To not want to meet his girlfriend because of my weight and the way I look?

[trampolineparknoway]

I'm 16stone 5'8 and I just hate my body, I feel fat I feel self conscious and always avoid going out. Ex and I are still good friends, he lives a walking distance from me, and the kids are staying at his house this weekend. When I asked him what he's doing with them this weekend, he said he's taking them out to a trampoline park and asked if I wanted to join them. I think he wants me to meet his girlfriend, he has previously asked me to come round but I've always made an excuse.

He knows I don't work at weekends, and I'm just at home. So this time I can't make an excuse, as it will just look bad that I don't want to go out with my own children.

His ex is really slim and pretty, I've seen her through the window when they walk back 🙈

I just think she will take one look at me and think wow look at the state of her, can't believe it was with her help!

You don't need to go, and you don't need an excuse. No is enough of an answer. No thanks, if you want to be polite. You certainly don't need to tell your ex your plans. You could have plans to do anything, maybe you should make some plans and do what you want to do.

However, if you are unhappy with how you look or how you feel, could this be a chance to change things if you believe they need to change?

It doesn't matter what she thinks of you at all BUT if you are not happy with yourself then you can change things.

In your shoes I would make plans for that night, a movie with a friend or a keep fit class or anything else. Tell your kids you are not free and do something for yourself. Or simply have a nice night in.

But i'd also suggest you work on getting life as close to how you want it to be and then if you want to meet her in the future you can. My guess is that you don't want to meet her and this is all driven by your ex, he doesn't get to control you so feel free to tell him, I'm busy that night.

Then if you want to, in the future,

*You don't need to go, and you don't need an excuse. No is enough of an answer. No thanks, if you want to be polite. You certainly don't need to tell your ex your plans. You could have plans to do anything, maybe you should make some plans and do what you want to do.

However, if you are unhappy with how you look or how you feel, could this be a chance to change things if you believe they need to change?

It doesn't matter what she thinks of you at all BUT if you are not happy with yourself then you can change things.

In your shoes I would make plans for that night, a movie with a friend or a keep fit class or anything else. Tell your kids you are not free and do something for yourself. Or simply have a nice night in.

But i'd also suggest you work on getting life as close to how you want it to be and then if you want to meet her in the future you can. My guess is that you don't want to meet her and this is all driven by your ex, he doesn't get to control you so feel free to tell him, I'm busy that night.

Then if you want to, in the future,*

Thisx1000

Never you mind what you look like lovely. You are the one with the history, the mother of his children and you still have a good relationship with her boyfriend. What more do you need? These are the things that actually matter, the onus is on her to impress you! x

Don't meet her, there is no need to get yourself so stressed and upset, protect yourself and your own feelings.

BUT it is really sad for you to live in a body you hate. And to have nothing on at the weekends if your ex has the children. Why not go for a lovely long walk and look into overhauling your diet? Take the chance to start cherishing and loving your body by looking after it. I know how much better I feel when i exercise and eat healthily. Instead of beating yourself up, why not use this time to invest in yourself.

I think you should go along if you possibly can, for the sake of your dc who will love seeing you all together at something. Be really friendly to her and that's what she will see, smile and make conversation and enjoy seeing your dc enjoying themselves. You don't realise this but you really do have the upper hand here because you are the mother of those dc and you had that man first - that's what she will be thinking!

I'd rather meet anywhere than a trampoline park, the DC will be begging you to bounce, she'll probably bounce if she's fit.
Maybe a meal or a DC's birthday party in the future. Use this as motivation to help you feel better about mentally and physically.

Somebody once said to me "If she does think badly of you because you're not as slim as she is, why would you respect the opinion of someone who is so unkind?" Go, hold your head up high, be smiley and friendly... you never know, you might end up with a new friend! And it will be good for your children to see you all getting on well.

OP, I can understand how you feel and I can understand it is hard! I think it would be a really good thing for your DC if they can see you having friendly, relaxed interaction with your ex's new partner, even if it is superficial. My parents separated when I was around ten, but both worked hard to remain on friendly terms for my sake. But over the years my mother refused point-blank to meet my dad's new partner, even though she was happy (and enjoyed) sharing the odd family occasion with my dad. It's really hard to explain but it left me feeling really, really uncomfortable as if on some level she was in denial about how their lives had moved on. It would have been so much easier for me if she had have slapped on a cheery smile from time to time and acknowledge that my dad's partner (who is lovely) was a part of his life.

If it will make you feel better, my ex is currently dating a bona fide international film star and his photos (as of a "mysterious man") are all over tabloids in her country of birth

Is your ex Madonna's new toyboy?