To be alone in thinking pregnancy is a horrible experience?

[WhoToTell]

Currently 16 weeks pregnant and am hating every moment of it.

I am so tired of throwing up all the time (from around 5 weeks), the constant headaches and blocked sinus, and the absolute exhaustion. Works a struggle most days because I feel so unwell and its just not easing off like my doctor said it would. I'm so worried I will end up back in hospital on a drip.

Everyone around me keeps going on about the joys of pregnancy, how it's so exciting (just after they hear my throwing up in the work bathrooms).

I feel like such a failure already and am already a bad mum. I struggle to eat anything healthy and just keep crying today.

Poor you

It's the luck of the draw. Just like teenage ir any stage of life really, for some people it sucks and others have a ball, for most it's a mixed bag!

Can you feel it kicking yet? That might make it feel more real.

I'd say right now, you need to stop comparing yourself to others and stop feeling guilty about being a 'bad mum'. Both during pregnancy and when the baby comes. Look after yourself and weather the course.

Do you have much support? Any pregnancy groups? They can be a big hello in processing the experience and dealing with the shitty bits.

OP it'll get better but it's not all sunshine and rainbows.
The start and the very end was bad for me.

I had morning sickness until 20 weeks then loved it until about 30 weeks, where I had to start getting up 5 times a night for a wee and had a constant elbow in my ribs.

Tell work your scans/midwife appointments are at 3pm and that you need to leave at 1:30pm/2pm. That's why I did. There have to be some perks, surely?

I definitely felt like this in my first pregnancy. And I mean, I haven't loved pregnancy ever. Not with my second, not (still in first trimester) with my third.

But I have loved my children. Adored them, truly. I would like more even after this pregnancy is finished.

I had your symptoms to a tee, including the blocked sinuses. I later realized the best way to deal was to spend a good half hour of the morning in a steamy shower blowing out my nose onto the shower floor (classy! very earth goddess, no?).

Pregnancy's the pits. If I could materialize my babies before me without any of it, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Don't let the experience of the few women who LOVE being pregnant (and tell you a million times how much they love it!) fool you...most women are just getting by.

I hated being pregnant and I didn't even have any sickness etc. I didn't find it exciting or spiritual and I didn't feel much of a bond with the baby either. I can see how it'd be even worse for you with the exhaustion and sickness. Look after yourself.

I was fine btw after my 1st was born and enjoyed motherhood. I had quite bad depression after my 2nd and needed help with it but I don't think that was anything to do with the pregnancy.

I had a relatively easy pregnancy and I still hated every single moment of it. You're not a failure or a bad mum at all. For some people, it's an ordeal they have to get through. And I hate to sound like a cliche but my DS was worth every single shitty minute.

I feel for you. My pregnancy was horrific - I had HG, crippling PGP, gestational diabetes and a blood clot on my lung. I was so desperately uncomfortable every day, could hardly sleep, my mobility was shit. I was in and out of hospital. I felt like all I did was complain, cry, and vomit for 9 months, despite being super happy to be pregnant. I absolutely swore I would never, ever do it again... And now DS is 6 months old, and I'm thinking 'hmmm... Maybe'.

I hope that goes some way to reassure you that it is totally worth it, it is awful but it's finite. Do what you need to do to get through the next few months - accept all the help you can get and take it as easy as you can. Congratulations

Op, I feel for you. I didn’t like being pregnant either. I was lucky in that I wasn’t sick at all but I felt tired and not myself. In the later stages I felt ugly and clumsy all the time. I couldn’t run for a bus, couldn’t dance, nothing fit well, I felt like a blob and I’d never revert to normal. Nothing tasted right.

My ds is the best, but I never understood how pregnancy is supposed to be fun. Maybe some people like the fuss, but it wasn’t my thing.
It’ll pass. And congratulations.

Yes I hated it so much I only did it once.

Yeah I hated being pregnant. I cried for the whole first and last trimester.

I also cried for the first 4 weeks after DS was born. But then it calmed down for 14 months. Then I cried for about a month when I stopped breastfeeding.

I guess the hormones affect people in different ways. I don't think it has too much bearing on your parenting skills though.

I was in hospital for a total of 54 days whilst pregnant. On literal bedrest for the last 12 weeks..... only allowed to get up to go to the toilet.
The rest of the time I felt crap and exhausted.
Nope you are not alone.

It is the luck of the draw completely. I've just had my third baby and whilst I've never been a fan of being pregnant, this recent one was awful. I had morning sickness, chest and sinus infections throughout, heartburn, insomnia etc etc etc. And those symptoms were all way better than what some women get but I hated it.

My second pregnancy, on the other hand, was a breeze. I wouldn't even have known I was Percy if it wasn't for the bump and even the labour was lovely. Hardest baby in the world though, so I got my payback!

It's hard but you have to just keep remembering that in the span of your lifetime it's all very short lived and most symptoms go away quickly. I was honestly plagued by sinus problem throughout the whole of my pregnancy this time and it was agony and miserable, I was going through boxes of tissues a day and felt horrible. About a week after she was born the symptoms vanished.

