Aibu? The lethal mix of perimenopause and young kids

[Everythingnotsaved]

I’m 46 with 2 kids and fairly sure I am in perimenopause- I am a knackered, short tempered old bag at the moment. I also work full time so it all feels like a bit of a lethal combination.

Aibu to think mixing kids and school routines and general hectic ness of young kids (mine are 8 & 12) is like lighting a fuse?!

I just feel so stressed and exhausted all the time- i’m shouty and grumpy and have no tolerance for the general stress of life at the moment. My poor kids- I think I am a horror to live with at the moment. Doc won’t give me anything to help as my bloods are normal & hormones ‘normal’ but i know things aren’t normal as I feel unhinged a lot of the time.

Any suggestions on what to do? Mornings are a particular stress point as I feel like I am haranguing my kids to get ready, get dressed, do teeth etc in time to get out. It’s hideous.

Peri menopause with teens is no better!

I’m in exactly the same boat!

I’m certain it’s peri but like you my bloods haven’t shown anything.

2 kids, single parent, full time job and peri Menopause is not easy!

Gynae who I saw about something else (prolapse) thought it was probably peri so not just self diagnosing.

Aah yes Lilgreen...I have a 12 year old who is in full swing puberty and having treatment for anxiety and a 9 year old so feel your pain.

I'm going to start with some good menopause vitamins and I've signed up for an art class...something I used to enjoy. I firmly believe doing a bit of what you love can help....let's see.

I do hope you find what works for you.

Oh I feel your pain. I am menopausal and DD 12 is ridiculously hormonal too. Actually feel a bit sorry for DH!!

Mine are 19 and 16 and not out of the woods yet. Hate to say it but I found it easier when they were younger.

perimenopause was evident in my bloods..some GPS don’t fully acknowledge Perimenopause and only discuss menopause as if perimenopause ain’t real!! There are so so many symptoms maybe try get a different GP...can’t suggest anything only awareness,,,need to acknowledge What it is and it’s many symptoms...sleep and hydrate more if you can...eliminate or cut down on smoking and alcohol....try get 30mins you time daily to do something you enjoy..

So what are the symptoms? I'm 42. I have hyperthyroidism so I'm thinking my tiredness, brain fog is that and life but now I'm wondering?

I did the diet thing (no sugar at all, low carb), it worked...to an extent.
I exercise a lot, it worked...to an extent.
I supplemented... magnesium etc...it worked to an extent.

Eventually the peri symptoms won. Ive started HRT and starting to feel normal again,

I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend HRT. I’m 45.

Many GPs are really uninformed about menopausal matters, still referring back to ‘treatments’ from the 70s instead of understanding women’s needs more.
Yes because of all the previous bad publicity around HRT, the oestrogen doses now are pretty mild and it comes with progesterone to protect the lining of the uterus. If I remember accurately the oestrogen was originally given without progesterone which caused problems, raised cancer risk etc. in the early days.

NC for this as the advice I give is probably instantly recognisable by my patients!
I am a GP specialising in menopause and it breaks my heart to hear all the stories above. I work at a menopause clinic and it is full of women who have suffered needlessly for years without HRT.
To give GPs their due- it is one of about 10000 conditions we are meant to keep up to date in and advice has changed massively over the last few years. When I started 15 years ago we were frantically taking everyone off it after the last big breast cancer scare.
You absolutely can be in the perimenopause with normal blood tests and HRT is fantastic- it makes you feel like a new woman and sorts out the sleep and anxiety, as well as the joint pains/palpitations/dry skin/irritability/tearfulness/low mood.
@Realmumstuff is there any way you could try another GP? Or would you be able to find enough money to see someone privately? You should only need a one off appointment and the GP should be able to take over prescribing after that. Have a look at Louise Newson's website and at Menopause Matters.
Have to go to bed now but happy to answer any questions tomorrow.

@menopauseGP my mum had breast cancer when she was 26 and pregnant.

What is the likelihood of me being able to take hrt ?

Mum had a hysterectomy in her early 40s due to many issues with fibroids .

