About DD's school lunch?

[VinceNoirsHair]

Just interested in others's opinions and what they would do in these circumstances.

My daughter is 12 and a vegetarian. For context, nobody else in the family is but DD feels very strongly about about animals and any kind of mistreatment of them and has been vegetarian for the last year.

Apparently at lunch today at school, she's asked for a vegetarian wrap and they've given her one containing pork instead. She hasn't realised until she's taken a bit out of it and discovered it contained meat. She went back to the snack bar and they gave her the vegetarian one which she didn't have to pay for but she then said one of the dinner ladies told her colleague and they laughed about it.

So my dilemma is this. I understand it was a mistake. I'm not that parent who goes marching into school at every perceived slight and neither will I be doing my best 'sad face' for the Daily Mail. But she's really upset about it and it's pissed me off a bit that the dinner ladies were laughing about it. Should I complain to the school or not?

[TheGoblinQueenoftheLabyrinth]

I've been a vegetarian since I was 9 (very much my own decision), and I remember being laughed at by adults. Usually because they assumed it was a phase. Based on my own experience I do think that the dinner ladies probably laughed tbh. I haven't encountered that since being an adult. I think that it's just a fact of being a young person with strong convictions and it will pass.

The bigger issue here is that it speaks to quite poor quality control/diligence. I'd be concerned that they could potentially make the same mistake with an allergy sufferer with more serious consequences.

[GhoulWithADragonTattoo]

I think DD did exactly the right by getting it resolved immediately. If you want to complain about her being given the wrong wrap I would do so. Clearly this would have been worse if the wrong sandwich had been given to someone who doesn't eat pork for religious reasons or someone with an allergy. I would ask them when steps they have to avoid the wrong wrap being given.

The laughing I would not mention. It may have been embarassed laughter or just a complete coincidence that they laughed at that point. I think it also distracts from your main complaint about the wrong wrap.

[Butterymuffin]

mumwon has suggested a very good response. I would use that. As pp have said, it's potentially very serious and they're doing a crap job if they dismiss that. And I also don't care about being 'that mum'. Why would I ever care more about what some virtual strangers think of me than about my child being unkindly treated?

[TimeForPlentyIn2020]

I don't know many 10 year olds who would be confident enough to do this in the right way, without being rude or getting upset

Nor many adults

[Mucky1]

They should have been deeply apologetic to her. Just because she's a child it doesn't make her beliefs any less or her feelings any less hurt! I would complain but make sure to let them know it would have been enough for a proper apology given at the time.

[VenusTiger]

@VioletCharlotte she's 12 so at secondary school. I agree though - she would just deny it.

[AdoptedBumpkin]

If they were laughing about this then that is bad. Respect to your daughter.

[VenusTiger]

Pointless imo as the lunchtime supervisor will just deny it, and you'll inevitably end up being labelled as that mom. Also, your DD may have to deal with the fallout. Teach your DD how to deal with this - it happens all over - work, siblings, friends..... just shrug it off OP and teach DD to do the same.

[karencantobe]

If you were my sister you should storm up to the school, demand to see the Head, and shout at the Head about how the dinner ladies tried to poison your DC. You should then go around telling everyone that the school tried to poison your child. This actually happened when the same happened to my niece.

@OneHanded There are usually strict measures in place for those children with an allergy. Schools generally are very aware of this.

[Walkerbean16]

My Dd is veggie (her choice) dinner options were pepperoni pizza or margarita. By her time the margaritas had run out so they gave her a pepperoni and told her to pick the pepperoni off! So she didn't eat!

Quite often they have no veggie option at all, just meat or fish, she takes pack ups now.

I'd be pissed off about the laughing.

[OneHanded]

My mum has a pork allergy and would have spent the day throwing up. It’s also awful example, making fun of someone and they’re the adults here. My parents were ‘those parents’ when I broke my wrist, requiring immediate operating, and the dinner lady gave me a wet paper towel, told me to shut up making so much fuss and it would be fine. Thank for another member of staff suggested calling mum to pick me up as I was in hysterics intermittently. Funnily enough all accidents were handled properly after that...

