Leaving DS home alone

[ThisIsNotADrillLangCleg]

My DS 8 was off school sick today. He was fine last night but didn't sleep well and woke up with a sore throat and a temperature. Tonsils were swollen as well so I kept him off school. I literally had no milk or bread in the house at all and needed to go to the shop. I asked DS to come with me but he wanted to stay in bed.

He'd had paracetamol and his temp was under control. He was tucked up in my bed watching TV. I set up the I pad and face timed him from my phone downstairs, then spoke to him the whole time I was gone. He was happy and confident. He promised not to get out of bed. I could see him, he could see me and was happily chatting to me/laughing at Scooby Doo. I was gone 11 minutes.

This is ok isn't it? DH thinks I should just have waited for him to get home from work at 6.30pm. I've never left DS before but felt in these circumstances it was acceptable. Is it really that selfish to want a cup of tea? AIBU?

11 minutes! Jings I thought you were going to say the whole day!
Does no one ever leave their kids in the garden & go in for the toilet?

Does no one ever leave their kids in the garden & go in for the toilet?

Surely you can see there's a huge difference between leaving the room a child is in to go to the bathroom and actually leaving the house to go to the shops?

I get it was only a short while. He seems very young to leave alone in the house, and he was unwell, so I'm with your DH. Maybe age late 9- 10 I would, but not at that age. At age 10-11 secondary school it becomes fine for up to couple hours alone, as they suddenly start to mature once at secondary.

However it's your call, you're his parent and some children mature quicker and can be perfectly sensible.

You’re his parent and perfectly entitled to make these decisions without clearing it with your DH. He may not agree, but he wasn’t the one there.

I did with one of mine. The situation hasn't cropped up with the other.

Do any of you let them play out?

Do any of you let them play out

No. My dd is 9...we live on an ordinary street in London. Play out where? On the pavement? Who with?...no other children are out playing on the pavement. I don't live in an episode of Call the Midwife.

I've done it with my 8yo and think it's fine for short bursts - sometimes when I have to leave to get my eldest to a club, my dh will text to say he is leaving work and to go if he isn't back (when we usually leave) - DS8 will stay at home and wait for his dad to get home; we often pass him on our way and DS loves feeling 'grown up'. He is sensible though. My DD10 now has her own key and on the days I work, she walks home after school or club with friends, lets herself in then calls me. She's only home alone for an hour or two but enjoys the peace!

I think 10 mins for and an 8 year is fine. You can build up gradually so that there are able to stay longer after school when 11.

I have done this, my now almost 10 year old has been left for up to an hour and he’s absolutely fine with that. I was too at that age, again absolutely fine. Nothing is going to happen to a sick child stuck in bed.

I've done this, I'm not sure what people are afraid will happen

It’s totally irrelevant that he was happy to be left. You shouldn’t have left and 8 year old unsupervised.

I personally wouldn't and would be very annoyed if my dh did it. I find the facetime thing really weird too, whether you were walking or driving to the shop, that sounds very distracting so surely increased your chances of an accident

Hopefully you and dh can come to a compromise that you can both agree with in the future.

I think that's fine. I have to leave DC2 (8) every single morning alone for half an hour (DC1 is disabled and needs to be taken to the bus as she get there in her own alone). 11 mins is fine.

Nothing is going to happen to a sick child stuck in bed

Fire
Power cut
Gas leak
Someone banging on front door
Mum not coming home ie accident

Unlikely and I'm not outraged by the op leaving her eight year old but let's not pretend it's completely risk free.

Just to be really clear (I work on a team that includes child protection) there is NO AGE in the UK that says it's OK... it is all about what YOU consider REASONABLE...

In your situation, I would (as a law enforcement officer ) consider your situation more than ok. Unless there were other issues that would make this not..for example

A person with parental control who could pop round and demand he leave the house.

You are subject to a 'Child in need ' plan that requires you to be present at all times to protect your child. ...

If BBC none of these apply you have done nothing wrong... tell your DH to either take time off himself or piss off !

Perfectly fine. If your DH has such a problem with it he can stay home with DS next time. Make sure there's no bread or milk in the house and see how he would like to wait all day!

Yanbu, there's no minimum age limit for leaving a child on their own for 10 or so minutes however you are responsible for anything that happens obvs. We started leaving our daughter at 10 yrs. You know your own child and his stage of maturity.

Fire
Power cut
Gas leak
Someone banging on front door
Mum not coming home ie accident

all this catastrophising. how do people live with this way of thinking

@hydeandrun

I said those things were unlikely..i was responding to a pp who seemed to think absolutely nothing could possibly happen.

Anyway, if those things I mentioned are apparently never going to happen, why not leave a 4 year old home alone?

I would have done it!!.... I would have told my husband you had to and made sure you called him when you got home.... if you were that worried...
stop fretting!

Tell your dh to get a grip.
10 minutes ffs!
He would blow a gasket living in rural areas where kids play out and go to the park with friends, pop to the shop at that age!

Tell him.next time to take leave from his own job to look after his kid and you will care for your kid as you see fit when he isnt there. He isnt your boss!

He isnt your boss!

But he is the child's father.

I used to pop over to the coop opposite my house when dd was around 8. She is 21 now so survived clearly.

Didn't think twice about doing it to be honest.