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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is a Polygraph test degrading

58 replies

GoingCrazy99 · 29/01/2020 18:10

Long story sort, caught husband of 20years having an online emotional affair with someone he knows in another country.

Went on for 2months, sent photos, videos, etc so did get sexual.

He has admitted since telling her it's over that she made contact one time about 2 weeks later while she was drunk and told him she hated him and they exchanged a few texts over about 10minutes where he apologised for hurting her and said he couldn't be in contact.

He only just admitted this when I told him I want a polygraph to confirm this has been only contact after an argument last week. We have been trying to recover and reconcile for past couple of month since he told her it's over and it has generally been better, total transparency, leaves phones around, we have both been having individual and couples counseling.

He said he would do it but has tried to suggest waiting a while and then seeing if I still want one as might not if I feel our relationship is getting better and then this week when I said I want to book it this week, he suggested we discuss with our couples councillor before booking.

So had our session and she was totally down for it but did say I have to make an agreement if he does it that I can not bring up the past again, keep asking questions about affair and have to focus on the future not the past which I said I feel I will be able to do as will know that he has not been lying about it being over and not contacting her.

Want to start our new relationship with no secrets and feel this will settle all my fears that he has been keeping things from me.

He got annoyed in session which I thinks is cause he thought counsellor would be against the polygraph and said he will do it but doesn't want to do it as it's degrading.

I said I'm not going to force him and he asked but then what does that mean for us, and I said I'm not sure I need some truths for him, I had given him about 30 questions to answer that I said would be on polygraph that he had answered a day before all with the "right responses"

So in session he admitted that at the moment he does feel half like giving up and half working on us, that at the moment the main reason he is staying is for the children, that he was very flirty with her and started the inappropriate exchanges with her, did think of ways to contact her after he sent text to say it's over but he didn't do it and has made no contact. But was thinking/had feeling of her for about a month after saying it's over but now doesn't feel anything now, is like a bubble burst.

He was crying during these confessions and I really didn't think they were huge things to keep from me so I still feel like he is keeping something major from me which is why he doesn't want to do the polygraph.

Do you think it is degrading to make/ask someone to do a polygraph/lie detector test ? AIBU

OP posts:
GoingCrazy99 · 29/01/2020 18:56

Thank you Yasss, that was a really nice kind post !

I'm so confused I don't want to give up on us because of my insecurities if he is truely remorseful which I feel he is.

They say time is a healer so maybe I need to give it some more time and see if his actions make me feel like a polygraph is not necessary.

OP posts:
Avocado2020 · 29/01/2020 19:06

I'm in the same boat, I don't trust my partner of 7 years but I desperately want to as we are welcoming our baby into the world this year. I found mine on dating sites and messaging an old flame and I don't trust him.
I'd say it's not unreasonable, but id also say it's very important to make sure he's trying hard, not just for the kids but because he wants you, I hope your okay, there's nothing worse than the trust being gone :( x

doritosdip · 29/01/2020 19:06

You know that polygraphs aren't 100% accurate.
If he "passes" will part of you think that he's part of the x% of cases where the results are wrong?

What if he "passes" some questions but "fails" others?

If he does the polygraph can you really let things lie or will you have to get him to do a polygraph every x months?

YasssKween · 29/01/2020 19:08

You're welcome xx

I think you need to massively recreate this:

I'm so confused I don't want to give up on us because of my insecurities if he is truely remorseful which I feel he is.

This should say I'm so confused I don't want to give up on us because of the huge damage he has done to my self confidence and security in our relationship which I do know he is truly remorseful for.

Him being sorry doesn't cancel out his contribution to what's happened - and you aren't obliged to accept his apology to the extent that it writes off the sort of "trust debt" he incurred. I don't even know if that makes sense but what I mean is the onus isn't just on you to say you forgive him and so can you back to full trust again.

You're making this next bit your burden entirely and that's not fair on you.

