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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To insist 17 year old returns to hairdresser with me to complain

75 replies

Dogsaresomucheasier · 25/01/2020 17:13

I completely understand she feels terrible, but 17 year old cane home from the hairdresser with a really poorly finished haircut. (Uneven, straggly bit hanging below her chin.) She’s still in full time education, I’d paid for the cut. If it had been an apprentice doing it cheaply I’d accept it, but we paid stylist rates. She is “not wanting to make a fuss” I await to go back and insist it’s fixed. I know I’m right! But the “faulty goods” are on my daughter’s head. She’s sobbing at the prospect of going back, can/should I insist? What does Mumsnet think?

OP posts:
Roselilly36 · 25/01/2020 17:47

OMG my son would be devastated if I embarrassed him like this, don’t put your DD through it for the sake of £40. I expect your DD said she was happy with it at the time, a lesson learnt.

SoupDragon · 25/01/2020 17:53

Doesn't she want it fixed? Is she really happy to go to school/college with a dodgy haircut?

yogo · 25/01/2020 17:54

Was she happy with it until you saw it?

Yika · 25/01/2020 17:55

I think you should insist somewhat, but gently. Don't go in the salon all guns blazing, and reassure her beforehand that you'll just ask for a touch-up rather than complaining per se. I think you are entitled to it and I think you'd be modelling a positive behaviour to her. Maybe give her the choice of either going by herself and you going with, though. If she absolutely digs her heels in then let it go and snip off the straggly ends yourself.

IHaveBrilloHair · 25/01/2020 17:56

She doesn't want to go back, leave it ffs.

JRUIN · 25/01/2020 17:57

If your DD is sobbing at the prospect of you taking her back to complain, it makes me think that she is very worried about how you will handle the situation? Are you the type to go in all guns blazing perhaps causing a big scene perhaps?

Skysblue · 25/01/2020 17:59

Forcing her to go and complain is incredibly humiliating and unpleasant all round, why can’t you just take some photos of her cut and show them that? Why does she physically have to be there with angry hairdresser glaring at her and you complaining she looks awful? Why don’t you phone them and ask to speak to the manager so you have some idea of their reaction?

I don’t think having her there will have much impact on whether or not you get a refund, it’s not about the ‘evidence’ they’ll have a policy of either (a) they know they are rubbish and never give refunds or (b) they don’t want unhappy customers spoiling their reputation and pay up to complaints.

ilovesooty · 25/01/2020 17:59

While I said the hairdresser would probably want to see the actual hair I don't think I'd distress her further by forcing her to go back. It doesn't sound a productive way of promoting assertiveness.

NeckPainChairSearch · 25/01/2020 18:13

To put it frankly you raised a perfectly behaved sop. Fix that first with assertiveness training and then insist on her fighting years of training to be good to demand her rights

You have no idea how the OP raised her daughter and calling her a 'sop' is pretty offensive.

My parents were/are pretty assertive individuals and taught us well. Didn't stop me being unassertive for bloody years though. Nature can beat nurture hands down pretty often.

TheNoiseHurts · 25/01/2020 18:14

Don't insist if she's upset!

That makes it doubly worse.

But I totally understand why you feel the way you do.
So annoying.

fascicle · 25/01/2020 18:16

Dogsaresomucheasier
... a really poorly finished haircut. (Uneven, straggly bit hanging below her chin.)

Sounds like that might be fixable at home. And her hair might also look different after another wash.

If it had been an apprentice doing it cheaply I’d accept it, but we paid stylist rates.

Sounds more like a value for money issue for you than a really bad haircut issue.

Don't force your daughter to go back if she isn't comfortable doing that. It should be her decision.

Wereallsquare · 25/01/2020 18:16

I understand your daughter's position. She put herself in the stylist's hands once and got a bad cut. Now you are asking her to go back and put herself in the chair of a probably resentful stylist (and with a salon of possibly resentful stylists) to have her fix things. It could be really uncomfortable for your daughter. Who knows how intimidating the stylist/salon is? I would not force her to go back. Think back to yourself at 17. Would you have had the self-assurance to face that?

