To be fed up with life in general

[Goawayimfedup]

Name changed for this..
Im very recently a single mum to a 2 year old and 25 weeks pregnant with my second. Same dad for both.. we split up about two months ago because I felt that he felt he was more important than us, his needs always came first, it was always a struggle to pay our rent because he would spend the money on himself first etc you get the gist. My health has been slightly deteriorating since before we split up and this is part of the reason, I have a csf leak (leaking spinal fluid) which causes me awful migraines and pressure every day. He wouldn’t help with our toddler or around the house. He does work full time but when he got home it would be straight to laying on the sofa or straight to the pub. Either way no help.

Anyway on to my proper post - I wasn’t working before I got pregnant as my toddler wasn’t in nursery yet and we weren’t eligible for child care/couldn’t afford it/my wages wouldn’t even be enough. Now I am eligible for 15 hours as I’m single and claim universal credit so I have got her into a local nursery but still can’t find a job as she only goes for three hours a day. Also the fact that I’m visibly pregnant/supposed to be on bed rest with my illness.
I’ve stayed in our rented home which is one of the cheapest two beds around anyway but I still cannot afford the rent on full universal credit - I only receive £1479 a month and my rent is £1200. That leaves me with £279 spare. I’m on a debt plan which is £80 a month (I pay this with the £82 child benefit I receive) and I can’t come off it or I will have bailiffs at my door.. then I have to pay for food, my gas and electric is £65 a month my water is £25, internet £20 etc. Now my daughter is growing out of her clothes and shoes and I don’t know how I’m going to get her new ones. Right now I don’t get paid til the middle of feb and I already have nothing left. I have hardly any food in so I’m going to have to borrow money for that as it is.
Every week when my ex gets paid I ask if he can help me but it’s always “I can’t this week I have other things to pay” etc. I’m just feeling so fed up of having nothing already, it’s pure misery and I feel so heart broken thinking I can’t give my daughter even some things she needs. I can’t even afford to take her swimming anymore and it was only a fiver a time. We used to go every Monday. Every morning on the way to school she asks for swimming. I can’t spend my life borrowing money just so we can eat but what option do I have at the moment if I can’t work?

I would look into moving. If you can’t, you are going to be in further debt and be evicted as you can live on what you have left.

I really feel for you.

Sorry I don’t think there’s even anything to answer to my post I guess it was just a rant. Sometimes I feel like what’s the point in me even being alive but I have to just get on with it

*can’t live (bloody autocorrect).

Rant away. You’ve found yourself in a shitty set of circumstances. X

@Ahomenotahouse but move to where? Unless I move into a one bedroom place and share a room with two kids but then my housing benefit would be cut down anyway.
I’m on the housing register but number 1000 and something

He needs to pay child support for his DD - is he giving you no money at all? Can you apply to the CSA? Do you get on with his mum? Does she know he is leaving his child short of funds for swimming/food?!

I don’t really know how HB works. I thought that they only paid about £400 a month (think that’s what it is around my way). I wonder if there is are any services you could refer to for help or advice?

@FauxFox he’s not giving me anything apart from a tenner here and there. I have spoken to CSA who say they can apply to have it from his wages but he can reject it as soon as he gets the letter. I have applied anyway but not expecting much and if an agreement is made it can take up to two months for any money I think

I'm sorry things are so tough for you. Have you tried Citizen's Advice Bureau to see what benefits you can claim and also how to legally pursue your exH for maintenance? They may also be able to help you with a financial plan. You may need to look at moving but get some advice first. Good luck. Life is worth living for your DD and things will get better.

Agree you need some financial support from the father of your children. It sounds really difficult for you. Can you get some advice from citizens advice? Does anywhere offer free child activities...some libraries or council offices do activities. You will get through this stage but it sounds as if you need help. What about food banks?