In my first pregnancy I felt bad that I wasn’t enjoying it; reading the unmumsy mum chapter on pregnancy really made me feel better about it. I’m now in my second pregnancy and I feel that the having a baby part is amazing and so are the movements (apart from the painful ones) but apart from that a lot of it has been a bit miserable for me. Some people genuinely have lovely problem free pregnancies and good for them but sadly I’m not one of them

Also Don’t let how you feel now effect how you view yourself as a mum.

Oh sweetie! I feel you, this is my 5th pregnancy and hopefully 3rd baby and I can tell you I hated my pregnancies so much, my DD2 pregnancy was easiest but still had preterm labour hypertension and preeclampsia, but she was a horrid baby haha, my DD1 I had preeclampsia from 32 weeks and horrid labour but she was an okay baby I guess just never slept. And this one has been severe morning sickness and severe Crohn’s flare heartburn and extreme fatigue and I’m only 14 weeks! I have cried on and off to my husband nearly daily and keep begging him to make me feel normal, poor guy doesn’t know what to do haha!

I hear you. Hated it. I woke up choking on my own vomit most nights, had pelvic pain bad enough I was pretty close to being housebound by the end. Had needles stuck in me constantly and was signed off work 10 weeks or so before DD arrived. I was also the size of a whale and gained 4 stone. Hence I have one DC and wouldn't dream of having another!

Both my pregnancies I threw up every few hours for the entire duration. It was horrid.
I had permanent nausea and get I had the worst travel sickness that would never end. It really was horrendous. No one understood, said I was being dramatic, but it really was 24/7. I couldn’t keep anything down even water (I was so skinny after both babies, not so much now!).
So you have my sympathies you really do.
I have no advice other than eat tiny amounts at a time, only dry food and drink only water. When baby arrives you won’t forget how bad the pregnancy was (that’s what people told me) but you’ll know it was well worth it I promise.
Hope it gets better soon x

All my pregnancies were really tough. The last one was horrendous. I barley survived it and luckily our last DC decided to come early, because I honestly don't know if I'd have made it through if I'd gone to term, let alone overdue. There's this idea that it's a beautiful amazing time, that pregnancy is natural and lovely, I know women for who it was, but I also know women who endured their pregnancies for the end result. My DC were worth it, but I couldn't do it again after my last experience. I hope yours improves.

Yeah, pregnancy sucks ass basically. I've never understood when women talk about enjoying it. You're definitely not alone and you're absolutely not a bad mum!

I remember being so shocked at how much I hated pregnancy with my first - people don't really talk about how crap it is. It does get better, with both my previous pregnancies I was fine from 20 weeks onwards and only hated it again right at the end.

I'm now pregnant with my third (14 weeks) and have hated first trimester so much. I actually put off trying for a baby for ages as I was dreading going through pregnancy again, but in the end my desire for another baby won out.

I've always seen pregnancy as a means to an end and that's what gets me through it but yep, its crap.

You're not alone. Mine was horrible. I tried for years, had a lot of miscarriages, and then even though I wanted my baby so much I absolutely hated being pregnant. I had so many complications. I was bed bound with SPD, got pre eclampsia, had pleurisy, got a uterine infection that turned into sepsis, had kidney problems, failed induction, emergency section, stomach muscles have split right down the middle. Never again. Oh and reflux woke me up every night choking on vomit. Such a magic time
However, it was worth all that, because my daughter is the best thing that ever happened.
I do still get inwardly furious when people tell me what a wonderful thing pregnancy is though.

OP sorry you feel this way, as others have said it's down to luck- nothing to do with being a failure.
Please go and see your doctor again, perhaos a different one, or speak to your midwife.
You may need your iron levels or other checks done.
The likelyhood is that things will ease in the next while.- could you have time off work on sick leave to give you a couple of weeks rest?

Thanks everyone, it's great to hear I'm not alone but that the end result is worth it.

@corduroyal unfortunately I don't have a heap of support. None of my friends have had kids yet and we have no family anywhere near by. The people at work who know have been lovely though.

WhoToTell

I am glad it helps to share.

Focussing on the end result is a good idea.
Remember even those women who have had really bad pregnancies will usually go on to do it again! So that shows that the end result must be pretty awesome.

I hated being pregnant.
The anxiety (ivf and previous losses), the sickness, the back pain.
I bled on and off though out (placenta praevia). I had a valsalva retinopathy after vomiting and nearly lost my vision in one eye.
Love being a Mummy and DS is absolutely worth it but no way would I ever do it again!

You’re definitely not alone. I have four DC and had two miscarriages. During my pregnancies with boys I just felt sick all day long from the word go and nothing made me feel better at all. It was utterly exhausting and lasted until around 20 weeks, I also felt knackered all of the time and would be asleep by 9pm most nights and would fall asleep on the sofa when I got home from work. I vomited all day with DS1 too which was hideous, could barely keep food down.

It feels like a hangover mixed with a sickness bug but for days on end. Then you get further along and you’re just constantly uncomfortable and need to pee all through the night. It’s not a pleasant experience at all but it is worthwhile in the end.

I had relatively easy pregnancies (no morning sickness) but hated being pregnant, I was so exhausted the whole time and struggled with low blood pressure and being dizzy the whole time. Labour was such a relief, I knew that meant things were going to start getting better.