Or is DP forgetting our anniversary?

[whitenblk]

I don't know if my feelings of sadness are justified!

DP and I have never before celebrated our anniversary because we didn't really know the date. However we got engaged last year and said we'd celebrate that date (we get married next year).

I reminded him and he definitely knew it was today. Yesterday I booked a nice restaurant and gave him his card because I was excited. He said how he had thought about stopping off to get a card but decided not to or it'd delay his journey home.

Today has come and so far we have been to the dentist. He has admitted there's no card and when I said "could you book somewhere for dinner" he's just shrugged it off. I then asked if he could not go on his phone today and we spend time together as he usually spends every weekend staring at the football / Twitter for football. When I seemed upset he just said he doesn't want to go to dinner with me and was angry about me asking about his phone.

I feel a bit deflated. I don't expect anyone to ever surprise me with roses or buy me a present but I did always hope that my significant other would take my love of cards seriously.

BTW, I wouldn't expect him to pay for dinner we always split. He knows this but we aren't tight for money in any way.

I really don’t get the celebrating anniversary of meeting thing , will you then have an engagement anniversary and a wedding anniversary ?

He's making it pretty clear what he thinks of you
Don't marry someone who doesn't even seem to like you much

Well he is telling you loud and clear who he is.

I'd listen. And leave.

Sounds like at the very least he’s just not the romantic type. At worse he’s not that into you and doesn’t care about your happiness. It’s not normal not want to do a special dinner that will make your loved one happy. Especially later on after footie is over.

Why did you get engaged? Do you not think very much of yourself and he was the first that came along at the right time do you took him as he’s better than nothing? Why does he want to marry you? Do you have money that if you subsequently divorce he gets half of? Did you sleep with him or move in with him only after you got engaged, ie he may not be that into marrying but he’s into having sex or sharing a lonely house with someone who looks after him and he may get married just to keep you there for his comfort. Rather than wanting to make you happy?

The fact he calls you names and accuses you of turning on the waterworks to get what you want is a red flag to be that HE is the manipulative one. If it’s not his way you can basically get lost. You know the deal. Obey his wishes and expect nothing back or get to fuck basically.

Time to really consider if you want to be tied to someone who doesnt apparently care about your happiness for the rest of your life.

He says Saturdays are for football

RUN!! You must have read all the threads in here where the mum gets NO weekend because her DH is out at the 'fubble' all day Saturday then too hung over to function on the Sunday?

You're supposed to do what he wants on Saturdays /football days because it's important to him.

Why is he not expected to do what you want with cards and anniversaries, which he knows are important to you?

@mrsbyers no, this is instead of our normal relationship anniversary. It's around the same date as engagement but we didn't take note at the time and could never agree whether it was the last week of Jan or first week of Feb.

He also wants to celebrate the anniversary and thinks it's normal to.

Don't be one of the many women we see on here OP a few years down the line, kids your responsibility, christmas, birthday's the lot whining about how your "DH" does'nt engage.

Read a few of those posts and that is your future.

The choice is yours.

Putting all this to one side for a minute, the question you need to ask yourself and answer honestly is:
Do I feel loved?

@iklboo small redemption is he never watches the football outside of the house and doesn't go out to drink for it. He just constantly stares at Flash score. It does my head in.

I know you're all right

I think you need to decide if you will be looking back on this post in 5 years time and wishing you had acted on the advice. Do you think this is the person to be your partner through the hardest times? Because having kids definitely puts a strain on the strongest relationship.

He also wants to celebrate the anniversary and thinks it's normal to.

Apparently he doesn't.

I'm on the fence here. It would have been great if he'd got you a card, and he didn't speak to you very nicely in the subsequent fight about it. But if he's never got you a card and doesn't really do that type of romance, yab a bit u to expect he would suddenly start. I don't think that's realistic.

Also you just went out to dinner the night before - surely that was your anniversary dinner? And you didn't want him to watch TV but you didn't have anything else planned or suggest anything. If you wanted to make it a full weekend of celebrations, maybe next time plan in advance and make it a weekend away?

If you want a life without positive self esteem and zero affection carry on

How much does he spend gambling?

This is where you realise that you are merely a convenient shag.

Oh ffs why on earth would you pledge your life to someone who calls you insufferable and refuses to even buy you a card despite having stated it was normal to celebrate anniversaries.

I would never be in a relationship with someone who spends every Saturday staring at his phone for whatever reason. And who wouldn't deviate from that for no reason.

Why do people have such low standards for a partner?

Don't marry him. Just don't.

I never remember our anniversary without putting a reminder in my calendar. I do that because DH always remembers and it's important to him, ergo, I make the effort.

This man will never make the effort for you by the sounds of things.

It sounds like too many anniversaries.

I don't know the date we got together or our engagement date. We celebrate our wedding anniversary...that's enough.

Why did you ask him to book dinner? Why couldn't you do it?

I have to be honest, I'd be pissed off if my DH told me not to go on my phone for the whole day ..that's pretty controlling and I'm not a child who gets told what I can do.

If you actually had an activity arranged, I wouldn't expect him to be on the phone during the activity.

Maybe he's also not into cards...but I wouldn't marry a man who called me insufferable.
Why would you, if he thinks all you do is moan.

I don't attach great importance to anniversaries and 'special days' myself; to me, a good relationship is shown by what happens every day, not on one special day of the year. These things have never been a big deal in my family: my parents were happily married for 40 years until my father's death, yet they made so little of their anniversary that, if someone asked me for the exact date of their marriage, I would have to look it up. But your fiance's behaviour seems totally U. If he is strongly against anniversaries as a concept, he should have said so from the beginning, not indulged in ill-tempered resistance later on. I would worry not so much about the lack of a card, but about his rudeness and bad-temperedness. If he acts like this now, I wouldn't be very confident about the marriage lasting, or being a comfortable one if it does: would you be happy, for example, to see any future children being treated in this way, or even their seeing you being treated you in this way?

I don't like cards; having to buy them or get joy from receiving them. Waste of time and paper and end up as clutter. But that's my opinion. If I were you, I'd resign myself to only giving cards. Not expecting them back, as most people aren't into them and that is likely to increase with digital messaging.
So, are you happy to be ignored by your husband every Saturday for the rest of your life? If you can find a hobby that you too can be obsessed with on Saturdays, then your relationship might work. Otherwise, you'll always feel resentful and he'll always think of you as 'a nag'
At least all of this is clear now. You can marry or not marry him.

If you told him you didn't want to marry him, be honest with yourself here, what do you think his reaction would be?

@whitenblk I disagree with what others are saying about cards. My DH is the least romantic man in the world and doesn’t get why I love cards but I explained to him when we met how much they mean to me and I now always get a valentines birthday and anniversary card. He knows how much it means to me. Ok sometimes I get one to a special friend From the local chemist haha but he always gets one and writes me a nice message in it - because he loves me and cares about me!!!!

This initially small incident about not getting a card has then gone on to reveal his true colours. This guy is clearly a loser who should be single. Do not continue to be a door mat. Break off the engagement. You cannot possibly marry this idiot. Dump him and find a deserving guy. Good luck.

a good relationship is shown by what happens every day, not on one special day of the year.

This 100%.

There's no point being super loving and attentive on a birthday, anniversary and valentine's, when you're mean, useless and a general waste of space every other day of the year.