still alive.

Please look after yourself while caring for everyone else.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2015. I am high risk for it returning, but so far (touch wood) it hasn’t. I was very early forties when diagnosed. Sadly, not every one gets diagnosed early enough, I think as busy working mums we put everyone else’s health above our own and this can have dire consequences (obviously not all the time).
I am so sorry for all your losses, that is very hard.

There are definitely survivors, even when the outlook is bleak initially. My lovely Auntie was first diagnosed with breast cancer in 2004, treated and in remission, but it returned aggressively 10 years ago. She's had chemo and a double mastectomy, and is now cancer free and recovered. It can and does happen

Lots of people truly survive cancer. One of my friends had cancer of the leg at 16 and she'll soon be 50. My mum's friend had bowel cancer in her late 40s and is now nearly 80. And a friend of my DGM had both breasts and womb removed due to cancer but lived till she was nearly 100.

Unfortunately I could also list some who didn't survive but theirs wasn't caught early or symptoms were ignored ☹️.

Looking back at my DGM's friend, each of her cancers was a primary and the surgery was major. They took everything out in those days, breast tissue right up to her armpits. But she saw her great grandchildren grow up.

Fingers crossed for all of your loved ones.

I get exactly what you are saying - you hear all the positive stories in the media - and that is fantastic - but it then comes as a horrible shock when friends and relatives don't survive. My husband had cancer when he was 31 - survived - my mum (80s) has had it twice and survived - a friend got it and died (58). So so sad.

Not everyone dies, OP.

I know several people who have survived and are living normal, happy lives. In fact, I personally know more who have survived than not.

Cancer is horrible, my daughter was diagnosed with cancer at 13, she went through brain surgery and radiotherapy. She is now partially sighted and her brain processing speed has been affected, but in July this year she will have been in remission for 9 years. She has worked really hard and will qualify as a nurse next month.

It wont feel like it to you, but there are positive outcomes to cancer. Hope you can find someone to talk to about all this sadness in your life xx

I was diagnosed with an aggressive (tnbc) breast cancer in 2006. After 6 months of treatment I am, and remain, cancer free so 13+ years and counting. I know many others in a similar position. Cancer is shit but not all die of it .

So sorry for your losses, @IHeartKingThistle

Cancer survivor here myself: I had a run-in with bowel cancer 4 years ago. Still here after major surgery and follow-up chemo. I am monitored regularly. There is hope.

Cancer is such a piece of shit. I'm so sorry.

My SM had lung cancer in her 20 and breast in her 40s.
They think the radiotherapy from the lung cancer caused the breast cancer.

It was pretty aggressive but she had a double mastectomy and will have been in remission for 10 years this year.

My Nan survived it too. She's a complete badass and often jokes about having one boob.

People can survive it OP. Even when the outlook is bleak. I hope your lovely friend and sister both make it

So so sorry op. Cancer is a c*%t and no mistake! My best friend has been through breast cancer twice - double mastecomy the first time round too. But she is very much still here with no plans on dying anytime soon. Not everyone dies but too many do. It is truly truly shit and i wish I could make it all better but you've got to keep hope.

Last year, my friend (aged 52) found a lump and was diagnosed with breast cancer. The healthcare team acted very quickly and removed the lump, followed by a course of chemotherapy and she is now cancer free. She has also made significant lifestyle changes to minimise the chances of the cancer returning.

I stand with you to tell cancer to eff off!

Sending massive hugs to you