YasssKween · 29/01/2020 19:09

Sorry, that was meant to say you need to massively reframe this...

GoingCrazy99 · 29/01/2020 19:12

Avocado, yes this is so hard isn't it. What does your husband say about his messaging ? Has been truthful with you and shown remorse ?

OP posts:
GoingCrazy99 · 29/01/2020 19:17

Yass, I like your rewording, it is completely correct and is the way I and he feel.

I know I don't have to forgive but if I want to stay in the relationship which I do,
I need to find a way forward. I might not be able to forgive right now, they say it can take up to 2 years to truely forgive and get over an infidelity. So I know it will be hard, I just thought The polygraph would make it easier.

I see now then polygraph is maybe not the best idea, I guess I need to figure out how to switch the intrusive thoughts in my head off

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 29/01/2020 19:23

OP he said he's not even sure he wants to be in the relationship. He's 'half and half'.

I wouldn't even worry until he's made a decision on that.

Avocado2020 · 29/01/2020 19:32

He says he is sorry for everything and it's made him realise how he really wants me and our little family, but then Monday he gave me another reason not to trust him, and yet I love him completely and utterly. It's a horrible horrible situation to be in, and everyone tells me to leave him but now can you when you love someone that deeply? I have to believe he means what he said.. I have a few months left before my baby arrives so I'm hoping that he can work hard at regaining my trust :/ x

user142745271 · 29/01/2020 19:32

You keep framing this as a problem caused by your "insecurities" or "intrusive thoughts", but it's not. You're having normal reactions to his behaviour.

Trying to train yourself to disregard and overrule your natural instincts and emotions is not a good path to be on. It stops you protecting yourself from harm.

Learning to cope with difficult feelings and self soothe is healthy; training yourself to disregard and disconnect from all your feelings is deeply unhealthy.

Why do you want to stay in the relationship?

Elbeagle · 29/01/2020 19:39

This about this...

He had an emotional affair
He pursued her
It became sexual
He has admitted he tried to think of ways to contact her after he told her it was over
He has said he ‘50:50’ wants to be in the relationship
He said he mainly wants to be there for the children at the moment

There is nothing else you need to know. No other information will make this situation any better. It won’t change anything. Make your decision based on the facts above.

doritosdip · 29/01/2020 20:50

I see now then polygraph is maybe not the best idea, I guess I need to figure out how to switch the intrusive thoughts in my head off

People say that you should dump him because once you're broken up, he's free to do as he wishes so every time your paranoia asks what he's up to, you can literally tell it that he can do as he wishes now.

It is a brilliant relief to be free of wondering what he's up to and who he's with. It takes a while of reminding yourself that he's a free agent so can do as he wishes but it's better than living with those thoughts for years and them possibly never leaving.

doritosdip · 29/01/2020 20:51

Stop calling them Intrusive thoughts. His actions have proved that you have reason to worry.

YasssKween · 29/01/2020 21:12

Stop calling them Intrusive thoughts. His actions have proved that you have reason to worry.

I know it's difficult to hear OP but I do agree with this.

The reason these thoughts are so intrusive is that they are so totally, utterly and undeniably rational. Past behaviour is the best indicator of future behaviour.

That's not to say people can't change BUT it does mean that if you decide you'll never fully trust him again that is perfectly fair AND that feeling trust is necessary in a long term healthy relationship is also perfectly fair.

So if you aren't able to fully trust him again, you aren't letting down yourself or anyone else - you are totally within your rights to walk away.

Honestly, it's exhausting trying to move on from this stuff within a relationship and so hard to be your best self when you are constantly suspicious and insecure.

I wish I could say something different but I don't know anyone who has made it back from this point to a healthy place in the same couple.

Other people on here may have different experience, that's just mine. And I'm sorry I know what you're going through is heartbreaking.

GoingCrazy99 · 30/01/2020 00:44

User, I want to stay in this relationship as I love him, prior to this 2month online affair we have had a great 20years and I believe he made a mistake and it is hard to tell the truth when you fuck up.

