About DD's school lunch?

[VinceNoirsHair]

Just interested in others's opinions and what they would do in these circumstances.

My daughter is 12 and a vegetarian. For context, nobody else in the family is but DD feels very strongly about about animals and any kind of mistreatment of them and has been vegetarian for the last year.

Apparently at lunch today at school, she's asked for a vegetarian wrap and they've given her one containing pork instead. She hasn't realised until she's taken a bit out of it and discovered it contained meat. She went back to the snack bar and they gave her the vegetarian one which she didn't have to pay for but she then said one of the dinner ladies told her colleague and they laughed about it.

So my dilemma is this. I understand it was a mistake. I'm not that parent who goes marching into school at every perceived slight and neither will I be doing my best 'sad face' for the Daily Mail. But she's really upset about it and it's pissed me off a bit that the dinner ladies were laughing about it. Should I complain to the school or not?

Problem is perhaps they were laughing at the dinner lady being daft enough to give wrong wrap. We just dont know. I think your daughter was assertive and leave it at that

The fact that they laughed at it did not reflect the nature of the mistake.

Which is concerning given the ‘what if’s’.

And eating a bit would have been horrible for her.

She wasn’t being treated with respect.

Not sure if I would complain though.

God people tie themselves in knots on.here to discredit school kids.

Dd had her wrap changed and one dl told the other and they laughed about it. What's to misunderstand?

They should not have laughed they should have apologised and use it as a lesson to double check next time. No need for anything else.

How many people on here would actually like being laughed about?
Doesn't matter if its religious or allergy or vegetarianism related its not professional to laugh about giving someone the wrong lunch whatever thier reasons for eating it.

I think the majority are right and I won't be complaining. But I will probably tell DD to mention it to someone to try and prevent any future and perhaps more serious mistakes.

Thank you to everyone who replied. It's interesting to see the different perspectives.

I don’t understand how they gave her the meat one on accident, I am a teacher and have been in many schools. Ever single one has to prepare veggie and vegan meals separately and even in most schools veggie and vegan meals are put on different coloured plates due to allergies and religious reasons. I would complain, at the very least the schools need to put something in place to make sure it can’t come in contact, as this does make me wonder how they make sure cross-contamination doesn’t happen. Also I know this isn’t the case in this situation but just to let you know ethical vegans are now a protected group same as how religious groups are for certain foods.

I'd mention it so that it doesn't happen again. They'll also know they got caught out laughing about it. I have no worries about people thinking I am "that parent" doesn't worry me at all.

I'd be really annoyed if this happened to me, obviously it's much harder for DD to complain herself than for an adult to do so on her behalf. If this happened to me in a cafe I'd feel confident complaining because I would consider myself equal to the person serving me, in the DD's case there is clearly a power dynamic so it's not the same thing.

I’ve had similar experiences OP. For some reason some meat eaters think it’s hilarious when vegetarians are accidentally given meat and eat it. I stopped frequenting a local pizza place after they put meat on my vegetarian pizza and then fell about laughing when I complained. I think it was an accident, but their response was belittling and mocking of me and my worldview and so I voted with my feet. It wasn’t the meat per se, it was their reaction to it and to my discomfort that made me walk.

polite note to school: to whom it may concern
I appreciate mistakes can happen but my dd requested a vegetarian wrap today & was given a pork one instead.
As you can imagine such a mistake might have had severe repercussions if the incorrect food was given to someone who had either an allergy or religious reasons for avoiding a food group.

Maybe instead of saying the staff laughed at her, she could say that she felt they didn't seem particularly concerned by their mistake or apologetic. She felt they were amused by the situation instead. They can't argue with her impression of the situation as that's personal to her.

Years ago and about 6 years vegetarian I was given a meat lasagne instead of my veggie one, at a restaurant I'd eaten in regularly for so long the waitress would bring over our drinks order and just confirm if we were making any changes to our order. When I'd taken a mouthful of mince (and spat it discretely into a tissue) I called her over and asked if I could have my meat-free lasagne. I didn't make a fuss, but she was horrified and got the manager over. All we received was genuine apology from people who seemed to care very much that I'd accidentally eaten meat, and were very relieved that I was okay about it all.

