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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My old Flatmate has become best friends with my sister

65 replies

Tulip1011 · 30/01/2020 13:17

I know this sounds trivial but really irritates me. I moved in with two girls when I became single in my early thirties and we had a blast. My sister was living around the corner and I’d invite her to join us when we went out and stayed in drinking wine etc. Those girls were vital for me at that time to get over my ex and move on in life. The girl I was closest with seemed to have more in common with my sister and when my sister fell out with her best mate they became best mates. At the time I was a bit snnoyed but not like there was anything I could do so we all hung out together. Then my sister started arranging holidays with her and sometimes they’d invite me along. I felt my sister was taking over my friendship. It lead to me falling out with her as well as other things. She didn’t speak to me all the way through my pregnancy because I had an argument with her boyfriend. I started to see my old Flatmates by themselves although I knew they were friends separately with my sister. My sister started to send lots of presents to them and make a big fuss of them. After a while my Flatmate made my sister bridesmaid at her wedding. I went To the wedding and got on ok with my sister but I was a bit hurt. My sister and I started to speak again when my baby was born and we now get on ok, but I would not say we are as close as we were. Now my old friends are starting to want to meet up in a group with me and my sister. AIBU to feel annoyed my flatmate did not as my friend take my side and wants to include my sister in our friendship?

OP posts:
CripsSandwiches · 30/01/2020 13:20

Was your sister deliberately trying to exclude you? From your description it isn't clear whether your sister and flatmate clicked, became best friends and did things just the two of them sometimes. If so I don't really see the issue.

LochJessMonster · 30/01/2020 13:20

You're in your thirties for goodness sake. People are allowed to be friends with whoever they want.

goodgodingovan · 30/01/2020 13:24

You don't own your friends.

inwood · 30/01/2020 13:26

You sound very childish. You don't own a friend. -you sound like my sister

lucida00 · 30/01/2020 13:28

I can’t believe you fell out with your sister over this! I also can’t believe someone in her 30s thinks like this. Yabu.

Tombliwho · 30/01/2020 13:29

Every week there is some utterly childish 'group of women drama' thread on here that reminds me of 13 year old girls.

lastburritos · 30/01/2020 13:30

You're in your thirties.
You have children.
Grow up.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 30/01/2020 13:33

There’s comes a point in life where you realise your friends aren’t your possessions to entertain you. they’re people with their own feelings and they’re going to have other friendships that develop in different ways. Usually that point happens when you’re a teenager.

You need to grow up OP. Friendships aren’t a contract. They grow and change over the years. Some people meet new people who they become closer to than they are to you, and sometimes that person will be someone you don’t like. You have to be adult and accept it or you’ll lose all your friends for behaving like a toddler.

lanthanum · 30/01/2020 13:33

I used to be a year 7/8 form tutor, and this sounds like the sort of stuff I spent too much time dealing with then. Friendships change, move on. (To be fair, I think when a sister is involved, there's often a bit of extra tension; you're probably subconsciously reminded of times in your childhood when someone befriended your sister in preference to you, which brings back the same emotional response you had then.)

8by8 · 30/01/2020 13:35

I’m sorry, I honestly don’t get why any of this bothered you.

One of my closest friends was originally my brothers friend. So what? My brother is still friends with him too, but we have more in common and see each other more without my brother there. As far as I know my brother has no issue at all with this.

You didn’t own your flat mates. They’re allowed to be friends with whoever they want, as is your sister.

Heismyopendoor · 30/01/2020 13:35

You sound like you are about 6! People can be friends with whoever they like and as many people as they like.

Original poster
Tulip1011 · 30/01/2020 13:36

First of all: my sister fell out with me!! I tried to reconcile things it was her who escalated it to fully ignoring me and hanging out with my flatmates

Secondly: I did say this was a trivial post - read first line and don’t bother reading the rest if not interested

OP posts:
MeetmeinParis · 30/01/2020 13:38

It all sounds a bit childish to me OP. YABU.

Needtomoveon84 · 30/01/2020 13:42

I'll be honest OP I met one of my closest friends family abroad last year.

They live in South Africa and I was invited along.

My friend is quite difficult with very extreme fixed views that sometimes we've had issues with.

I found myself liking her sister so much more than her. So much more in common and easier to get along with.

I didnt let on to my friend but sorry to say OP you can't control how other people like each other.

iloveruby · 30/01/2020 13:44

I think you probably know that rationally they haven't done much wrong but it doesnt stop it being hurtful especially as your two flatmates played such an important role in getting your life back on track.

I do get how it feels when two people you introduce end up getting on fair better with each other but expect that having the argument with your sister probably made it harder for you to see them getting on well.

Acknowledge how you feel, acknowledge what is reasonable/unreasonable and then enjoy the friendships as they are.

iloveruby · 30/01/2020 13:45

Oh, and if it turns out your sister has been awful to you when you fell out and your friend didn't support you then that puts a very different spin on things.

Bezalelle · 30/01/2020 13:49

This all sounds so petty. You need to grow up!

Boom45 · 30/01/2020 13:49

I'm married to someone I met throught my flatmate, that's how life and relationships work isn't it? Your problems with your sister have nothing to do with your ex-flatmate and people don't generally "take sides" when sisters have arguments - and she invited you to her wedding so she obviously still thinks shes your friend even if you don't.

Original poster
Tulip1011 · 30/01/2020 13:52

Thanks for the slightly harsh feedback that I will take on board! It all seems childish until you find yourself single in your thirties without a support network..try to build one and have it taken away by your sister. Have all the people commenting on my childishness gone through a divorce or separation in thirties? Because you feel suddenly very alone and your friendships are very important.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 30/01/2020 13:59

Your sister seems to like to fall out with people so she may fall out with your friends at some stage. I’d run with it. I get your disappointment at the bridesmaid thing. I do think YABU from what you’ve written. But I also do wonder if your sister is demanding or likes to be centre of attention. How about you, what are you like?

SpoonBlender · 30/01/2020 14:03

You did say "I felt my sister was taking over my friendship. It lead to me falling out with her as well as other things" so it's no surprise people took it to be you falling out with her.

Just give up the nonsense and be friends with all of them, stop being a drama queen.

Squidgyflump · 30/01/2020 14:05

Op, I get it.

I've been in a very similar situation myself and I honestly understand how you are feeling.

Don't let people make you feel like s**t (in real life or this thread)

X

GetOffTheTableMabel · 30/01/2020 14:09

It sounds to me as though you could embrace the fact that everyone likes each other and have two great women in your life or make yourself unhappy by having neither because others aren’t compartmentalising things in the way you would prefer and your jealousy is getting the better of you. Its not worth being precious about this. Enjoy all the women in your life. Making friends gets harder.

Damntheman · 30/01/2020 14:09

I think you'd feel a lot happier in general OP if you stopped competing with your sister.

Luckystar20 · 30/01/2020 14:11

OP you need to grow up you sound hardwork.

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