My old Flatmate has become best friends with my sister

[Tulip1011]

I know this sounds trivial but really irritates me. I moved in with two girls when I became single in my early thirties and we had a blast. My sister was living around the corner and I’d invite her to join us when we went out and stayed in drinking wine etc. Those girls were vital for me at that time to get over my ex and move on in life. The girl I was closest with seemed to have more in common with my sister and when my sister fell out with her best mate they became best mates. At the time I was a bit snnoyed but not like there was anything I could do so we all hung out together. Then my sister started arranging holidays with her and sometimes they’d invite me along. I felt my sister was taking over my friendship. It lead to me falling out with her as well as other things. She didn’t speak to me all the way through my pregnancy because I had an argument with her boyfriend. I started to see my old Flatmates by themselves although I knew they were friends separately with my sister. My sister started to send lots of presents to them and make a big fuss of them. After a while my Flatmate made my sister bridesmaid at her wedding. I went To the wedding and got on ok with my sister but I was a bit hurt. My sister and I started to speak again when my baby was born and we now get on ok, but I would not say we are as close as we were. Now my old friends are starting to want to meet up in a group with me and my sister. AIBU to feel annoyed my flatmate did not as my friend take my side and wants to include my sister in our friendship?

Also, look at it from the point of view of your sister and your flatmate. They obviously have a close bond and it would be silly of them to give up on such a nice friendship to protect someone else's hurt feelings.

Hang on, you’re in tour thirties?????
Get a hobby or something

*your

I think if this is something your sister keeps doing then you need to protect your privacy and keep her from having too much knowledge of your life.

A friend never mentioned her virtually identical twin sister. She moved away and did everything to look as different as possible to her. Her sister turned up uninvited and took a weekend to outdo her sister and monopolise all her friends.

It was chilling how our friend seemed to be muted out and lost all liveliness when her twin was there charming everyone. She completely took over. The visiting twin was actually very similar in behaviour to how our friend was when they were separate. It was like she'd temporarily replaced her.

Our friend is now non-contact with both her sister and mum. Her evil twin did the same thing with romantic relationships and her mum took her sister's side.

@Tulip1011 YANBU to be hurt and upset, but you won't get THAT answer from many on mumsnet. Most people on here don't let ANYthing get to them! They don't care if they get no birthday cards, or if they don't get invited to something that their partner does, or if their husband goes away with a woman on a weekend trip, and shares the bed with her, or if someone who is a good friend of many years prioritises a friend she met last month over them.

And all the 'what are you 6 years old' and 'you sound like hard work,' and ''you sound immature, pathetic, and childish' comments are so rude and unnecessary.

Just ignore the vitriol and spite on here OP.

No real advice though sorry. Other than just give them all a wide berth. No doubt their amazing chummy friendship will run its course, and if they're lucky, you may be around to listen to their woes and their bitching when they fall out, and they need you again. And it will happen!

On the other hand, you may have moved on.

Bit awkward with it being your sister though. Would be easier to avoid and ghost if it was just a mate.

Good luck. Don't let them get you down.

As I say, just give them a wide berth. Don't contact them, and don't get in touch with them. Let them run after you!

I can see how that would hurt, but by the sounds of it, they do get on better with your dsis, so if you force them to choose then they'll probably choose her.

Think about your relationship with your sister over the years. Is this the one time something like this has happened, or does it keep happening? If just the once then it's understandable that you're upset, but not anyone's fault. If your sister does this repeatedly then you need to stop her having any contact with your friends in future.

I wish I'd learned this earlier. In my thirties I took my sister along to a party as a plus one when I split up with my husband. She's now dating 2(!) of his friends and stirring the pot whenever possible. She has been this way since childhood. I left Facebook eventually because of the amount of time she spent getting in contact with my friends, starting relationships with them and then shutting me out. The only way to protect myself was ensuring that she never knew who my friends were and couldn't contact them.

I realise this makes me sound like a child and I resent having been dragged down to this level. My sister cut off all contact with me a year ago and it's amazing how much better I've felt emotionally since. I have a young baby and I am pleased that they have no contact. I couldn't bear to watch her trying to make my baby like her more than me and that is very much her style.

Have all the people commenting on my childishness gone through a divorce or separation in thirties? Because you feel suddenly very alone and your friendships are very important.

Yes actually, I did. But I was in my mid-20s and the person wasn't a roommate. But I had just gotten out of an abusive relationship and I became friends with a girl I worked with. She listened to me (and I to her) and we did a lot together. I thought we'd be BFFs. And then, for whatever reason, two other girls at work suddenly began to 'cultivate' my friend and exclude me and Girl 1 simply drifted away from me. I guess you could say I was 'Wendied'.

I was sad and upset but I figured that if Girl 1 had been a true friend they wouldn't have been able to pull her away. We all still worked together and it was hard at first, but I focused on myself and making new friends. I suggest you do the same.

Are you 12? You don't own friends, if they get on better and want to be mates that's up to them. I have a circle of friends I met through another friend nearly 20 years ago, the original friend hasn't seen them (apart from my wedding!!) in over a decade, I still meet up with them regularly and chat everyday. She couldn't care less! We are in our 30s though and are adults...

Sounds like some weird competition with your sister, I think you just need to grow up a bit.

@flyinghedgehog

You don't sound like a child at all, and neither does the OP. Just because people are not 12 anymore, and are 30+ and married with kids, that doesn't mean they can't get upset when people shit on them/let them down/find new friends and abandon them......

Fucked off with the attitude of (some) people on here, who think you are pathetic and childish, if you DARE to complain about a friend finding new friends and excluding you, or about someone forgetting your birthday, or someone leaving you off a guest list, etc etc..........

People are entitled to feel slighted and upset and hurt without being laughed at, ridiculed, and scoffed at by people on here.

@TeaAndCake321

Are you 12?!

ODFOD.

Have all the people commenting on my childishness gone through a divorce or separation in thirties

I actually did go through exactly that. I have sympathy for your emotions, but you are and were completely unreasonable and it does sound massively childish, I'm afraid.

You've got to learn to be gracious when it comes to friendships, and not take it personally when you end up not being the favourite. You aren't the centre of the universe.

I think some posters are being really harsh, OP.

I think I understand how you feel. I have a " friend" who tried to do something similar to me. I introduced her to another friend (M) for the purpose of accomplishing a specific goal. She the. tried to forge a relationship with M, deliberately excluding me from invitations and conversations. M had no interest in her and let me know. I was hurt.

So I cannot imagine how it felt when your own sister planned vacations and outings with your friends and did not include you. Some people are just like that. They are called "friend jumpers" and they suck.

I teach teenagers and this is the sort of crap they’d get annoyed about, not a Mother in her thirties.

@TigerOnATrain what’s ODFOD? I assume something not very nice.

Oh Do Fuck Off Dear.