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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family want us to give financial gift back....

275 replies

Liskenly · 30/01/2020 11:58

A couple of years ago DH's grandfather gave us a substantial financial gift (he was very wealthy). We'd brought a house that needed a huge amount of repairs and this money funded all of the repairs. We never asked for this money it was a spontaneous gift - his view was that we'd make better use of it than he did. We were very close to him and cared a lot for him prior to his death late last year. He has sadly now passed away. He has left the main part of his estate to be split between his 12 grandchildren (many of whom haven't seen him in the last 5 years). They are now insisting we give the gift back (taking it from the inheritance) so it can be divided between the 12 grandchildren with the rest of the of the estate (it has turned rather nasty). We're not wealthy, but we are comfortable, but can't afford to give back the money - basically it means we'd have to give £10k back to them as well as not have our 'share' of the inheritance. I've not met 5 of them but now recieving really nasty emails, texts etc. What would you do?

OP posts:
sausagepastapot · 30/01/2020 16:37

Block and ignore.

FrangipaniBlue · 30/01/2020 16:56

@AdachiOljulo is the only one on this thread it seems who actually understands IHT !

I was coming on to say pretty much the same thing, £10k seems about the right figure for the IHT that has arisen on the £50k gift with it being within 7 years.

letmebefrank · 30/01/2020 17:05

OP's husband doesn't have to inherit 'less' to make up for the gift if it was a gift.

Refer everyone to your solicitor and ignore them.

getupnow · 30/01/2020 17:12

I don't think you should have to pay anything back but I can see the issue surrounding the perception your DH has already received his inheritance. Is it worth falling out with 11 plus family members?

BlouseAndSkirt · 30/01/2020 17:13

Please take independent legal advise
On what? Whether to give in to guilt tripping from relatives?

If the other beneficiaries are arguing that the IT which will have been paid on the gift should be re-imbursed, what grounds would they have for that? Their own amounts will similarly have been subject to the same pro rata amount of IT.

I can see why some grandchildren would feel resentful, having not revived large gifts, but as one was given an entire house in the past, he clearly chose to give gifts as and when he wanted to.

PlanDeRaccordement · 30/01/2020 17:14

YANBU
But if the IHT owed on the gift is the £10k in question, it would make sense to pay that out of your share of the inheritance. I agree have your solicitor handle it.

Urkiddingright · 30/01/2020 17:14

Block them, they have no legal right to this money.

Gingernaut · 30/01/2020 17:15

It doesn't matter what's right or moral.

IHT has been calculated with the gift.

It isn't fair, it's not the fault of the recipient or the giftor, but there it is.

It's not fair to the other beneficiaries either.

LightDrizzle · 30/01/2020 17:18

Ignore. Block them if necessary. Nasty fuckers.

UYScuti · 30/01/2020 17:19

I think morally you owe the tax on the gift you received
say whut??

Bluntness100 · 30/01/2020 17:21

Does seriously anyone think the tax on th gift should be jointly paid for by the other family members and not only the op and her husband?

That's as grabby as it gets.

SnoozyLou · 30/01/2020 17:21

It was a gift during his lifetime. If he gave them £50 for Christmas every year, are they all paying it back into the pot? Of course they're not.

It would be a resounding no from me.

FrangipaniBlue · 30/01/2020 17:23

Exactly @Bluntness100 !! The OPs husband should receive his 1/12 share of the remaining estate LESS the tax attributable to the gift.

PlanDeRaccordement · 30/01/2020 17:23

It doesn't matter what's right or moral.

Really? So right and morality don’t count when it comes to greed for money?

Time40 · 30/01/2020 17:25

Does seriously anyone think the tax on th gift should be jointly paid for by the other family members and not only the op and her husband?

Yes, I do. And they wouldn't be "paying", they would merely receive a slightly smaller inheritance.

DillBaby · 30/01/2020 17:26

Refer them to your solicitor and block them. I certainly wouldn’t give up money just to keep greedy people happy.

SnoozyLou · 30/01/2020 17:28

If it was less than 7 years ago, you would probably be liable for inheritance tax though, and possibly capital gains in tax. I would speak to a solicitor ASAP. I'd be worried about the other grandchildren contacting HMRC.

PlanDeRaccordement · 30/01/2020 17:28

The OPs husband should receive his 1/12 share of the remaining estate LESS the tax attributable to the gift.

My thought too. It would be unethical to expect the other beneficiaries to pay close to £1k each in IHT out of their inheritance to cover the £10k IHT due for just the OPs DHs gift that occurred within the 7yr window. The gift recipient should cover all the IHT due on any gift received.

As for the £50 Christmas gifts mentioned...well that’s below the IHT threshold. No tax is due on those gifts.

It’s not reasonable to ask for the £50k gift back, but it is reasonable to ask the gift recipient to cover all the taxes due on the gift!

fairlyplump · 30/01/2020 17:38

you have no obligation to give them this money. Ignore their messages, block their numbers, and if they carrying on harassing you report them to the police. Be strong

getupnow · 30/01/2020 17:51

It doesn't matter what's right or moral.

If less people thought like that perhaps there would be less disputes over wills.

I know someone who inherited 2 properties worth 250k each, his sister was left nothing because their mum was spiteful. He transferred one property to his sister straight away, he valued her more than an extra 250k.

letmebefrank · 30/01/2020 17:52

They other beneficiaries aren't getting 'less' because of the earlier gift; they have no entitlement to anything beyond what the estate is worth after all taxes are paid. And that £10k is part of the taxes, no matter what they think about it.

getupnow · 30/01/2020 17:52

Also that's often how children lose out on inheritances to step parents, who cares about morality or doing the right thing as long as you get the green, yuck!

FabbyChix · 30/01/2020 17:55

Ignore them it was a gift it’s nothng to do with anyone else

TheSparklyPussycat · 30/01/2020 18:04

Please see a solicitor.

That said here is my take on it, from my experience of DM's estate a couple of years ago, this is my understanding of the situation :

You don't have any IHT to pay at all, the estate bears that, though the gift is counted back into the estate as it's only 2 years ago.

The IHT has to be paid before probate can be applied for, if the bill is large it can be tricky for the executors to find the money up front.. Maybe that's why they have asked you for money. Do not give them any and see a solicitor.

IAN a solicitor. You've had varying advice on here, some of it is downright wrong.

NomDeDieu · 30/01/2020 18:08

My 8nderstanding from my parents situation is that it is a gift and the grandfather can decide to spend his money whatever way he wants AS LONG AS giving the money has been done by selling a house etc... (aka it was some savings or income he had).
So it depends on where the money he gave to your dh comes from.

I agree about going to see a sollicitor because it really isnt clear cit as to whetehr this will be part of the inheritance or not.

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