To be fed up with life in general

[Goawayimfedup]

Name changed for this..
Im very recently a single mum to a 2 year old and 25 weeks pregnant with my second. Same dad for both.. we split up about two months ago because I felt that he felt he was more important than us, his needs always came first, it was always a struggle to pay our rent because he would spend the money on himself first etc you get the gist. My health has been slightly deteriorating since before we split up and this is part of the reason, I have a csf leak (leaking spinal fluid) which causes me awful migraines and pressure every day. He wouldn’t help with our toddler or around the house. He does work full time but when he got home it would be straight to laying on the sofa or straight to the pub. Either way no help.

Anyway on to my proper post - I wasn’t working before I got pregnant as my toddler wasn’t in nursery yet and we weren’t eligible for child care/couldn’t afford it/my wages wouldn’t even be enough. Now I am eligible for 15 hours as I’m single and claim universal credit so I have got her into a local nursery but still can’t find a job as she only goes for three hours a day. Also the fact that I’m visibly pregnant/supposed to be on bed rest with my illness.
I’ve stayed in our rented home which is one of the cheapest two beds around anyway but I still cannot afford the rent on full universal credit - I only receive £1479 a month and my rent is £1200. That leaves me with £279 spare. I’m on a debt plan which is £80 a month (I pay this with the £82 child benefit I receive) and I can’t come off it or I will have bailiffs at my door.. then I have to pay for food, my gas and electric is £65 a month my water is £25, internet £20 etc. Now my daughter is growing out of her clothes and shoes and I don’t know how I’m going to get her new ones. Right now I don’t get paid til the middle of feb and I already have nothing left. I have hardly any food in so I’m going to have to borrow money for that as it is.
Every week when my ex gets paid I ask if he can help me but it’s always “I can’t this week I have other things to pay” etc. I’m just feeling so fed up of having nothing already, it’s pure misery and I feel so heart broken thinking I can’t give my daughter even some things she needs. I can’t even afford to take her swimming anymore and it was only a fiver a time. We used to go every Monday. Every morning on the way to school she asks for swimming. I can’t spend my life borrowing money just so we can eat but what option do I have at the moment if I can’t work?

Are you getting help towards your council tax? Sorry if I missed it. £80 a month of debts is WAY too much when you are on full benefits. you need to contact a debt charity like StepChange ASAP.

The area you live sounds terribly expensive and frankly looks like you are going to struggle even when you start working again with eye-watering rents like that. Where are your family based? Do you have any friends or contacts who could help you get set up in a cheaper area? It sucks that you might have to consider this but it can often be the best thing. I move to a much cheaper area and the relief at being able to afford everything is incredible.

I would move to a cheaper area where do you live ? The council will pay your first months rent and deposit if you move to another private rental give them a call they should explain it to you there’s a scheme they run ? A two bed in my area is £700. You can also go to baby banks and food banks x

@movingdilemma1234 I was told that if I claim for the csa to be deducted from his wages then he can reject the letter due to the fact that he would have to pay a fee on top. It would then be stepped back down to a mutual agreement and if he still didn’t pay then it would be a court order.

I don’t have the option to go home to my parents unfortunately as they’ve since moved to a much smaller house and there isn’t room for us.
I have my housing account updated with my pregnancy and I’m still waiting for my bidding log in but in the last week I’ve been moved back ten places. I log in every day and look at my position and it seems maybe two people come off the list per day as I move up and then go back down again.
I’m in a really busy east London borough (parents live on the other side of London) so there’s not much hope for me unfortunately regarding a council property although it would be handy.
I can’t move to my parents borough as the council requires you to be in their borough for three years minimum before they will help with housing.

@movingdilemma1234 I was told that if I claim for the csa to be deducted from his wages then he can reject the letter due to the fact that he would have to pay a fee on top. It would then be stepped back down to a mutual agreement and if he still didn’t pay then it would be a court order.
Still worth applying for then, he'll have to pay to support his children eventually. Please don't give up with this OP, I think that's what many estranged men bank on

I mean in reality you can’t really afford to live in London.
And there are different things about length of time you’ve been there.
If you are homeless and pregnant then it will not apply (it doesn’t in my borough)

So if you want a council flat, or any kind of social housing. Your best bet is to leave your flat. Move in with your parents and then your parents MAKE you homeless.

Do all this now. You will probably be in a shitty bnb for some time. But in the short term it will be bad. But you will most likely get something.

Or move out of London altogether.

Also he will have to pay regardless of anything. And it’ll be backdated for the time of your claim.
Do not under any circumstances accept his mutual agreement

Right now, you’ve got to get tough as fuck. Work out the systems. Work our everything to your advantage. That’s the only way to do ok out of this situation

Don't leave your flat without getting advice about intentional homelessness from a reputable place, Councils can look back at previous decisions, not just the last place you stayed - https://england.shelter.org.uk/housingadvice/homelessness/rules/intentionallyy_homeless

Could you move a bit further out of London to a cheaper property if you got help with a deposit and rent as a PP suggested, or are there particular reasons to stay where you are?

Yes absolutely take advice first! Don’t just leave your house. But this worked for a friend of mine in a London borough recently. Though it was extremely Hard.

Agree with PPs.
You really need to PUSH for CMS. Contact them ASAP.
Apply for a discretionary housing payment.
Request a food bank referral from CAB/HV.
Speak to CAB about your illness. You may be able to get something for a little while which will help.

He may reject the CM claim but they will, eventually, take it out of his wages without his consent. It takes time.

When baby is born, you can get Healthy Start vouchers

www.gingerbread.org.uk/information/managing-money-and-debt/turn2us-grants-search/

There used to be Surestart grant too.

Sorry for the bombardment!

OP are you not entitled to the baby grant?Healthy start contributes money to help with pregnant women eating healthy i think its food vouchers they give you theres also a grant to help buy toddlers learning toys etc for your DD Where do you live?..in scotland you also get a baby box thats helpful(some clothes wipes toys etc) little things but things that will help. In the meantime get to the citizens advice they will def help and give advice on making your ex pay he cant get away with leaving up shit creek like this! Id also say get to your gp for depression its understandable your feeling soo down life as a single parent is bloody rough but stay strong for your little ones hun x

I agree with others.

Check your local housing allowance for your property . Type into Google and you should find it. Hopefully yours is within the LHA. If you were pretty much all your rant should be paid for you.

DO Not leave your home. The council will tell you. That you made yourself homeless by leaving. But do contact them and tell them your situation.

With your medical problem. Try and claim pip. As you say it is a temp thing. But its causing you problems and its stopping you from working. So its worth a go.

With the children needing clothes baby things. You will find on local Facebook groups other mums are happy to help.

Also you can get your debt payments down. Your situation has changed.

Go to your local mp who will help you with all of this. And hv can be helpful. And sure start or childrens centre.

@Goawayimfedup thank you for your reply I have an account to bid on like you say but not sure where I can find what position I'm in? I find their website a little hard to understand. Also you say you have updated it with your pregnancy, when I was pregnant they said I would have to wait until baby is born and show their birth certificate. Do you know if I can take a pic and upload it online or would I have to go in there?

Also yes breastfeeding can be hard (I myself had some struggles) but now I know a lot more about it and can offer some useful advice and tips (if wanted of course)