Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family want us to give financial gift back....

275 replies

Liskenly · 30/01/2020 11:58

A couple of years ago DH's grandfather gave us a substantial financial gift (he was very wealthy). We'd brought a house that needed a huge amount of repairs and this money funded all of the repairs. We never asked for this money it was a spontaneous gift - his view was that we'd make better use of it than he did. We were very close to him and cared a lot for him prior to his death late last year. He has sadly now passed away. He has left the main part of his estate to be split between his 12 grandchildren (many of whom haven't seen him in the last 5 years). They are now insisting we give the gift back (taking it from the inheritance) so it can be divided between the 12 grandchildren with the rest of the of the estate (it has turned rather nasty). We're not wealthy, but we are comfortable, but can't afford to give back the money - basically it means we'd have to give £10k back to them as well as not have our 'share' of the inheritance. I've not met 5 of them but now recieving really nasty emails, texts etc. What would you do?

OP posts:
Curiosity101 · 30/01/2020 12:29

You definitely can't ignore them entirely, but I absolutely wouldn't be engaging with them via text/phone etc. As someone else suggested, tell them to instruct a solicitor so that it can all be worked out 'correctly'.

The thing that worries me is that the gift may still be classed as part of the estate, and as a result you've already been giving more than 1/12th of the estate so I don't know how that would work from a legal stand point. Solicitors would know though.

They're being horrid for chasing / complaining / getting nasty about it though. It's not their money... they didn't earn it. I don't understand people feeling like they're 'entitled' to inheritance.

KatherineJaneway · 30/01/2020 12:31

Just ignore them.

Money brings out the worst in people.

newbingepisodes · 30/01/2020 12:31

How do the other people even know you got given the money while he was alive?

IntermittentParps · 30/01/2020 12:31

I'd write to them and politely say that you'll wait to hear from their solicitor and will instruct your solicitor to respond to that communication as and when.

I think there'll be tumbleweed. They're on a hiding to nothing and are just trying to bully you into giving them money.

helberg · 30/01/2020 12:32

I think you need legal advice. You may have to pay IHT on the gift if it was given within the last 7 years.
Who is the executor of the will and what do they say? If there is nothing in the will about this gift being taken into consideration when the money is shared out then you should not pay it back.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 30/01/2020 12:32

has the inheritance tax been paid for on this gift sum? If not, perhaps they want you to stump up that so it doesnt impact their percentage?

maddening · 30/01/2020 12:34

Is it, for example, that 1/12 of the estate is £40k and gf have you £50k and therefore they want £10k returned to split between the other 11?

maddening · 30/01/2020 12:34

Yanbu though, I would get legal opinion

viques · 30/01/2020 12:35

It is the legal responsibility of the executors to comply with the wishes of the deceased as expressed in the will. It is not up to the beneficiaries to try to wrangle the terms of the will amongst themselves. If the executors know about the gift and think it lies outside the terms of the will then they will proceed by following your gf's instructions.

CripsSandwiches · 30/01/2020 12:35

Who do you suggest pays the inheritance tax on the gift? Obviously it would be unfair if the other grandchildren have to pay tax on your gift so at the very least you should be contributing to that. From a moral perspective though I don't think your gift should be shared out since it was obviously intended for you not all grandchildren.

Oulu · 30/01/2020 12:39

I think you need legal advice. You may have to pay IHT on the gift if it was given within the last 7 years

No, OP won't have to pay IHT. If it is payable, it is the estate's liability, not hers or her partner's.

oncemorewithfeeling99 · 30/01/2020 12:39

To save family angst and stress, I would reply saying you are under no legal obligation to do anything since it was a gift. However as a gesture of goodwill and kindness you will forgo your inheritance. If this isn’t agreed to then you will be happy for them to take legal advice (As will you) which you are sure will confirm the original will stands.

Straycatstrut · 30/01/2020 12:39

It's so disgusting the amount of grabby, rude, entitled vultures relatives picking over the inheritances as soon as they feel enough time has passed since the death (or even before it).