BecauseReasons · 25/01/2020 18:19

I feel your frustration, OP. I would very strongly encourage her, but realistically, I'm not sure you can force her.

ChicCroissant · 25/01/2020 18:26

I went back to my hairdresser once, as I realised she'd missed a bit when I got home. When I went back to the salon I just showed her the bit and she immediately booked me in for another cut and was fine about it, very apologetic. So it might be OK, but if she is very nervous about it I can see why she might not want to go back. Could you ask her if she would be OK with you contacting the salon first?

BraveGoldie · 25/01/2020 18:28

Is it possible she asked for it straggly - cos a bit of rough and tumble is designer cool to young people?

Are you sure she is upset at the cut and is just scared at going back? If so - support her through it if possible... or let her find her own solution..

MabelCloth · 25/01/2020 18:31

Does she think you will embarrass her by rocking up and shouting the odds?

Have you explained that you will go back calmly and say you are concerned that it doesn't look quite finished now she has been out and about with it, and would they kindly give it a bit of a finish?

Explain to her that this is a normal thing and that hairdressers always say they would rather a customer return and have the adjustments that will make them a happy customer, than walk away unhappy.

Reassure her that it will be a calm and civilised, friendly matter to sort out.(and then make sure it is!)

hellcarryingahandbag · 25/01/2020 18:36

This sounds worse than intended, but… she sounds like a complete doormat who’ll be eaten alive at university. I urge you to toughen her up.

Walkon · 25/01/2020 18:42

I am a hairdresser, tell her not to be embarrassed ,it really does happen all the time. I can honestly say I think we have all had a 're-do' in our career . Ring the salon, explain the wonky cut say your daughter would like another stylist to fix it (preferably when the original stylist is off). The stylist will be mortified and probably hide anyway. You wouldn't pay £40 for a jumper with a hole in , so you shouldn't except a dodgy hair cut.

1forsorrow · 25/01/2020 18:42

I don't think the offer of a uni place will be based on her hair cut.

42isthemeaning · 25/01/2020 18:44

A similar thing happened to me when I was 15/16. Think tragic fringe fail!! My mum asked me to go back. I really, really didn't want to, but I did. I just said that my mum had noticed that the fringe was squint and the hairdresser was lovely about it - very apologetic and fixed the problem straight away. It was absolutely fine and I'm glad mum made me deal with it, even if I did say to the hairdresser that she had made me come back!

Naz024 · 25/01/2020 18:53

Take a picture go to the hairdresser and ask what they can do to fix and make her another appointment. Get her to go to the new appointment.

UnderHisEyeBall · 25/01/2020 18:56

To be fair hairdressers may not listen to a 17 year old. I had a hair cut at that age where they refused to take as much off as I had asked for despite making them go over it THREE TIMES. My parents had also paid for it and were pissed off they hadn't done a good job and my mother tried to insist I go back but I was already pretty fed up and stressed by the whole experience. Perhaps you need to go and acknowledge they might take you a bit more seriously than her. Have some empathy perhaps?

Wishesanddreams · 25/01/2020 18:59

If the idea is causing her distress then no I don't think you should make her go back. Fair enough if you don't want to pay for her haircuts from now on though!
I think it's totally unfair for all the posters saying that you need to teach your daughter assertiveness, no you don't! If it's not in her nature then it's just not, I find it bizarre that anyone would suggest otherwise! Doesn't matter how you raise you child, no one can force them to be a way they aren't by nature.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 25/01/2020 18:59

I treated my DD to highlights with my usually excellent hairdresser just before her 18th birthday party. She did a shockingly poor job. I simply rang them up and explained why we weren’t happy.

Hairdresser was mortified, DD went in the next day and the owner redid them. No one has ever been anything but apologetic about it to me. I am a regular and spend about £300 a year there.

I knew DD was too soft to complain herself at the age of 17. However at 20, after a couple of years of uni she’s extremely self confident.

Nanny0gg · 25/01/2020 19:01

A reasonable hairdresser will be upset that it's gone wrong and will be more than willing to put it right.

You don't have to be confrontational or bolshy.

Good chance it can be sorted out without any fuss.