Re dd and new baby?

[bedtimeisreal]

I'm pretty sure I'm not but this has been niggling at me.

I'm a recently single mum to two little girls aged 4.5yo and 5 weeks.
This has been a lot of change for dd1 and I'm very keen to make sure she doesn't feel ignored or pushed out because of the new baby.

As part of this I've been letting her choose a lot of the things I've bought (with a lot of guidance and limited options obviously ) for the baby and I let her pick out her sister's outfit everyday which she loves.

This came up in a conversation with my sister today and she was quite horrible about it. The gist of it was that she thinks I'm spoiling dd1 and treating dd2 like a doll.

I don't think this is fair. Dd1 is pretty laid back and sensible as far as 4yo's go and will (with guidance) pick out weather appropriate clothes and is happy to pick something else without a fuss if I say no to anything.
She is well aware that her sister isn't a dolly.

So aibu or is my sister?

Your sister sounds ridiculous.

Out of interest, is she the younger sister?

Something I used to do when DD2 was a baby and DD1 was 2 1/2, was to talk to DD2 about how great her big sister was/how helpful she was etc when DD1 was in earshot. DD2 had no idea what I was saying but was being spoken to and interacted with and DD1 understood what I was saying so also got positive attention when I couldn't give it to her directly. It may even have been on MN that I read about doing this. I think it really helped DD1 to feel included.

Tell your sister to piss off. Similar age between my two youngest and the older one loved being involved. She even has little photo of the baby and her that I laminated so she could look at it in school incase she was wondering what we was doing.

She can be a bit of pain some sometimes as she likes to be a mother hen but they genuinely really do care about each other now and it’s lovely to see them cuddling.

I'd ignore her, she's full of shit.

It sounds like you're doing a cracking job, OP. Enjoy these gorgeous, magical days with your two little girls.

Lovely thing to do for your older daughter

I think it’s a lovely thing to do

no, your sister is being daft. you sound like your doing a great job!

I have a 4 year age gap and I used to encourage DD1 to choose DD2's outfit. She loved it and it made her feel really involved. There was the day she went hunting through the bags of baby clothes and wanted to dress 1 month old DD in a 6-12 month swimming costume and a pair of 12 month fluffy boots, and I did have to negotiate her down from that one, but other than that it was great.

The other thing that worked well was that I got a plain white babygrow and some fabric pens and let DD1 decorate "pyjamas" for DD2. She loved that and was so proud of them - we had a bit of a crisis when DD2 grew out of them!

The mental image of your DD coming up with outfit selections for her sister is making me smile so much! You sound like a great mum - what a lovely way for the three of you to share these precious early weeks.

Your DD1 isn't being spoilt she is being given responsibility. Lots of children - even ones you think are really immature - step up when they are given something responsible to do for a younger sibling or just a much younger child in general.

Your sister is weird.

You sound like an amazing mum, don't let anyone make you doubt it. You've always put a lot of thought into how to make sure DD1 doesn't feel left out. Just wow!

This is such a good way to help her get into the role of big sister.

If putting clothes on the baby is treating her like a dolly, what acceptable alternative does your sister suggest - a naked baby? In this weather?! Or perhaps she feels baby needs a uniform of some sort - a set of orange jumpsuits, perhaps?

It’s a lovely idea OP, your sister is bonkers.

Your sister is definitely the odd one! You sound like you are doing a great job of including your eldest! My eldest loves doing things like this for her sister, when her sister was tiny she used to love cleaning up her milk sick, no idea why but it was very sweet and the help appreciated especially when it was all over me and the baby!!