Or is DP forgetting our anniversary?

[whitenblk]

I don't know if my feelings of sadness are justified!

DP and I have never before celebrated our anniversary because we didn't really know the date. However we got engaged last year and said we'd celebrate that date (we get married next year).

I reminded him and he definitely knew it was today. Yesterday I booked a nice restaurant and gave him his card because I was excited. He said how he had thought about stopping off to get a card but decided not to or it'd delay his journey home.

Today has come and so far we have been to the dentist. He has admitted there's no card and when I said "could you book somewhere for dinner" he's just shrugged it off. I then asked if he could not go on his phone today and we spend time together as he usually spends every weekend staring at the football / Twitter for football. When I seemed upset he just said he doesn't want to go to dinner with me and was angry about me asking about his phone.

I feel a bit deflated. I don't expect anyone to ever surprise me with roses or buy me a present but I did always hope that my significant other would take my love of cards seriously.

BTW, I wouldn't expect him to pay for dinner we always split. He knows this but we aren't tight for money in any way.

He didn’t want to go for dinner WITH you?! He’s an arse

YABU about the cards. They’re a waste of time and money imo and perhaps he feels this way

YANBU about spending time with you and going to dinner. Why was he angry? From the little you’ve said here, YABU to want to marry a man who does not want to spend time with you, have dinner with you or gets angry at you so easily

What strongmummy said.

Get rid

Doesn't really bode well does it OP?

I prefer to do the date we got together rather than our actual wedding anniversary. Husband thinks it's amusing but still indulges me, because he cares for my feelings.

Yours is telling you that he doesn't really that much.

OK I'd be tempted to say that two dinners out is a bit overkill on celebrating the anniversary of your engagement when you get married soon BUT that isn't the issue here.

Is he normally like this? He's basically said he doesn't want to spend time with you cos he'd rather be on his phone. Is this typical? And if so, are you sure you want to get married...?

I just really like cards, the message someone writes inside them. They've always meant a lot to me and a few of my friends know this so will always spend time writing me a special message. I don't care if the card is cheap, I'll keep it forever.

@Strongmummy yeah he said with me, he was angry and trying to be hurtful I think.
He's annoyed I asked him not to be on his phone because "all I do is moan".

He has just said a word to describe me is "insufferable" and then I will turn on the water works to emotionally manipulate him.
So I made sure I didn't cry and just bit my lip because that's not why I cry!! I am just very emotional and I wish I wasn't.

Do
Not
Marry
Him

Do
Not
Marry
Him

Get
Out
Now

@SleepingStandingUp we tend to eat out twice at the weekend but instead of going for casual lunch we said we'd go out and dress up.
I booked yesterday because it's a very good restaurant and hard to get a table, we both like it a lot.

He says Saturdays are for football and I knew what I was getting myself in at the beginning.
Our wedding is on a Saturday so now I'm worried he'll be on his phone the whole time.

I’m not sure why you’re celebrating being with him as he sounds horrible. If he spends all weekend on his phone, where do you fit in? How will that change when you marry him?

God do you intend to have kids with this idiot?

I don't think he's the man for you, OP. Sounds like a shit relationship.

Call one of your friends, get glammed up and go out without him.
Do not marry him

Is this really how you want to spend the rest of your life?

If you carry on and if you have kids with him, this will be your life.

@whitenblk id seriously consider what this relationship does for you

Ok so first: every thread on mumsnet will attract a bunch if people advising you to end your relationship. Just bear that in mind and don’t take it too personally.

On to your guy. He is unromantic and romance is important to you. But, he’s probably always been unromantic? I get that you want him to show that he cares, but he’s entitled to carry on being the person he’s always been and show affection in the ways he (hopefully) always has. If for example he thinks cards are tacky and meaningless, he doesn’t have to buy one just because you love them. (And a card someone has reluctantly bought in a grump because they were told to doesn’t mean much.)

Have a google about the Languages of Love. Does he show affection in different ways to you?

The meal and the football are kinda different issues. If you both had agreed to go out for a meal and then he refused, that looks like a dick move - unless it was after you’d been arguing about the card or whatever, in which case he probably thought a romantic meal was unachievable given the mood you were both in...

As for ‘Saturdays are for football’, that depends on what your relationship is normally like. If you always do football all Sat then you aren’t entitled to suddenly change that unless he agrees. But if you were never really into football and this is something he’s inflicting on you, then it’s not fair of him to choose how half of every weekend is spent.

I’d say chat through with him, but he sounds quite an old fashioned kinda guy and they aren’t good at feelings talk. Maybe have a think about who is is, whether he’s always been that way or not, and if you accept and love him the way he is or if you want something different from marriage. Most old fashioned guys suck at romance and chat but are eg great at DIY 😘

Can't see where "insufferable " and "all you do is moan" fit in any language of love myself.

I'm not sure why you would celebrate the anniversary of being engaged. When you met/got together .. possibly. The date you marry .. definitely.

But I guess that isn't the point. The point is that, for whatever reason, it matters to you - and he doesn't seem remotely interested. Some people care more about anniversaries (whatever they're for!) than others, but the trick is to compromise if you have differing views on them.

If you're not happy that he ignores you to sit on his phone all weekend, then that's more of a problem than just today. Honestly. That will get worse.

If you think you're with someone selfish or thoughtless, please don't marry him.

In fact, you know what.. the second you start feeling the need to come on MN to vent instead of having a sensible conversation with her about the issue, I think it's doomed anyway. Communication is everything.

You don't expect much, and you're not even getting that.

I think you need to have a long hard think about why you believe you deserve so little, and why you seem set on marrying a man who doesn't even like you and has made it 100% clear that he has no intention of ever treating you well.

This is your life now but luckily you found out before marriage and children so can extricate yourself if you want to.

OP, this post makes me so sad. Why are you even considering marrying someone who has such little regard for your feelings?

No matter my interests, I would never dream of thinking that my hobby could dominate 50% of our weekend days for the rest of our lives. He’s a selfish man child.

What if you have kids? What if you’re in labour on a Saturday or it’s their birthday? The thought of having a husband who spends half their weekend uncommunicative and glued to their phone is not very pleasant.

If for example he thinks cards are tacky and meaningless, he doesn’t have to buy one just because you love them. (And a card someone has reluctantly bought in a grump because they were told to doesn’t mean much.)

That’s not the point. They matter to her. In a good relationship you do things that are very important to your spouse that aren’t as important to you. DH loves cards so I make an effort. I love to give thoughtful gifts and DH does his best to reciprocate.

OP, the way he’s talking to you is disgraceful. You’re being given a clear warning. Don’t expect him to change once you’re married (and especially if you have kids).

Your are worth so much more than this.
Even if he had given you a card, the sentiment you want to gain from it would mean nothing to him. The message inside is not something he would read let alone relate to his feelings. He'd choose it for the picture on the front.
Get rid now before you waste any more emotion on this selfish dipstick.

Please don't marry this pig OP, he will make you miserable at best, destroy you at worst

You sound a little OTT regarding the extent to which you wanted to celebrate this slightly meaningless date. But it was really mean of him to call you insufferable

After being called insufferable I would have asked "then why do you want to marry me?"

He sounds selfish OP. Have a good think as to whether you want to spend the rest of your life with a man who considers your feelings unworthy of his attention.