To wear a second hand bridesmaid dress?

[LajesticVantrashell]

My friend is getting married in September. I'm a bridesmaid (there are three of us) and she's given us 'dove grey' as a rough guide on colour. We can wear whatever style we want but we're paying for them ourselves.

I saw a lovely grey dress online when I was having a quick look, but it was £150 which I can't afford (after paying for hen do and wedding accommodation too).

So I looked on eBay and managed to find an almost identical one in my size. I bid on it (99p) and forgot about it, so was shocked when I found out a few days later I'd won it!

I told my friend as I was so chuffed and didn't think she'd mind as she's not paying, but she's gone mental. She thinks it's disrespectful not to buy something new and if I can't be bothered to spend money on a nice outfit then I obviously don't care about being a bridesmaid to her.

The dress is yet to arrive and if it looks shit then of course I'll not wear, but AIBU?? Why should I spend £150 on a dress when I can get one for a fraction of the price??!!

No YANBU, perhaps you caught her at the wrong time ... or she’s being a bit of a bridezilla.

No YANBU your friend is though. She’s not paying she doesn’t really get an opinion as long as it meets her colour requirements. If she’s so bothered she just pay for your dresses

If you like the dress wear it why on earth not?

Yanbu, I’d course, so long as the dress looks nice and is in good condition.

Could you placate your friend by mentioning how much you’ll be spending on shoes, jewellery etc? Obviously you don’t need to actually spend a lot, but she might feel you were putting in more effort if you pretended you were!

How weird. I am guessing if it comes and looks terrible you won't wear it but if it looks great how will anyone know it wasn't new?

YANBU, especially if you've got to buy your own dress.
Have you shown her a photo of the dress? I'd be tempted to lie if it fitted and say it didn't & you got it from a shop in town?

YANBU. Your friend is being ridiculous. Either:

• tell her to get over herself, or
• lie: tell her she’s right and that you’ve bought the same dress brand new (then wear the second-hand dress, of course).

Could you placate your friend by mentioning how much you’ll be spending on shoes, jewellery etc? Obviously you don’t need to actually spend a lot, but she might feel you were putting in more effort if you pretended you were!

I could, but how crazy that I can only be considered good enough if I spend money. This is after £250 on a hen do and £200 for two nights accommodation!

You are not BU
I’m considering eBay for my wedding dress! 😂

Yanbu. If it looks good just pretend it's one you bought new. If she wants you to wear s specific dress, she should pay for it.

There's nothing wrong with second hand if it's in good condition and suits the purpose that it's for.
Tell your friend that if it doesn't suit then shes welcome to buy the dress she wants herself.

You’re not being unreasonable, you’re being sensible financially (will you necessarily wear a dove grey ‘party’ dress again?) and environmentally conscious. If she wants to dictate what you can wear she can buy the dresses herself... which she should be doing anyway, IMHO

YANBU. What on earth is she on about? Does she think friendship has a monetary value?!

I've paid for my bridesmaids dresses and was chuffed to bits to get them for £15 in the January sales. Why spend money for the sake of it!

She is being a total bridezilla. I buy almost all my clothes on ebay, esp formal stuff as I'm not paying £££ for things that will be worn a few times.

I would just say.... Ok, fair enough. Then wear it saying it cost £100

Fucking hell your friend is being ridiculous. I'd be tempted to end the friendship. As well as the financial issue, buying a brand new dress that won't be worn again is terrible for the planet.

If she wants dove grey. she should be paying, anyway!

I would be reconsidering whether I wanted to be bridesmaid at all! What a cheek, she's not the one paying for it!

Tell her tough you aren't made of money

If shes not buying your dress she cant dictate how much it costs or where it comes from. For the sake of keeping the peace I'd just tell her you didn't like it and bought a new one. It's a really weird response from her though

She is being a total bridezilla. I buy almost all my clothes on ebay, esp formal stuff as I'm not paying £££ for things that will be worn a few times.

Exactly!! I'd even found some lovely silver sandals for 99p but I'm not telling her that (plus I haven't won them yet...)

If she's that fussed, she should be buying them herself.

I wouldn't have told her anything. Take delivery of dress, if it is ok have it cleaned & altered if required. Send friend a picture of lovely dress.

Yanbu. It's a dress. As long as it's in perfect condition, obviously, it shouldn't matter.

She doesn't value your friendship and she is a selfish snob. Bow out graciously. She is no friend.