Aibu? The lethal mix of perimenopause and young kids

[Everythingnotsaved]

I’m 46 with 2 kids and fairly sure I am in perimenopause- I am a knackered, short tempered old bag at the moment. I also work full time so it all feels like a bit of a lethal combination.

Aibu to think mixing kids and school routines and general hectic ness of young kids (mine are 8 & 12) is like lighting a fuse?!

I just feel so stressed and exhausted all the time- i’m shouty and grumpy and have no tolerance for the general stress of life at the moment. My poor kids- I think I am a horror to live with at the moment. Doc won’t give me anything to help as my bloods are normal & hormones ‘normal’ but i know things aren’t normal as I feel unhinged a lot of the time.

Any suggestions on what to do? Mornings are a particular stress point as I feel like I am haranguing my kids to get ready, get dressed, do teeth etc in time to get out. It’s hideous.

Look here www.menopausematters.co.uk/

And I would really like to encourage everyone to talk to the females in their lives about it, including younger women. No-one seems to know anything about it really until it hits them. People seem to think it only affects women post 50 but it doesn't. We also need to get rid of this idea that Menopause is shameful and not to be talked about - like most things to do with women's health.

I was talking to one of my best friends about it and she was extremely grateful as she lost her mum at a young age and had no-one to ask about these things. Lets get rid of the taboo and stop suffering in silence.

Threads like this are great OP - it helps you feel like you're not going mad! I'm 46 and have felt things changing for the last couple of years, most of the things people have mentioned above plus my skin is a mess - incredibly dry but with added acne - a great combination. I'd started getting really really sore boobs with PMT but after following a recommendation on MN I'm taking Agnus Castus which seems to be working well. I'm hoping it might help with the rage as well. Oh god, the rage...

Try the menopause with a teenage daughter - we are both hormonal nightmares, it is like nature's sick joke.

I have patches which have really taken the edge off - it is a tough time in a woman's life, but it is treated as an embarrassment or a joke. Luckily my DH is very supportive and takes it seriously - I do feel for him sometimes when the house is like a soup of angry female hormones.

I’ve been peri menopausal for a couple of years now. I’ve just had another baby and my hormones are all over the place still but I can feel the return of the peri menopause symptoms (irrational anger, awful night sweats, hot flushes, anxiety, and again, irrational anger!!) pregnancy was a nice break from it all!

I didn’t know anything about peri menopause or menopause until I had the symptoms, only to find out that it’s likely you’ll go through menopause around the time your mum did. She went through it at 44. I found this out when I was trying to get pregnant with this bub, at 41. Very stressful. We definitely need to talk about it more!! My friends, who are yet to experience it, know very little about peri menopause etc.

I agree whole heartedly with talking about it!

I knew nothing. I was 45 when periods stopped completely.

My DD (11) started her periods recently and I had luckily got her all the books/supplies/told her things she needed to know. Saw it as a big adventure.

At the same time I told her all about the menopause and that my mum had told me nothing and it was important she knew for when it happened to her. She was fascinated and very sweet! There is a feeling of 'we're in this together' which helps me no end.

I'm disgusted that it is something which is seen to be ashamed about.

I'm disgusted that my old, male doctor tried to put me on antidepressants. That I knew 99% approx. more than him.

Oh, YY to it starting in your 40's. 12 of my good friends (who I talk to about such things) were actually menopausal (not peri) between 43 and 49. Every single one.

People really do think it happens when you are 50 plus which is not my experience at all. People say proudly 'oh I'm nowhere near menopausal' at 46, in almost a superior way and then BOOM, a year or two later they are begging for advice.

Here are the NICE guidelines to diagnosis of peri/menopause. Print them off, read them, highlight the relevant bits. Get back to your GP. Your GP should follow this pathway. The guidelines have the facts and figures about risk vs benefit. HRT and supplementing with oestrogen will protect your bones and cardiovascular health.

www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ng23/chapter/Recommendations#diagnosis-of-perimenopause-and-menopause

Yes, there is this denial that it's happening and a bit of oneupmanship like you're not womanly enough or you're old because you're perimenopausal. It's fear I think.

I think more needs to be done about educating people about the stages of peri, and menopause, although admittedly they are different for different people. I was told by my specialist (yep, my peri is that bad) that the period of menopause is actually a finite point to a certain extent - the year around when your period actually stops for good. Everything before that is peri - from when you first notice things changing, to when the shit really hits the fan.