@Ahomenotahouse different boroughs have different amounts of housing benefit - my borough is £950 for a two bedroom. So I still need to pay another £250 on top of that.
My UC is broken down to £980 housing benefit, £260 standard allowance and £230 for each child (give or take a few pounds). Once I give birth I will be able to claim another £230 for my second so that will put me a bit better off but I’m not due for another 3.5 months and by then I’ll Have to be buying things for the baby anyway. I’ve only got 15 weeks left and I have nothing

I couldn’t even move, I have the deposit in this house but I wouldn’t receive it back until after id moved out and where would I stay in between houses? And how would I come up with another month up front/deposit until I received my one back/possible agent fees etc? We have only lived here less than a year and my daughter has already lived in 4 different places the two years she’s been alive. I assume the councils housing register won’t be any help before ten have passed as I’m number 1000 and something and even now I’m moving DOWN the register rather than up.

What's the debt for? Is it council tax? Because really that's the only thing that will
get you proper bailiffs

If it's not council tax then see CAB/Call your debt management company and get the payments down or extend the term. You literally CANT afford to pay this amount and no debt management company would recommend such a high percentage of your income

New babies don’t need that much. Try not to panic. As long as you have a Moses basket, a pushchair (car seat if necessary) a few white babygros, a couple of sleeping bags, and a blanket or two that’s enough. Have a look on eBay and Facebook groups, charity shops have some nice bits too.

You're about to have your second child by a man who gives you the occasional tenner. That's disgusting and you owe it to your children to make him contribute.

@Ahomenotahouse I still have a crib and pushchair from my first baby but I still need feeding equipment, clothes, nappies, wipes, blankets etc. I’m really panicking and it’s worse because I’m feeling so poorly at the moment but still have to get on with things and think about how I can afford all of this. I’m supposed to be on bed rest for the remaining weeks of my pregnancy but it’s just not possible for me, I don’t live near any family so I have to do my daughters nursery runs etc. She doesn’t HAVE to go but i would feel even more guilty taking her out because she loves it so much

Sorry I was writing while others and you replied. Still think you may be able to get more if you're unable to work due to health problems. Alternatively can you see about doing some kind of online training in that 3 hours to help you get work in the longer term? I realise that feels like a huge effort but perhaps worth considering. Bookkeeping or basic accounting is a handy skill to have for example.

That sounds like an awful times
Ask your midwife or gp for a referral to a food bank.
In many areas they also have baby banks where you can borrow baby equipment/clothes.
You need to push for child maintenance from the father. He doesn’t get the option of deciding to pay or not. He will need to pay. If he rejects the demand it will be taken from his wages.
Good luck

With the csf leak is that a permanent thing or is it short term and will heal. I’m sorry I know nothing about it. But could you look at disability benefits as a result. I would go to your local CAB and ask for advice to make sure you are claiming everything you are entitled too

@Rose789 it’s a temporary thing and will heal in about 6 months ish with bed rest and if not I will have to have a procedure done. But no it is not long term really

Talk to your midwife. Try Freecycle or put request for secondhand baby stuff on Facebook. Do you think you will be able to breastfeed? Tescos do very cheap packs of vests and sleepsuits. Foodbank.

As you're not working and your ex sounds useless, there doesn't seem to be anything tying you to that expensive area. Can you move somewhere with much cheaper rent for a two bed place? Closer to family maybe? Doesn't make sense to stay in a place that costs so much with your new set up.

@Goawayimfedup sorry I have bo advice but just wondered how you know what number you are in the council register as I'm on the council register and dont know what number I am. Thanks

I will second what @FreshStart01 says and say if you do breastfeed it will save you so much money on formula (and it is also so much healthier for baby) you may still have to buy a steriliser and bottles if you wish to express sometimes but you shouldn't need to do that early on anyway. Also if you do want to formula feed dont buy the most expensive ones as they are all basically the same so go for a cheaper one if you do formula feed. Though I would really reccomend giving breastfeeding a go.

Op, have you talked to the local church? Talk to your health visitor and see if she can suggest anything local.
Definitely push that CMS claim.
Can your family help?
Your GP can refer you to the local food bank.