That's how to act when you screw up, sort the problem out and be apologetic. Not go back to having a giggle straight away while the person is still there - even about something else entirely. Even if they weren't laughing at her they also we not being particularly contrite for their mistake.

@mumwon that's a good idea and the wording is perfect, thank you.

@YetAnotherSpartacus that is absolutely appalling and they don't deserve your business.

Maybe they were laughing in a ‘what and utter plank i am’ kind of way. I wouldn’t see anything else humorous about the situation.

@BottleOfJameson yes, that sort of how I feel about it but I realise I can be a bit overprotective of DD due to other (health) issues.

Basically I think these women need to be told that they have to be careful (& told off!) people are vegetarian for arrange of reasons & they are being paid & front facing in a public sector ie a school. Please note - I didn't suggest accusing them of laughing - I suggest that they need to be informed that this is something that has to be taken seriously.

I’d email the school, just a short note to say what happened. Highlight the devastating consequence this could have for a child with an allergy but also the upset caused to your daughter as a vegetarian. Also include that your daughter overheard one dinner lady tell another and that they laughed. The dinner ladies should be helping kids with any issues at lunch time, not adding to them.

Mistakes happen but they need to be more careful. The dinner ladies that laughed sound like a pair of thick, ignorant nasty bitches.

Laughing about a wrap or choice to eat vegetarian sounds very very unlikely.

As a CoG, I would expect the HT to take this seriously. Whether it be choice or a food allergy, it is important that she is given the correct food. The vast majority of our pupils are Muslim (98%),we would dream of serving meat that was not Halal, your daughter has the right to equal respect for her life choices.

In our LA we have had a pupil die from food allergies, so getting the correct meal is really important to all our school staff.

Nah. Easy mistake to make. Don’t create over it.

I think your dd did really well to have the confidence to point out the mistake. The kitchen rectified it and didn't charge her extra for the 2nd meal as it was their mistake. I don't think it's anything for her to worry about now.

It might be worth politely emailing the school and pointing out that a similar mistake with a child with food allergies could have really severe consequences.

I think that it's very unlikely that they were laughing at your dd. More likely that they were laughing at themselves in a self-deprecating way or that they were in the middle of a light hearted conversation and the laughter related to that.

They wouldn’t have been laughing had your DD been Hindu or had an allergy - so yes do complain to the school and ask them to provide you with their allergies policy.

She behaved brilliantly.

Could she bring it up with student council? She would then perhaps feel empowered if she pointed out other considerations such as children with epi - pens being given something they are allergic to and its consequences, Muslim, those that are vegetarians for religious reasons etc
My DD was vegetarian and had problems with the school not making enough vegetarian options and finding that there wasn't anything left sometimes because some kids fancied the veggie option. Not a problem but then to go all day without a meal wasn't good. She is vegan now.

Too right I would complain!

"If you are laughing at my choice to be a vegetarian, that is not appropriate," I know not one 10 year old who would say this to two adults

I've been a vegetarian for 45+ years. I'm sorry your Dd is upset about the incident, and I understand why she is. But over the years I've found that mistakes do happen, people mislabel food, or they don't understand what vegetarianism is (so will use non veg cheese for example thinking it is OK).

One mistake doesn't undermine or undo her efforts of the last year to have a meat free diet, you have to just put it behind you and move on.
She'll also encounter people who are rude about vegetarianism or make fun of her for it. Best to ignore them and stick to what you believe in. The dinner ladies were rude if they laughed at her, but rude people shouldn't make her feel bad, She did very well to take the wrap back and get a replacement - lots of kids would find that hard - she stuck up for herself and was polite. If they were rude in return that is their problem not hers.

She sounds like a great girl - I'm sure you are very proud of her for having thought about something deeply and made a lifestyle choice because of her beliefs,

People often laugh when they or others make a mistake - to make it seem better. I suspect that the dinner lady was laughing at herself, rather than at your DD, and your DD has been a little over sensitive and misinterpreted it.