To insist 17 year old returns to hairdresser with me to complain

[Dogsaresomucheasier]

I completely understand she feels terrible, but 17 year old cane home from the hairdresser with a really poorly finished haircut. (Uneven, straggly bit hanging below her chin.) She’s still in full time education, I’d paid for the cut. If it had been an apprentice doing it cheaply I’d accept it, but we paid stylist rates. She is “not wanting to make a fuss” I await to go back and insist it’s fixed. I know I’m right! But the “faulty goods” are on my daughter’s head. She’s sobbing at the prospect of going back, can/should I insist? What does Mumsnet think?

“This sounds worse than intended, but… she sounds like a complete doormat who’ll be eaten alive at university. I urge you to toughen her up.”

I was a massive sop at 17 and have thus far had a great time at university. Eaten alive by who?

How about she washes it and plays around with it first? It's possible as mentioned by a pp that the style is supposed to be a bit disheveled?

Some asymmetric bobs for example look really odd if you don' get the parting right and a couple of bits go on wrong side if that makes sense.

Is she happy? I'd cry if I got home from a haircut and my mum made a huge fuss about how awful I looked!

If she doesn't like the long straggly bit and doesn't want to complain, get some sharp scissors and snip it off.
You can ask for a refund on your own later if you think it warrants that.

This sounds worse than intended, but… she sounds like a complete doormat who’ll be eaten alive at university

Some people must have attended peculiar universities.

Can't imagine a situation where the styling of her hair would make even the tiniest difference to her university interview.

What they will be interested is primarily presenting themselves as an attractive and stimulating place that she might want to attend, secondly finding out whether she is a person who enjoys thinking about the intellectual side of their subject. What they won't have the slightest interest in is eating anyone alive.

Students come in all shapes and sizes and degrees of scruffiness. So for that matter do lecturers.

I remember a hairdresser treating me really badly at that age, they tried to send me out with wet hair - I had paid for a wet cut. When I asked why it wasn’t being dried he told me it was extra! It was really upsetting. Yes go back with her.

Agree with MarzipanDildo few 17 year olds are brimming with self belief and assertiveness. It comes in time, with life experience. No one's going to eat her alive. How over dramatic. It's actually statements like that are guaranteed to destroy her confidence.

It appears that dd was satisfied with the cut anyway. It's mum that's gone off on one.

GrumpyHoonMain is right - it is difficult but at 17 she needs to learn that you HAVE to learn to complain when a complaint is warranted - and so I would perhaps say that if she isn't willing to come back and get it done properly she needs to pay you back the £40.

As a representative of British university staff I would like to make it known that although the recent reports of casualised and underpaid staff are essentially correct, we have not yet reached the point where we are dependent on students for our calories. Honestly.

it is difficult but at 17 she needs to learn that you HAVE to learn to when a complaint is warranted - and so I would perhaps say that if she isn't willing to come back and get it done properly she needs to pay you back the £40

do we know that it's the girl who thinks the haircut is that bad?

that would be a pretty bad way of treating someone: I am sending you to a stylist to have your hair cut expensively but if I don't like the result you'll owe me

I paid for a wet cut- they tried to send me out with wet hair!

Yes that's normal Blow dries are extra.

I was that lacking in confidence 17-year-old. Please go with her - she'll learn to stand up for herself a bit later on when she has gained some confidence but right now it is too much for her.

I thought a dry cut was they cut your hair without washing it, a wet cut is they wash hair cut it then blow dry surely

I don't think you should insist on her going back. But you could ask her what she wants to happen.
Does she want to leave her hair as it is and maybe try styling it differently somehow so that it looks better?
Does she want you to tidy it up a bit by getting rid of the straggly bit?
Does she want to go to another salon to have it done again? (In which case she should pay for it as she doesn't want to complain at the original salon)
Ask her what she wants to do about it? And if the answer is "nothing" then you need to respect that.

That’s a cut and blow dry Tea.

Yes the blow dry is included in a wet cut. Unless they dry your hair you have no idea what they have done to it! How often do you see women coming out of salons with dripping wet hair?.

You can't insist, but people do need to learn to complain and stand up for themselves, and that it gets results. Especially younger people who seem to be getting more and more anxious and awkward about talking to anyone they don't know in these days of everything being done online!

Yes, she'll find it difficult, but it will help her to learn she can complain and get redress - a better lesson than 'OK, we'll not do anything if you feel embarrassed'

DD has been popping to the corner shop for us since before she was 8 and when she was 9 she bought the wrong thing so I asked her to go back and exchange it. I knew she'd find it awkward, but I thought it was a worthwhile experience to find out she could do it (and I knew the shopkeepers would be helpful)

I sometimes just get a wet cut to save money and go home with damp hair. At my usual salon they break everything down so a blow dry or even something called a "rough dry" is an additional cost.

Might not be the same in all salons though! Sorry for derail.

She was eventually persuaded back and the salon owner fixed it for her in under ten minutes, while demonstrating to the stylist who did it how to fix it. No drama, both entirely professional and it has been a valuable experience for dd. She wasn’t happy with it either but was scared of both being awkward and it getting shorter when more had already been taken off than she wanted.

The first step on the way to assertiveness is to stand up to those close to you- family and friends.
Dd being allowed to assert her own opinion and expecting her mum to respect her decision is a better way to foster confidence.

I can think of nothing more excruciating as a teen than having my mother speak for me.

Great news @Dogsaresomucheasier !

Ok OP hope you let dd speak for herself in the hairdressers though and didn't take over! It's embarrassing to go to a salon on your own and then rock up later with your mum. Most 17 year olds like to pretend they don't have a mum
I get it, I have teens of a similar age and I have to bite my tongue sometimes and let them speak in situations like this.

It's a difficult one, because for so many years children are effectively "conditioned" to accept things they don't like, such as they have to share your favourite toys because mummy says so; they can't have that 60p item from the shop when they only have 40p because the shopkeeper says so, they have to let the stern nurse stick a needle in their arm because the doctor says so, they have to have a filling and eat fewer sweets because the dentist says so.

Then suddenly, children and teenagers find themselves expected to actively challenge these same authority figures, who previously were always right. I vividly remember this contradiction, and was very confused by it. I wasn't allowed to complain about my brother deliberately winding me up, or about teachers keeping the whole year group in because of the misbehaviour of a few, or about my parents smacking me for something I hadn't done; then suddenly I was expected to go back to the shopkeeper who had overcharged me for a halved pack of batteries (rounded up by 25p). When I was reluctant, my mum stormed into the shop with all guns blazing, and I couldn't set foot in there for a while after that! And then when making certain purchases, such as cars, I couldn't believe it when I learned that paying less than the asking price was normal.

@SmileyClare I couldn't agree more.

I would phone the salon in advance, to explain the situation, and arrange a time for your daughter to go back. At least that way they will be expecting her, and she won't have to feel the embarrassment of a complaint.

Oh well done OP, and well done to your DD too. Great outcome!

Nicely sorted, OP.