Re dd and new baby?

[bedtimeisreal]

I'm pretty sure I'm not but this has been niggling at me.

I'm a recently single mum to two little girls aged 4.5yo and 5 weeks.
This has been a lot of change for dd1 and I'm very keen to make sure she doesn't feel ignored or pushed out because of the new baby.

As part of this I've been letting her choose a lot of the things I've bought (with a lot of guidance and limited options obviously ) for the baby and I let her pick out her sister's outfit everyday which she loves.

This came up in a conversation with my sister today and she was quite horrible about it. The gist of it was that she thinks I'm spoiling dd1 and treating dd2 like a doll.

I don't think this is fair. Dd1 is pretty laid back and sensible as far as 4yo's go and will (with guidance) pick out weather appropriate clothes and is happy to pick something else without a fuss if I say no to anything.
She is well aware that her sister isn't a dolly.

So aibu or is my sister?

Your sister is, it sounds like a great idea letting your older DD be involved and will hopefully help them to have a great bond. Your sister should be being more helpful

I really don’t see the problem with this. A good way to help your older child feel involved and like a big girl. YANBU.

Your sister is being ridiculous, I think its a lovely idea.

I think it's a really nice way of involving dd1, as long as as you say she takes no for an answer and listens to you. Sounds like shes forming a lovely bond with dd2.

Ignore your sister!

Oh for goodness sake!!! Surely if you choose an outfit you're treating the child as a doll also? NOT!

You're fine, DD1 is fine, DD2 is fine, it's all fine!

Enjoy this previous time and ignore sister!

Precious not previous 🙄

What’s your sister’s problem? You and DD do whatever works for you. No child ever got spoiled by helping choose their siblings clothes ffs. Is she always so supportive?

I let my ten year old DSD pick her baby sister’s clothes when she’s here, DD couldn’t give a toss as long as she’s warm enough and it’s a lovely bonding exercise. Turns out spots sometimes do go with stripes AND bows AND florals

Your sister is BVVU and quite unpleasant to boot. Ignore her.

Why on earth is she picking a totally unnecessary fight with you at a time like this? Does she think you haven't enough going on in your life?

You sound as if you're managing brilliantly.

I had a similar age gap and letting DS1 choose the caring jobs he enjoyed for his brother worked incredibly well.

By 4 weeks only DS1’s singing would calm the baby, it was bloody infuriating but also lovely. They still love each other 4 years on....

I think it's an excellent bonding exercise for the children and also a brilliant way of keeping dd1 involved.

You're doing a brilliant job, your sister is being unreasonable.

Your sister is. The baby is hardly going to choose her own clothes, someone has to do it for her and it’s a great to get her sister involved. It will make DD1 feel that she is looking after her sister and she will proud because of this.

With that logic there are a whole lot of parents out there treating their babies like dolls when choosing their outfits every day...

I wish I'd done that with mine. I felt awful even asking one to pass a nappy. I'm sure that's not why mine aren't close but I love hearing the lovely stories here.

Your sister is an idiot.

Thanks for all the kind replies
I wasn't expecting universal agreement but it's a relief. I was getting a little bit paranoid about as I'm really worried treating them fairly and making sure I split my time attention between them fairly now I'm outnumbered.

Sis has form for being a bit opinionated, the topic came up as she mentioned that dd2's outfit was 'a bit odd' today, and is terminally sensible - I'm pretty sure the display of grey onesies you get in every baby section were put there entirely for her.

Your sister is being a twit.

Your sister’s a nincompoop. I think she’s jealous of you somehow.
You sound like a fantastic mother.

Was literally just talking about this with DP about potential future DC2. Choosing outfits and bringing toys/nappies/blankets gets them involved and makes them feel important and helpful, no?

my dd use to help washing her bs hair & all sorts of things I use to one handed do puzzles & read books to older dc whilst bf - it took some organising but worth it -you sort out 2 drinks mine & dd (& biscuits or fruit) puzzles & a variety of books & cards & games - she would choose - involving dd in her sister is brilliant idea op -ignore your silly sister - it never ceases to amaze me how many people seem to think its their role to educate others & that there is only one way to do things - your instinct is right :)

did you Sister want to choose the baby clothes perhaps ?

I'd get some different colour dylon, some white tshirts for you and DD and plain white baby grows and help her make some matching tie dye garments and wear them next time Dsis is round.

Some fabric pens and cheap fruit of the loom tshirts or vests for Dd and vests for baby would also be a nice activity for you to do together. Children love designing their own clothes and if you are bothered about them going out in them then vests are great as no one sees them.

I think it's a lovely way of getting her involved.

I think it sounds like a great idea, and you say DD1 loves it, which is the main thing. Enjoy it, it sounds like you have enough on your plate without having to listen to her odd remarks.

I totally treated my kids like a dolly until old enough to refuse. So many cute outfits put there! I guess I am spoiled too. And totally missing the point

@HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime Those are great ideas. Dd would love that. I'll maybe ask her to make some for her aunt and uncle while we're at it (my brother would genuinely love one tho )

i think you're doing just fine and you ought to trust your own instinct as a mum. You know what is best for your own children.
i think it sounds lovely.