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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mil didn’t text daughter on birthday

109 replies

Magicfish · 30/01/2020 14:32

Found it really strange my mil didn’t message my daughter on her birthday to wish her happy birthday or ask anything about it.
She has always text on my birthday and my family have always made big deal of birthdays ( ring, text, go around each other’s house). So find it strange she has not acknowledge it. She sent a card in post and we are having a small party at weekend.
Just feel a bit annoyed, or is this the norm.

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 30/01/2020 15:25

I'd find the call, text, card, drop-in requirement hard to cope with, a card and a visit on the weekend is lovely.

What did she do last year?

Mamato2gorgeousboys · 30/01/2020 15:26

Wow, I think people need to calm down and stop being so nasty. Some families make a big deal about birthdays and Op is used to this. I’m 31 and the first message I wake up to on my birthday is a text from my mum. She also texts first thing on my boys birthdays too. A text is just a simple way of letting someone know you’re thinking of them which is why Op expected one for her daughter.

saraclara · 30/01/2020 15:30

Different families do different things. And it's okay. You can't expect everyone to do what your family does.
If your MIL was annoyed that you didn't do something that her family does, you'd find that unreasonable of her. You're being unreasonable.

Shadyshadow · 30/01/2020 15:33

You get on with them, so why would this be an issue?

And why is it mils job to send a card and message. Did fil message or call?

Original poster
Magicfish · 30/01/2020 15:33

I get families do it differently. Even my husband made a comment about it and it’s his parents

OP posts:
inwood · 30/01/2020 15:35

Does your six year old have a phone? The whole thing is quite bizarre!

fishonabicycle · 30/01/2020 15:36

Does your 6 year old have their own phone?

Shadyshadow · 30/01/2020 15:36

You and your husband need to chill out then. She is seeing her AND sent a card.

Original poster
Magicfish · 30/01/2020 15:37

No she don’t have a phone, but she will ask me to message her nanny and ask her thing and she will reply to my daughter on my phone. Don’t see why it’s bizarre

OP posts:
HerculesJohn · 30/01/2020 15:37

Well, maybe something's going on in your PILs' lives that's distracting her from texting on the day but she's still remembered to put a card in the post.

DappledThings · 30/01/2020 15:38

Just thought it would have been nice to ask if she had a nice day, what she got etc etc.

But she is seeing you and DD at her party in a couple of days. So presumably she'll have that conversation then. Seems totally normal to me.

It's DS's 4th birthday in a couple of weeks. We are having a few people to a soft play thing then some who are travelling a fair bit to ours in the afternoon just for more cake really. PIL and SIL aren't coming. We aren't entirely sure why but aren't taking anything bad from it. It doesn't mean anything other than they are busy/don't fancy it. They will send cards and presents which is lovely. They probably will call to speak to DS on the day as they won't be at the party but if they were coming to the party I wouldn't expect them to call the day before as well.

YasssKween · 30/01/2020 15:42

Not having a go at you OP just noticed that people still automatically think of this as something the MIL hasn't done rather than even considering the FIL didn't either. Wife work syndrome, it's so sad.

I so hope it changes over the coming years but it's depressing how few couples I can think of where a man and woman are together and he assumes an equal role in things like birthday cards and presents for wider family.

FlibbertyGiblets · 30/01/2020 15:45

Yup wifework. FIL off the hook. Not even on the hook.

BeyondMyWits · 30/01/2020 15:48

my daughter? or our daughter? Is it her son's child too?

Original poster
Magicfish · 30/01/2020 15:51

Yes our daughter

OP posts:
GruciusMalfoy · 30/01/2020 16:01

Did your FIL call or message? If so maybe he was doing it for both of them. Regardless, she sent a card, and 8s attending a party, so that's fair enough.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 30/01/2020 16:02

Haha at 6.Mil and even my own parents would ring ds on his birthday we'd just see them at some point

PrincessHoneysuckle · 30/01/2020 16:03

Wouldnt!

AssangesCat · 30/01/2020 16:06

I have never in my life had a text message from my own mother, let alone my MIL. Either of my parents of IL's. Just saying for scale.

1forAll74 · 30/01/2020 16:19

She sent a card,which is way nicer than all this stupid texting. I am surprised that you don't realise this.

LightDrizzle · 30/01/2020 16:25

She’s 6! She doesn’t have a phone.

Sending a card takes a lot more effort than texting.

HariboLectar · 30/01/2020 16:33

Card > Text

iklboo · 30/01/2020 16:35

If she's anything like my MIL she'll have sent it to the wrong family member Grin

cstaff · 30/01/2020 16:36

Jaysus - I have heard it all now. So she sent a real card and is coming to her birthday party but because she didn't send a bloody text she must be an evil MIL. FFS

Herpesfreesince03 · 30/01/2020 16:38

Jesus Christ! She’s 6! Does she even have a phone?? Her nanny went through the effort of going out and buying a lovely card and a stamp, writing in the card and popping to the post box to get it to her in time. She’s also attending her birthday party next week, during which I’m assuming she’ll wish her happy birthday in person and perhaps give her a gift? And you’re upset because she didn’t also text YOU happy birthday (when not your birthday)??