To wear a second hand bridesmaid dress?

[LajesticVantrashell]

My friend is getting married in September. I'm a bridesmaid (there are three of us) and she's given us 'dove grey' as a rough guide on colour. We can wear whatever style we want but we're paying for them ourselves.

I saw a lovely grey dress online when I was having a quick look, but it was £150 which I can't afford (after paying for hen do and wedding accommodation too).

So I looked on eBay and managed to find an almost identical one in my size. I bid on it (99p) and forgot about it, so was shocked when I found out a few days later I'd won it!

I told my friend as I was so chuffed and didn't think she'd mind as she's not paying, but she's gone mental. She thinks it's disrespectful not to buy something new and if I can't be bothered to spend money on a nice outfit then I obviously don't care about being a bridesmaid to her.

The dress is yet to arrive and if it looks shit then of course I'll not wear, but AIBU?? Why should I spend £150 on a dress when I can get one for a fraction of the price??!!

Some people are crazy when it comes to weddings. But just apologise and say you didn't realise it would offend her.

If it's a lovely dress, wear it anyway and don't tell her it's the same one and then tell her you found that dress at an independent shop in another town.
She'll never know it's the same one, you've not spent cash and she's not upset for her wedding.

When I got married, I bought a second hand dress for myself, oddly it had never been worn. I hired dresses for my bridesmaids and bought and dyed their shoes, their shoes cost double what my own shoes cost, still cheap as buttons. I chose the colour but they had power of veto. I would never have expected them to buy dresses and shoes that they most likely would never wear again. I gifted both of them a little jewellery as a thank you and memento of the day.

When your dress arrives, wear it with pride, I am sure you will shine on the day, if you still want to be bridesmaid.

If I was Mother of the Bride I would be so mortified at her behaviour, it's so selfish and unkind of her.

I'd be reconsidering if I still wished to be her bridesmaid after that!

Ask her if she's going to send out instructions to the guests too? Is it ok to reuse a wedding costume, but not to buy one second hand, or is she insisting everyone buys brand new. What an awful, inconsiderate Bridezilla.

If she wants a say then she needs to pay. Weddings can cost a fortune as a bridesmaid, let's hope she doesn't think she can find ways of spending the money you have saved.

She is being a loon.
I had a 1940's wedding dress.
There is a thriving market in pre owned wedding stuff.
Buying something new to wear once is hardly green.

How mean she is! What does it matter how much you spent, as long as you look lovely. Well done you for finding a great dress on eBay! She's being a bridezilla.

I hired my wedding dress, so it was very definitely second hand.

I'd do a little lie - if it's OK - and say you have now found a really nice one online.

Tell her the dress was awful so you ordered the other one it was £150 she doesn't need to know!

YADNBU
Especially, as you won't wear it, if it looks crap.
Let us know how it turns out!
photo too, please, with the sandals!

I got my wedding dress from eBay! 😂❤️

It’s beautiful. I loved it!

I wouldn’t care if you turned up in your underwear if you were my bridesmaid. I think she’s fucking cuckoo!!!

I'd warn the groom-to-be that his fiancee is a spoilt, pointless brat. Assuming he doesn't already know.

Then either ram the dress down her throat (not really) or burn it in front of her. Tell her you'll see her again when she stops being such a self-involved little madam.

what a way to behave over a one-day frilly frock party. She's a fool.

BTW if it is this bad already, it will only get worse. You'll be expected to do endless slap and hairdo trials, go on a massive hen party and be there on the day from 6am to help her pull up her knickers. Run away!

Yanbu, wear the dress if you like it! I've been a bridesmaid too many times to count and have worn everything from a custom made dress to a dress I had in my wardrobe which happened to be the right colour. It should be about you sharing her day, not how much the bloody dress cost - especially if she isn't paying for it!

Such self centred selfish behaviour would really put me off continuing a friendship, she doesn't get a veto unless she's paying for the dress, is she by any chance one of those poor people I read about on here who spend money they don't have because for some reason they have to be seen to be spending?

You to her "I'm sorry then I'm going to have to withdraw being your bridesmaid then. Good luck with the wedding"

Done.

YANBU. If she’s not usually like this and is letting everything get to her I’d go with a little white lie and tell her it’s the £150 dress as a PP suggested.

If she’s a high maintenance arse wipe in general I’d tell her she can stick her wedding up her entitled arsehole and go on a lovely mini break with the £££ you’ll be saving on hen do attendance.

She’s acting like an entitled bit**ch. If she isn’t paying she gets ZERO say.

I bought my wedding dress second hand off ebay. I lent my friend one of my own personal dresses to save her having to buy something. My bridesmaid dress was 45 new. Tell her to go fuck herself really. Sad , all this money for weddings and self indulgent hen dos 👀

YANBU. You're paying, you're choice. You're respecting her colour scheme so what's it to her?
My actual wedding dress was second hand. Zero fucks given. It's only a dress and only worn for a few hours.

She’s a knob. She should be paying for your dress anyway really.

She doesn’t sound very nice. And if she’s cheap enough not to pay for your dress herself she is in no position to dictate how much is spent on it.

I’d drop out altogether if I were you.

Your friend sucks!!!!

'It's a shame you feel like that. I don't mind buying my own dress, even though it's normally the bride and groom that pay for these things, but if you're offended by me getting a lovely dress for a bargain rather than spending hundreds of pounds on an outfit I won't wear again, then I'll understand if you don't want me to be a bridesmaid'.

That's what I'd say anyway. Complete bridezilla.

Youve got the wrong friends, I'd be impressed and congratulating you!! also a vote for telling her it's a different one if she hasn't seen it yet

Good work! My sister wore a second hand dress from eBay for my wedding and I wore a second hand one worth 4000 AUD that I bought for 100!