To think I shouldn't have to answer personal questions

[OopsItagain]

I'm a single parent. I joined a new running clubs and started a new job a few weeks ago. It seems nearly every time I meet someone the topic quickly goes to my martial status. It usually starts with me talking about my kids but somehow ends up with people asking me about my husband. When I say I don't have one, this usually results in people asking me if I'm single and then if the father is involved etc. I had a couple of people ask me at social events and brushed it off. Then it happened yesterday in office lunch. It was so awkward as in front of everyone including CEO. Coworker asked about my husband and when I said I didn't have one, she said 'oh no, so are you a single mum'. I said 'Er yes' just through embarassment really (would have said none of your f**king business if CEO and whole team wasn't there). She then said it must be really difficult for me and was the father involved?!! I changed the subject in the end but the whole table went silent and it was mega awkward after that. I just think my personal life is my business and it's such an invasion of my privacy to ask such things especially in a work environment. Single people would never get quizzed on such personal issues so why does society deem it appropriate to ask single parents such personal questions about their circumstances? Maybe I am over thinking it. But I am fed up of being in this situation as it's happened quite a few times now when talking about my kids. How do I avoid/refuse to answer questions about my personal life? It is stressing me out.

I get this annoys/makes you feel awkward but if you keep talking about your children then it's going to happen. In the main it's just conversation and chit chat - nothing more. After all no one really cares and being a single parent is hardly unusual. They won't be judging you

You need to be more confident and proud about saying you are a single parent. Then, do as dafodil says - boring story, what about you?, single, married, gay?

Seems like you are uncomfortable/embarrassed about admitting you are a single parent...

A smile and a breezy 'Oh, that's personal!' and then change the subject or leave a silence.

You have my sympathy OP. Sounds bloody annoying. Years ago I went to a wedding before I had any children - I was in my mid 30's and single. I was sat at a table full of couples who preceded to quiz me about why I was single and what went wrong with my last relationship, didn't I want kids etc etc. I feel like some married people sometimes can't get their heads around anyone doing life differently to them.

If they ask about the whereabouts of the dad or his involvement, maybe you could try answering "that's not for now" as a way of shutting them up?

We don't have kids. Someone once asked me had we considered artificial insemination
Another woman when finding this out started on this whole convoluted conversation about infertility. She would not shut up. I was in the house of a friend and it was her mother. So I just sat their with a polite smile plastered on my face

I agree it's annoying but often it's people making clumsy attempts at chit chat. I don't ask people personal questions like that and wait for them to share information if they wish to.

But I don't agree with this
Single people would never get quizzed on such personal issues so why does society deem it appropriate to ask single parents such personal questions about their circumstances?

I'm single at the moment and people never stop asking questions and making comments like "Someone nice will be along for you soon". I also get the "If you want to have children you'll have to hurry up and find someone soon" (I'm 42 and don't wish to have children).
It never stops - it's always why are you single, don't you want to get married, why don't you want children, have you never thought about getting married/having children.

Best thing to do is just to deflect somehow. I often just change the subject completely. I've tried to say things like "That's personal and I don't wish to discuss it" but I find I've had bad reactions to that - people taking offence and complaining about me to someone or other, not realizing their pushiness led to it.

Coworker asked about my husband and when I said I didn't have one, she said 'oh no, so are you a single mum'. I said 'Er yes' just through embarassment really (would have said none of your fking business if CEO and whole team wasn't there).
There is no need or you to be embarassed whatsoever though I do know that feeling. I sometimes feel embarassed about my single status but why the hell should I? It's just society's ridiculous expectations that everyone should be in a heterosexual marriage with a couple of children and anything else is seen as less valid - which it absolutely isn't.
Can't stand people making an assumption as to whether you (as a woman) have a husband or boyfriend. What if you had a wife or female partner? You then have to choose whether to explain it or not.

I think you can often tell when its someone trying to get to know you and when someone is an insensitive nosy shite.

Insensitive nosy shits, tend to get the brutal truth.
Someone once kept probing me as to why we hadn't had another child, despite my best stop this conversation vibes and also, my I am sorry can we change the subject, she kept going to I replied that we had been trying for 4 years I had a miscarriage, and had a complete mental breakdown and was there anything else she would like to know about my personal life as she seemed very interested in me. She stopped asking me personal questions after that

It is a bit rude. I wouldn't do it.

I was once asked if my children had different fathers by someone at work. She seemed surprised when I said yes. I have four.