But I believe it's over and that's why he is being truely honest with what's happened, yes it's come out over a period of time but he has said he was being stupid covering up the lies he had already told in the beginning and the longer it was it was harder to get to the truth and bring up the lies again.

He has said 50/50 and for the kids but I feel the same, I'm thinking about leaving, I'm thinking about staying and if we didn't have children I don't think I would have as much fight for staying but it does contribute.

I know he has caused the Untrust and he accepts that to, apologies for it and said he is 50/50 but he wants to work on us, it's just it's so hard and leaving would be easier but he doesn't want to give up on us and that's exactly how I feel to.

OP posts:
GoingCrazy99 · 30/01/2020 00:47

Avocado, I know it's so easy for people to say leave anyone who cheats but I'm on another forum called surviving infidelity and there are so many people who do get past it and come out stronger.

There are the cheaters on there who post about their regret of cheating and they want to work on their relationship and never cause that pain again.

So not very cheater is a bad person who has to be left for their mistake.

Here to chat if you need to talk,seeing as we seem to be in the same horrible situation xx

OP posts:
GoingCrazy99 · 30/01/2020 00:50

Yass, yes it is exhausting, I'm so drained, lost so much weight (only perk) can't sleep through the night and hate myself for not wanting to just give up but I don't want to right now.

Maybe I will at a later stage if I feel like we still haven't reconnected but surely it's worth trying before quitting.

OP posts:
DecemberSnow · 30/01/2020 00:54

30 questions

I think you need to admit to yourself, you are never going to get over it and you need to break up

Staying for the children is a shit excuse

GoingCrazy99 · 30/01/2020 01:05

December, it's not the only reason but it does contribute to my overall reason

OP posts:
GoingCrazy99 · 30/01/2020 01:17

It's not I'm not over it, I know I can forgive the infidelity, nothing physical happened, it was over a short period of time. It's just that feeling of thinking I don't have the whole story and something is being still kept from me and it makes me feel insecure, paranoid. He may have told me everything, unfortunately trickled out which has made it worse. I know it's his fault I feel this way, but I guess what I want is some advise on how to move past and start rebuilding the relationship or what I need to tell him to do to start rebuilding trust as everyone has said the polygraph is not the way, so what is the way ! Time ? He is totally transparent with everything, I know someone can still hide stuff but I have been checking from another device when he is at work, not with me and seen no evidence of anything and I do believe he is truely sorry

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 30/01/2020 01:29

You haven't found anything because he's now on his best behaviour. That is not the same as him being trustworthy.

GoingCrazy99 · 30/01/2020 01:31

Bitoffun, I know but trust has to be earned back, so isn't best behaviour the only option he has to do to earn the trust back ?

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 30/01/2020 03:07

OP if you really want to make it work the only thing you can do is to accept you'll probably never have the full story and to try and leave it in the past.

I know it's not easy but you'll never get past it if you insist on knowing every little detail.

30 questions seems like a lot for what you regard as a fairly minor EA.

GoingCrazy99 · 30/01/2020 04:15

Giveherhell, your right I know it, I know I have to leave the past in the past and focus on what he is doing now if I am choosing to move forward, it's good to hear someone just say it. Thank you, I think I needed that.

OP posts:
Toffeecakes · 30/01/2020 06:21

As hard to accept as it is OP, it’s over - it sounds like he has you right where he wants you. He’s only 50/50? Really? The cheat has the nerve to put this on you? Remember OP, this is situation you’ve found out about, there could be more.

Your feelings and actions are rational and as a direct result of his actions - therapy is not there to stop your reactions so things can go back to ‘normal’, it’s there for people to work through their issues. I’m surprised your therapist is even seeing you as your ‘D’H isn’t even sure he wants it to work.

Cut your losses OP, you deserve better - if you need someone to do a polygraph then clearly it’s over.

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