Long story sort, caught husband of 20years having an online emotional affair with someone he knows in another country.
Went on for 2months, sent photos, videos, etc so did get sexual.
He has admitted since telling her it's over that she made contact one time about 2 weeks later while she was drunk and told him she hated him and they exchanged a few texts over about 10minutes where he apologised for hurting her and said he couldn't be in contact.
He only just admitted this when I told him I want a polygraph to confirm this has been only contact after an argument last week. We have been trying to recover and reconcile for past couple of month since he told her it's over and it has generally been better, total transparency, leaves phones around, we have both been having individual and couples counseling.
He said he would do it but has tried to suggest waiting a while and then seeing if I still want one as might not if I feel our relationship is getting better and then this week when I said I want to book it this week, he suggested we discuss with our couples councillor before booking.
So had our session and she was totally down for it but did say I have to make an agreement if he does it that I can not bring up the past again, keep asking questions about affair and have to focus on the future not the past which I said I feel I will be able to do as will know that he has not been lying about it being over and not contacting her.
Want to start our new relationship with no secrets and feel this will settle all my fears that he has been keeping things from me.
He got annoyed in session which I thinks is cause he thought counsellor would be against the polygraph and said he will do it but doesn't want to do it as it's degrading.
I said I'm not going to force him and he asked but then what does that mean for us, and I said I'm not sure I need some truths for him, I had given him about 30 questions to answer that I said would be on polygraph that he had answered a day before all with the "right responses"
So in session he admitted that at the moment he does feel half like giving up and half working on us, that at the moment the main reason he is staying is for the children, that he was very flirty with her and started the inappropriate exchanges with her, did think of ways to contact her after he sent text to say it's over but he didn't do it and has made no contact. But was thinking/had feeling of her for about a month after saying it's over but now doesn't feel anything now, is like a bubble burst.
He was crying during these confessions and I really didn't think they were huge things to keep from me so I still feel like he is keeping something major from me which is why he doesn't want to do the polygraph.
Do you think it is degrading to make/ask someone to do a polygraph/lie detector test ? AIBU