I feel hideously peri menopausal

@IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls it would depend on whether you have the BRCA gene or not. (and obviously I don't know your full medical history etc so you would need to ask your own Dr etc...)
If you don't have the BRCA gene a GP would probably not prescribe as they don't have the expertise but it would definitely worth discussing with a proper NHS menopause clinic. There aren't many around but in the clinic I work in in London people travel for hours to get there.
The advice would be in our clinic that we know you have a slightly increased risk of breast cancer but we don't know how much. We know that HRT slightly increases the risk of breast cancer (though the increased risk is very small) but what we don't know is the individual risk for you. We would be happy to prescribe as long as you are willing to accept that small increased risk.
For a lot of women they feel so terrible that they are happy to take the small risk. For others the risk is too great.
If you do have the BRCA gene it would not be prescribed unless you have had a prophylactic mastectomy.
The fibroids aren't relevant you will be glad to hear.

Op I hope you've managed to get some help from the GP.

I started mine at 33 with drenching night sweats and anxiety, my periods do whatever they feel like and I'm foggy brained and low, its horrible. My kids are now older teens and it does get easier in regards dealing with family life although me and DD do have the occasion hormone fuelled spat we laugh about later.

I hit the brick wall with the blood tests too, Drs all agree I'm peri but because of the 40 year old guideline they can't prescribe HRT. I'm now 6 odd years in and can be prescribed it in 4 months! I'm actually excited at the prospect of being the old, organised happy me! We did reach a point last year where we considered a referral to an early ovarian failure consultant but we had so much going on with the family and business I just couldn't face more appointments.

It feels as though the perimenopause is ignored and not taken as seriously as it should be, it takes so much away from day to day life and is miserable.

@redcherries- I am so sorry you have had to suffer for so long. There really isn't any need to wait and you should be able to have it now! There is no reason why your GP can't prescribe you HRT.
For you the specific worries are your bones as you started going through the menopause early. Have you been offered a DEXA scan? Please ask the GP to sort one out for you- it is to look at your bone density.

I can totally relate OP. The anxiety, paranoia, rage from nowhere, brain fog, tiredness like pregnancy tiredness and all the other ways you just don’t feel like yourself. I’ve passed up possible promotions because of it and feel like I couldn’t be the mum and wife I want to be. Really upsetting.

I’m finding a combination of regular acupuncture (with a traditional acupuncturist as opposed to a medical one) and regular vitamins, omega oils and iron have helped.

I’ve said to myself that I’ll try this for now but if it gets worse again I’m going to pay to go to a specialist clinic to see if HRT can help.

Hope you find something that helps. It’s miserable. Sending you

Can I ask you, for those who have mentioned anxiety, have you always been anxious or is this a new thing? Also, how does it affect you - do you worry more or do you have any of the physical symptoms of anxiety?

I too, (age 46) have recently had a blood test and it came back 'normal'.

But, although I have always experienced anxiety, it feels a lot worse. lately, especially in the mornings. The trouble is, because I have always experienced anxiety, I don't know whether mine is situational. It has also coincided with me trying to deal with issues from my childhood. Other symptoms include low libido, irritability and I really need to monitor my periods because I think they have become irregular (alternating between closer together and further apart). I don't have any night sweats as yet and I feel this is the one defining characteristic of hormone change, so nothing definitive.

The gp did prescribed hormone patches (oestrogen) but these kept falling off and I was uncertain whether they were actually having any affect. I really need to see someone (perhaps on a private basis) who can actually work out what is going on (but scared of chucking my money away, if it isn't actually the problem) and prescribed the right kind of hormones, the ones I might actually need. Feels like I'm going around in circles.

I only know one other person in real life who is currently going through this, so no-one to speak to on a regular basis.

oh yes, and insomnia, which I'd never experienced until recently but again could be linked to inherent anxiety.

And yes, I have young children as well as a teenager, strange times.

Try Maca, evening primrose oil, exercise, meditation, relaxation, regular bed time and time to get up, lots of extra TLC for you.

Oh and reduce sugar and processed carbs / foods on your diet. Healthy diet, plenty of fresh fruit and veg, healthy fats, clean diet is everything. I'm sure you know this but peri affects your cortisol levels and more stress on top of that creates even more sex hormone imbalances. Stress reduction is paramount.

Agree with others who say exercise, healthy diet and no drink is best. Still no magic bullet though. Dealing with my 13 year old dd at the same time is a nightmare, my 4 year old is easier to deal with really!

Hi - just another thought - are you peri-menopausal AND progesterone-intolerant? If so, join my happy gang! My GP has been meddling with progesterone dosages as part of that element of my HRT with some unhappy results. My Estrogel-only days are brilliant!

See www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3880923-aarrrggghhh-insomnia-back-again