So when I was a kid, and my mum and her friends were talking about going to through the menopause, they weren't - they were going through the perimenopause.

Deux makes an important point, it's not just about hot flushes and moods, you're long term health can be hugely affected by this.

JustHereWithMyPopcorn I agree with every point you have made on this thread.

Yes, I get that 'oneupmanship' from my sister, who is clearly peri menopausal and only a year younger than me. She is 48.

(And has just been prescribed anti depressants by the doctor )

But no, she is not peri menopausal at all! I agree it's fear.

Peri menopause and a teenager with ADHD

46 with teenager and a toddler.

I still have periods and am on a low dose combined pill and it has made a huge difference. I do not take period breaks. I also drink less and exercise a lot. If I gain weight my doctor will take away my estrogen so I am highly motivated. They make me come in every 3 months for blood pressure and weighing.

Good luck op! Don't suffer.

@BillieEilish Just start dropping symptoms into the conversation and she may have an epiphany. It's harmful for us to deny what is happening.

@CarolineIngalls It's a myth that HRT makes us get fat, it's down to age and changes in our hormones (my husband finds he's getting fat too but he hasn't been taking HRT! ) also, after having a lifetime of average to low blood pressure it is now mild hypertension - it was like his prior to taking HRT but I watch it like a hawk as does my GP.

I blame teenage sons for that though!

I think I'm in peri. I'm so fucking grumpy for ten days a month it's utterly miserable. Exhausted, depressed. Solidarity.

I'm in the same boat at 43! I've become a grumpy, joyless screamy mum. I don't enjoy my kids at all and cannot wait for their bedtime (and my own!).
My periods are still regular but I'm irrationally bad tempered 3 weeks out of 4. I have night sweats, insomnia and weight gain.

It's bloody hard isn't it.

Exercise and cutting sugar really helps me. I didn't do this over Christmas etc and the difference in my moods was like night and day. I wanted to kill every fucker that came near me

My dd are 20 & 14, already warned them that they may start menopause in their 30's. My last period was at 36, so was my mums! Advised them if they want kids then, not t just, keep putting it off till a "perfect time", as they may find by then they can't. As a society, The more we talk openly about it , then hopefully as they get older there will be less secrecy around it. Only reading this have I realised that my god awful rage, horrendous exhaustion & mood swings, that I take a very effective antidepressant for could be menopausal related! I'm 48 now & only just realising that it may not be depression that has caused these issues, which actually makes me feel a bit better bizarrely enough. Thanks OP 🙂

DS was about 14/15 when I was like this so our relationship could be a bit of a nightmare. I explained to him what was going on with me, and how his hormones were all over the place too. When we started on one of our nuclear level headbutts one of us would say 'uh oh, hormones...' It wasn't infallible but it definitely helped. I understand your DC are younger but perhaps if you felt the eldest would understand it might help to defuse the situation a little.

My doc has given me blood forms to check hormone levels - I checked the NICE website, and it says blood tests aren’t appropriate for women over 45 (I’m 49). I just want them to give me HRT - I’ve researched it, so I know the risks and benefits - but they’re reluctant :-(

That's shocking Bessica Go in with a print out of NICE guidelines, DO NOT accept anti depressants

Get the gel and progesterone

Of course you should get HRT if you wish.

I had blood tests done at around 45, said everything was normal but it clearly wasn’t.
When I eventually went to the go again, about 18 months ago, I had made myself informed and when I asked for HRT he laughed at me! In my hormonal rage he’s lucky to have escaped injury! He tried to fob me off with anti depressants but I stopped him mid sentence and said I would not he taking those, that I wanted an appropriate HRT. I got them and have been soo much better since.

Many GPs are really uninformed about menopausal matters, still referring back to ‘treatments’ from the 70s instead of understanding women’s needs more.

Exercise and diet

Hi, I'm 47 and have very similar symptoms to you. I had a menopause blood test last year and although the doctor said it wasn't conclusive she thinks I am peri-menopausal. She just advised exercise, look at my diet and to do something I enjoy.

It's grim...the anxiety, lack of sleep and brain fog are the worst for me.

My partner isn't really that supportive although he tries sometimes. He is in a stressful job so has little time for the moods and dark clouds that follow me around sometimes.

Sometimes it's very lonely...good
to have forums like this to share and vent!