Same women asked me another time why I had two together, then a gap then another gap. I said because I had several miscarriages between. That shut her up and she never asked me anything again about my family.

Some people are curious and then open their mouths.

Just reply with ‘I don’t wish to talk about my private life’ every single time. You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t wish to.

I'm not pointing a finger at you OP but I find it ironic that these days lots of people are falling over themselves to spurge all their life on Facebook; including their marital status, hundreds of photos of children, family or pets, births, deaths and often intimate details of their lives but get deeply offended if an acquaintance asks if they're single/have children or whatever. How dare they!

I don't think there's any need to be rude to people (unless they're really blatantly horrible!). The vast majority of people are just trying to get to know you, and the sharing of one's life situation is part of that.

But also it's okay to deflect it or change the subject when you want to. And in the case of being in the presence of the CEO, I think it's fine to indicate that it's not the time or place by saying "Oh...that's probably for another time"

Asking you if your child's father is involved is so breathtakingly intrusive and insensitive. YANBU; hopefully someone else there has since asked her wtf she thought she was doing!

GCAcademic yes the arseholes will find you! Or, to paraphrase a mug I used to have, "All the world's a stage, and all the clowns find me". I think it's a bit personal, and YANBU.

Asking if your child's father is involved is breathtakingly insensitive

I think that's a bit dramatic. To me, breathtakingly insensitive is asking someone if they've considered getting surgery on their big nose or asking for the intimate details of their infertility (as above).

Is your child's father involved? Yes he is/ no he isn't but enough about me, are you married, do you have children? ..and so on.

We don't want to get a stage where everything asked socially is off limits because it might cause offence.
Are you going away this year? Insensitive- they might be upset that they can't afford a holiday.
Do you have pets? Arrgh their dog might have died yesterday
Have you tried that new wine bar? No, what if they're a recovering alcoholic!
Enjoying the food? Be careful, they might have anorexia, don't go there.

I do think people are far too quickly offended these days.

It never stops - it's always why are you single, don't you want to get married, why don't you want children, have you never thought about getting married/having children.
It's not only single people who get shit. I have a long-term (20+ years) DP and I get snide comments from single people about it, which come across as very bitter as well as being, obviously, rude and offensive (I never make snide comments about anyone who's single).

Oh, and DP and I have had years of nosy comments and questions about why we're not married, why we don't have children etc.

Basically, most people seem not to be able to keep their rude questions to themselves, whatever people's relationship status.

Like above pp said, say "I'm a happy lone parent. It's actually a lot easier."
Then listen to them with their tales of marital woe.

I don't know how to get out of them asking about the dad. Maybe readers of this could just STOP ASKING THAT. It's never good or you'd still be together, or its sperm donation, so either way they're looking for way to look down at you (and in reflection feel better about themselves)

Also, they used to ask me about new men, often with the regailing of ridiculous dream scenarios, but have stopped now I'm 47. (Too old = I'm confirmed spinster now. Ha ha. Not in my opinion. I have great life)

Society are obsessed with coupling up women imo.

Make up a short but harrowing person experience e.g. my children's father died in a horrific plane crash while away with the other woman. My oldest son tried to commit suicide as a result. So I don't like to talk about my personal life. That should stop them. (Apologies to anyone who has actually had this experience)

People do ask that of single people... and those who aren't single. I've been with DP for 7 years but we're quite young and the question is always - 7years and he hasn't given you a ring?!

Just come back to this. Thanks for all replies. I just want to clarify that the embarrassment was not to do with me being a 'single parent' but discussing my personal life in front of colleagues, most who I don't know. I had also never spoken to this particular colleague before - the one asking all the questions - and when she asked everyone went quiet and looked at me hence the awkwardness.

Of course, asking questions is a way to get to know each other. But shooting multiple personal questions at someone you have never spoken to before is inappropriate! Speaking about and choosing to speak about my children does not mean I'm willing or should be willing to discuss every detail of my personal life - what my ex does, my parenting schedule, how long we were together, how long I've been single, if I get on with him etc. It is no one's business and as others have said there was a judgemental tone. 'Oh it must be difficult.' Actually, no it isn't but why even need to disprove this, especially in front of a group of new work colleagues.

Anyway, thanks for the advice. As others have said I'm just going to say 'I don't want to talk about my personal life.' Same with people prying into any other thing you don't want to answer. I think in this age of over sharing on social media etc it seems some people do share everything. Doesn't mean everyone wants to or should though