I'd send a polite message stating that your DH's GF made his choices regarding gifts/estate personally and clearly, and they should be respected, and that is what you're doing. That's all that needs to be said.

MaxPaddyandHarry · 30/01/2020 12:39

I can see the point about inheritance tax, but it was his to give.
Unless you hear from their solicitor I would ignore them. Just giving them money because they stamp their feet would be foolish.

14allandall41 · 30/01/2020 12:40

I suspect that because this gift was given within the last 7 years that it has been taken into account in the calculation of the estate and inheritance tax is due payable by the estate prior to any division of residual assets to the grandchildren (or other beneficiaries)? If this was a straight gift I would try to ignore. Just make sure that you have your facts correct with the will.

CoffeeCoinneseur · 30/01/2020 12:41

No, OP won't have to pay IHT. If it is payable, it is the estate's liability, not hers or her partner's

Nope, it’s not always the estates liability, it depends on the circumstances. OP needs legal advice.

CakeandCustard28 · 30/01/2020 12:41

Get legal opinion. However my opinion is he gave you the money as a gift, therefore it doesn’t need to be paid back.

IntermittentParps · 30/01/2020 12:42

I would reply saying you are under no legal obligation to do anything since it was a gift. However as a gesture of goodwill and kindness you will forgo your inheritance.

No no no no no!

The OP shouldn't start making deals; she should just ask them to explain, via solicitor, their legal position ie ask to see their hand (I suspect they don't have one).

NellieEllie · 30/01/2020 12:42

I guess they could be cross because the gift will come out of the IHT allowance - so £350K is the personal allowance before tax is payable, then there is a “direct descendant” - ie children/grandchildren exemption - £150K (I think). So, if you were given, say £100k, this will come out of those allowances leaving that amount less before tax at ...40%?
They are thinking that if this is being viewed as inheritance for tax purposes, it’s not fair it’s not distributed according to the will. Wrong of course, but I can see why they are looking at it like this. Who is the executor? I’d just say that you will correspond with the executor only concerning these matters “to avoid confusion”m and no doubt, that the executor can explain the situation to them. (Poor executor!).

I am sorry for your loss, albeit a while ago now. It’s lovely that you helped care for him, and of course he wanted to show you his appreciation. He would NOT want you to be in the position of “repaying“. It was a lovely gift and the whole family need to honour that.

mrsrhodgilbert · 30/01/2020 12:42

As the money was gifted within the last 7 years there could be a tax implication, depending on the total size of the estate. It’s not as simple as people saying just ignore it. You need legal advice, either through the solicitor dealing with the will, or if the family are doing it themselves I’d recommend independent legal advice. I’ve been through similar, it caused bad feeling for some time

QueSera · 30/01/2020 12:43

It was a gift, made by DGF long before he died. He knew what he was doing - giving DH a gift, as well as leaving him 1/12th share of the inheritance.
Ignore them. Greedy fckers.

Karenisbaren · 30/01/2020 12:44

Ignore them it was a gift.

MarieG10 · 30/01/2020 12:44

And what is their rationale for expecting this to be gifted to them as opposed to his wishes to give to yourselves?

Are they suggesting he was not of sufficient mental capacity?

I would send them on their way

OVienna · 30/01/2020 12:44

Regarding giving the gift back, they are whistling into the wind there. However, and I hate to say this, could they go down the route of you placing 'undue influence' on him or some such?

It sounds like the money came within the last 2 years. Were you aware that if it is under 7 years inheritance tax could apply? I don't think this is something you can just ignore, tbh. My understanding is that this would apply regardless of whether the CFs around you had turned up.

Agree, it's got to be solicitors at this point to sort it all out.

SuperMeerkat · 30/01/2020 12:45

Chancers! Tell them to get in touch with a solicitor (and ask them to note down every time they were given/borrowed a fiver as you think that should go back into the estate) 😂😂