To not want to meet his girlfriend because of my weight and the way I look?

[trampolineparknoway]

I'm 16stone 5'8 and I just hate my body, I feel fat I feel self conscious and always avoid going out. Ex and I are still good friends, he lives a walking distance from me, and the kids are staying at his house this weekend. When I asked him what he's doing with them this weekend, he said he's taking them out to a trampoline park and asked if I wanted to join them. I think he wants me to meet his girlfriend, he has previously asked me to come round but I've always made an excuse.

He knows I don't work at weekends, and I'm just at home. So this time I can't make an excuse, as it will just look bad that I don't want to go out with my own children.

His ex is really slim and pretty, I've seen her through the window when they walk back 🙈

I just think she will take one look at me and think wow look at the state of her, can't believe it was with her help!

Why do you say his ex is really slim and pretty? Aren't you the ex? Is there another ex?

Look you are who you are. Own it. And unless she's a bitch she's not going to be thinking that,

Sorry I meant his girlfriend 🙈 sorry my mind is in overdrive, I'm just thinking on Saturday, what to wear what to say how to look etc. I've barely slept since I spoke to him, just panicked

If it will make you feel better, my ex is currently dating a bona fide international film star and his photos (as of a "mysterious man") are all over tabloids in her country of birth . He also wants to bring her over to introduce to the children (very little contact between them), and I have similar misgivings, as ridiculous as it is.

Just say no. You dont have to make him happy at your expense anymore!

He's your ex. Lovely that you get on well for the kids. But no reason you have to socialise too much with him. You night simply have other plans. However, if you do want to go for the kids sake she probably won't think any of this things...she'll be too worried worrying what you will think about how she gets on with your kids.....which is also equally a bit silly.

He's your ex because you and he didn't want to be together. Not because of your size.

It what about you go - but only have time for a quick coffee? (Introductions done....you can control when you leave.)

Go. Smile, be friendly and enjoy yourself. I've piled on the timber due to medication and had the same shame. It's taught me to stop fretting daily over my looks and actually freed me up to enjoy time, which I'll never get back, with my DD.
I've also realised that only bullying taunts sneer at other peoples' appearance, I never notice size shape etc, so many others mustn't either. Go and enjoy!

You presumably see them all the time when they're not with him so just say no you've got plans.

*twunts

Honestly there is no need to panic, you're not in competition with each other. This is all about your feelings about yourself. Living in a body you "hate" is really sad. Maybe use this as motivation to get yourself into a place you feel happier.

She's honestly not going to care what you look like.

“She's honestly not going to care what you look like.”

Nonsense. She’ll care the same way you care what she looks like. It’s human nature.

But - she’s most likely already seen your photo and knows what you look like. And if she’s feeling insecure like you, she in turn might be imagining you have this incredible charisma and personality and is wondering if she’s good enough.

Imagine if seeing you gives HER anxiety that he actually has a penchant for curvy women. Or that you and he shared a really strong connection that allows you to still be friends now, and how can she contend with that.

OP, I know comparison is natural but she will be the person who is more fraught with anxiety meeting you. But also, if you don’t want to go, say thanks for the invitation but I’m seeing Xzy for coffee that morning.... byeeeeee

She will already know what the op looks like, it's not like it's going to be news to her.

Forging a good relationship can only be a good thing for your kids.

Your ex sounds half decent and I can't imagine he'd put up with her saying anything nasty even if she did think it.

You can easily get out of this by saying you have plans, the fact that you don’t have your kids doesn’t have to mean your just sitting at home (does it?). I co-parent with my ex too and whenever I’m kid free I’m usually out and about!

I do understand where you’re coming from though - I’ve gained about a stone over the last year and am working on losing it and I totally get how it affects your self esteem. But you really mustn’t let it stop you doing something you want to do (if you actively don’t want to meet her then don’t, but if you’d like to and are being held back by your weight then please go!)

I have also been in this exact situation of being introduced to the new girlfriend - in my case I was paranoid as she was 9 years younger and yes, very pretty. I was actually gratified to note that she looked terrified! She will be nervous too.

I think you need to get help with your anxiety. You should be able to go out and do things.

Do you have some good friends?

Given that you and your ex are on such good terms, the last thing his current girlfriend will be doing is passing a negative comment about you. So please try not to worry x

Dont go. You dont have to socialize with them! Buy a workout dvd and eat better, you'll feel better about yourself.

I remember meeting my stepson's mum for the first time. It was nearly 20 years ago. I cannot remember at all what my first impressions of her looks where. What I do remember is her being friendly and saying how pleased she was my now DH had met someone. I will never forget this as DSS was with us and it was so healthy for him to see his Mum's reaction. We always then got on OK even when DH and her had awful times. And if anyone in DHs family bad mouths her I always stick up for her.

...Or stop making silly excuses and tell your ex that although you welcome their relationship and happy for them, you would prefer not to meet her yet.

I’m sorry that you feel so upset by this.

The new girlfriend will want nothing more than to make a good impression with you.

Why the fuck would you want to meet his girlfriend????

I’m divorced we both have new girlfriend/boyfriend. I don’t want to meet his and he doesn’t want to meet mine. We are friendly for the kid but we aren’t mates... he is my ex husband and our lives are separate!

Why would you care what she thinks? It’s not going to change anything if she thinks your fat is it? Her opinions do not mater. Not all skinny people are vein you know, they don’t look down on larger people as lesser beings.

You’re being hard on yourself.

Your ex’s GF can think whatever she likes!

I would decline out of horror of trampoline places - not ideal at the best of times, and definitely not a good location to meet the new GF! The DC will be fine without you there.