Aibu? The lethal mix of perimenopause and young kids

[Everythingnotsaved]

I’m 46 with 2 kids and fairly sure I am in perimenopause- I am a knackered, short tempered old bag at the moment. I also work full time so it all feels like a bit of a lethal combination.

Aibu to think mixing kids and school routines and general hectic ness of young kids (mine are 8 & 12) is like lighting a fuse?!

I just feel so stressed and exhausted all the time- i’m shouty and grumpy and have no tolerance for the general stress of life at the moment. My poor kids- I think I am a horror to live with at the moment. Doc won’t give me anything to help as my bloods are normal & hormones ‘normal’ but i know things aren’t normal as I feel unhinged a lot of the time.

Any suggestions on what to do? Mornings are a particular stress point as I feel like I am haranguing my kids to get ready, get dressed, do teeth etc in time to get out. It’s hideous.

Yes I'm in the same boat as you and it's really awful. No answers yet I'm afraid but I'm considering making an appointment at a menopause clinic because I feel like I can't go on like this. for you

If your bloods are all normal, does that not suggest it’s unrelated to the menopause?

Might you be depressed?

You need to change GP. Bloods are a poor indicator and they should be doing the full menopause checklist

@Redlocks28 perimenopause doesn’t really show up in blood tests that much

@merrygoround51 what else should i ask? My doctor is very crap & dismissive. I have been 3 times- my periods are wonky as in my cycle is irregular, I get anxiety & heart palps, aching joints, headaches and mood swings. Sleep also all over the place

Blood tests are largely irrelevant after age 40 as day to day hormones are fluctuating wildly.

OP I totally sympathise and would pay to see a proper menopause specialist.

I'm surprised you weren't fobbed off with antidepressants. The lack of knowledge is incredible and depressing in equal measure

Sounds totally like perimenopause to me.

Anxiety was/is my worst symptom. I have never had a hot flush. But all the things you list are only too familiar! And some more as time goes on...

Have you been tested for ferritin level? I'm the same age and thought I was falling apart. Then my hair started falling out and I was tested. Low vit D and iron. I'm loads better now I've had about a month of supplements.

Search Dr. Berg, he has some interesting suggestions on how to reduce symptoms during the menopause.

Have you tried any of menopause support women’s supplements? I’m better for taking well woman

A friend swears by acupuncture has helped her, I would definitely look for another opinion.

Don't be fobbed off, this doesn't sound like depression. Menopausal women are often misprescribed anti depressants. Read

www.menopausedoctor.co.uk/

There's info you can print off and take with you to another GP appointment, many GPs know very little about the peri/menopause.

@DrCoconut yes, everything fine but I have started a menopause vitamin supplement to try and deal with some of it- it’s my levels of rage and impatience that really make me not recognise myself

I'm the same age as you and was lucky with my doctor who has put me on HRT. Just go in and say I want to be put onto HRT. Don't leave them to join the dots.

But Im also on an antidepressant for the anxiety/mood issues which come with the menopause. The combination seems to be helping me.

I could have written your post. It's an identical situation for me. I'm really struggling. I was well known for being so calm and serene but now I feel stressed and tense the whole time to the extent that I'm actually shaky and dizzy. I thought I had some awful disease but apparently not - just stressed and I'm 100% sure it's the perimenopause. If I have a busy day - like every day is busy (work, kids, house chores) I feel so physically weak and shaky that I need to lie down. Nothing helps me except rest but then I feel bad as soon as I'm on the go again.

Its horrible. Im in peri for last 2 yrs. I have put on 2 stone! My bones hurt, hips especially. My sleep is in tatters. Hot flashes are insane! So uncomfortable. Not too mention anxiety & a sense of impending DOOM.

Kids only 7&9. I used to love spending time with them. Now im shouty mom...patience virtually disappeared.

Im only 39! Feel about 60.

I was just thinking this last night! I’m 48 with a 14 and a 10 year old. I work and home educate one of them ( I work evenings and weekends). DH is very good re housework and doing his fair share of the kid stuff but I feel so knackered, irritable and anxious these days. I said to my husband the other day that my life is just a constant irritable drudge, totally lacking in joy. I can’t understand it as I do have quite a lot of good things in my life. All I really want to do is sleep...

Forgot to mention the exhaustion!! I am SO TIRED ALL THE TIME.

I went on HRT at 45 (although I have no kids). I was really struggling with it - temper/depression/aches/hot flushes etc. I just printed off a list of all the HRT symptoms - and there are about sixty! - and ticked off all the ones which applied to me, and went to my GP and said I wanted to talk to her about HRT. We had a discussion about any risks, and benefits, and she put me on it without even doing bloods - she said it was a "pre-emptive strike". I'm now 48 and a lot better. It saved my life.

Sometimes I do say to my two- "look, TIME OUT- for me!" And get them to let me have ten minutes to myself to calm down.
Organisation to the nth degree helps too. My two have AS, so they need structure and routine, which helps organisation and to minimise chaos... our Mon-Fri life is pretty boring and repetitive, but we get through the week mostly without too many frayed tempers.
The lack of sleep is a killer, and probably exacerbating all the other stuff. So strong evening routine for you too- if you're tired, try to nap! At least you'll get some rest.
Ask the DC to take on some small responsibilities, they're big enough to do that.

Get your ferritin levels checked.

Take a good menopause vitamin supplement.

Look at A. Vogel site they have weekly bits sent to email about menopause and they are giving away a week’s trial of their menopause tablets when you sign up for free!

YES. I am almost out the other side now (and DD is now 13, so we have a whole other set of hormonal storms to deal with instead). And it's shit, and miserable and you have my total sympathy.

It's such an individual thing as to what works, so in the end it's just trial and error, but the Menopace plus supplements really helped me with hot flushes at night, which I think is down to the sage. Also, magnesium supplementing with high quality supplements + oil spray took care of the palms within 3 days. And I found B12 and yoga alleviated the aches.

In the end I took citalopram for the anxiety, but then I had been suffering from it before peri, it just accentuated it, but that's been the biggest help of all.

I feel for you, OP.
I was a total witch at about the same age and definitely perimenopausal. Luckily my periods were definitely getting less and my GP prescribed HRT as soon as i asked about it. I think i was 48.

I know it’s not for everyone — but my symptoms improved almost overnight.
(I also had horrible hot flushes but the main thing was my awful moods and ill-temper. I could almost see my DH and DC cowering as I walked in the door after work. 😳😔. )
Could you not see another GP and big up your erratic periods, say they are getting worse too?
Also the suggestion upthread about looking up all menopause symptoms, ticking off the ones you have and show it to the GP sounds like a great idea. Don’t give up, there are solutions for you. .

Bloods are a very poor indicator for peri-menopause, make yourself aware of the symptoms so you can identify what is happening and go and speak to your GP. Arm yourself with information because they are quite likely to try and fob you off with anti depressants even though this is against NICE guidelines.

HRT was fantastic for me, hasn't got rid of the poor sleep but the hot flushes and terrible moods were gone in a week! If you are unwilling to take HRT due to family history then do look at some menopause specific sites to see what's recommended. Help is out there, it may not be perfect but it's better than suffering.