[VioletCharlotte]

I'm a vegetarian and this would upset me, but I'm not sure if there's really much you can do. There's little point in you saying anything as they'll deny it. In an ideal world, your daughter would have challenged them at the time, but I don't know many 10 year olds who would be confident enough to do this in the right way, without being rude or getting upset. I'd probably talk to her about what she could have said to help her build her confidence to speak up if she faces a similar situation in the future.

[TimeForPlentyIn2020]

People often laugh when they or others make a mistake - to make it seem better. I suspect that the dinner lady was laughing at herself, rather than at your DD, and your DD has been a little over sensitive and misinterpreted it.

[KurriKurri]

I've been a vegetarian for 45+ years. I'm sorry your Dd is upset about the incident, and I understand why she is. But over the years I've found that mistakes do happen, people mislabel food, or they don't understand what vegetarianism is (so will use non veg cheese for example thinking it is OK).

One mistake doesn't undermine or undo her efforts of the last year to have a meat free diet, you have to just put it behind you and move on.
She'll also encounter people who are rude about vegetarianism or make fun of her for it. Best to ignore them and stick to what you believe in. The dinner ladies were rude if they laughed at her, but rude people shouldn't make her feel bad, She did very well to take the wrap back and get a replacement - lots of kids would find that hard - she stuck up for herself and was polite. If they were rude in return that is their problem not hers.

She sounds like a great girl - I'm sure you are very proud of her for having thought about something deeply and made a lifestyle choice because of her beliefs,

[damnthatanxiety]

"If you are laughing at my choice to be a vegetarian, that is not appropriate," I know not one 10 year old who would say this to two adults

[BlimeyCalmDown]

Too right I would complain!

[Bowerbird5]

She behaved brilliantly.

Could she bring it up with student council? She would then perhaps feel empowered if she pointed out other considerations such as children with epi - pens being given something they are allergic to and its consequences, Muslim, those that are vegetarians for religious reasons etc
My DD was vegetarian and had problems with the school not making enough vegetarian options and finding that there wasn't anything left sometimes because some kids fancied the veggie option. Not a problem but then to go all day without a meal wasn't good. She is vegan now.

[GrumpyHoonMain]

They wouldn’t have been laughing had your DD been Hindu or had an allergy - so yes do complain to the school and ask them to provide you with their allergies policy.

[1066vegan]

I think your dd did really well to have the confidence to point out the mistake. The kitchen rectified it and didn't charge her extra for the 2nd meal as it was their mistake. I don't think it's anything for her to worry about now.


It might be worth politely emailing the school and pointing out that a similar mistake with a child with food allergies could have really severe consequences.


I think that it's very unlikely that they were laughing at your dd. More likely that they were laughing at themselves in a self-deprecating way or that they were in the middle of a light hearted conversation and the laughter related to that.

[pictish]

Nah. Easy mistake to make. Don’t create over it.

[LatteLady]

As a CoG, I would expect the HT to take this seriously. Whether it be choice or a food allergy, it is important that she is given the correct food. The vast majority of our pupils are Muslim (98%),we would dream of serving meat that was not Halal, your daughter has the right to equal respect for her life choices.

In our LA we have had a pupil die from food allergies, so getting the correct meal is really important to all our school staff.

[lljkk]

Laughing about a wrap or choice to eat vegetarian sounds very very unlikely.

[ChickLitLover]

I’d email the school, just a short note to say what happened. Highlight the devastating consequence this could have for a child with an allergy but also the upset caused to your daughter as a vegetarian. Also include that your daughter overheard one dinner lady tell another and that they laughed. The dinner ladies should be helping kids with any issues at lunch time, not adding to them.

Mistakes happen but they need to be more careful. The dinner ladies that laughed sound like a pair of thick, ignorant nasty bitches.

[mumwon]

Basically I think these women need to be told that they have to be careful (& told off!) people are vegetarian for arrange of reasons & they are being paid & front facing in a public sector ie a school. Please note - I didn't suggest accusing them of laughing - I suggest that they need to be informed that this is something that has to be taken seriously.

[VinceNoirsHair]

@BottleOfJameson yes, that sort of how I feel about it but I realise I can be a bit overprotective of DD due to other (health) issues.